Crazy Dream Chronicles, Part ... um ... Eleventeen

Some of my dreams are memorible due JUST to how random and odd they are.

[E.g., the dream where I was making out with the older jerk of a brother on Weird Science (the TV series, not the movie. Same character, though. (circa 1996))]

[Or the one where I was ana assassin named Violet. But I had amnesia. And I was working at a kitchen goods store in Florida, hanging pans on a shelf/wall. And making out with a very nice boy ... as another assassin is approaching to kill me, not knowing that I haven't defected ... it's just that I don't REMEMBER who I am or my mission ... (circa 1994)]

[Or the one where my mom and I are driving to Sally's, my blog-friend, yet, remarkably the South is located just down the street from our house. And there are werewolves. Yes, WEREWOLVES, chasing us and trying to tear apart the car to eat us. And I'm trying to make sure that they're not going to hurt Sally's daughter, who's with us. (circa 2004)]

So, as you can see from the aformentioned dreams, my psyche is a rather ... unusual/singular/peculiar/scary place to be.

Last night?

I dreamt that I was student-teaching. But I wasn't anywhere that I recognized. I had a male teacher in the classroom. And ... um ... he tried to, well, overpower me. (Thankfully, not in front of the students. That'd be SO much more wrong-er-er on SO many different levels.) And, to protect myself and my virtue, I was grappling with this knife-weilding teacher ... with a metal can opener ... like the "church key"-type can openers. Like for opening bottles. Or cans of evaporated or condensed milk ... so it has that little triangular hole in the lid? You know the type, yes?

(RANDOM!?!?!)

And I escaped, rather unscathed ... but breathless and running away ... right into ANOTHER dude who's main objective is to get himself a (unwilling) piece of this. What. The . H????

And, yes'm, I fought him off, too. Must have been with that dang can opener.

So, if any of you out there are up for a challenge, what the bedevilment does this cah-ray-zee dream signify????

Perhaps I am feeling vunerable? Perhaps I need to buy more can openers? Perhaps I need to stay the H away from Education? (Not too hard ... since I'm not really headed back immediately. Especially if I'm having dreams like these.)

Little-known fact regarding myself: Yes, I'm squicked out by spiders and their inherent creep-factor. But, for as long as I've been aware what it was, I've been worried/scared that I'd be raped. I do not know why. Just one of those things.

Back onto a happier-ish note, I shall regale you with yet ANOTHER of my Crazy Dream Chronicles®:

Now, this dream occured around, oh, 2002? Somewhere around there.

In my dream, I was just chillaxin' with Jackie Chan (awesome!) and Jean Claude VanDamme (okay ... odd). And as we were hangin', what approaches us but an INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!

*cue dramatic music: Duh-duh-DUM!!!!!*

Now, VanDamme goes and starts fighting him. I'm watching through my fingers, huddled into a ball, as he loses against the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!!!!

And Jackie Chan goes and fights ... he's whirling and kicking and doing all the amazing things that Jackie Chan can do ... and still, he fails against the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!!!!

So, there I am ... I know that I can't just let the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD triumph. And I also know that, as I fight ... trying to anticipate where the heck he's at and what he's doing, since I can't SEE him, since he's an INVISIBLE NINJA LORD ... if JACKIE CHAN, who's only completely made of AWESOME, can't beat him, then I have NO chance of winning ...

And I am left bruised and bloody, panting for breath on the hard, cold surface on which we had fought ... and the *dum-dum-DUM!!* INVISIBLE NINJA LORD triumphs over us all.

*Holds up sign: Fin*

Yeah, that's pretty much my life motto. If Jackie Chan can't fight So-and-so and win, I have no business whatsoever trying to fight that person.

But, really, I never try and fight ANYBODY.

Mostly because I'm kind of a wimp. I don't like to get dirty. I don't like pain much, either.

(Also, about that strange, unexplained fear mentioned above, I like to consider that with the one song, "Everbody's Free (to Wear Suncreen)" ... the line "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

on some idle Tuesday." ... And since I HAVE worried about this odd fear, well, then it should never happen. ... And thinking of it that way puts me a little more at ease. ... But maybe I should buy a few more can openers and secrete them in various places where I might have need of them. I'm just sayin'.)

However, there's one dream that I've had over and over that I wish I could find the place. In my dream, I'm with a bunch of children (like a class), but I'm a leader ... but, like, a teenager? ... And I've had this dream off and on since I was ... um ... maybe nine?
... BUT, in the dream, we're walking up (okay, DOWNSTREAM) Canyon Creek. And we come to this place where the current lessens a little and there's a bit of an island(?) in the middle. And it's covered in trees (Poplar, maybe?) and it's just SO nice.

Since I've had this dream over and over, I would (just about every summer) wade/walk/whatever down Canyon Creek and look for it. Never found it.

But I was able to catch and watch lots of newts on my way.
I like newts. They're just so cute.

So, yeah ... just another look into my brain.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Back ... and Random

I survived. And the wedding went well. As did Camp. Phew!!

First things first, Michael replaced the broken toilet seat in our bathroom. The old toilet seat was sitting on the floor. ... And we had a little litmus test, per se, for whenever Bruise had used the toilet.

... Because he'd MOVE the old toilet seat and put it on the toilet, even though we have a new, lovely, PUFFY seat on there.

Yes, my son IS rather OCD. It's as if he's saying, "NO, I have to use THIS seat! THIS one is the seat that I'm used to!" (Whereas I'm all, "The NEW seat is WONDEROUS! I LOVE it's cushiness and the fact that it doesn't pinch my butthigh in the crack in it! I will sing its praises until ... well, until its novelty wears off!" [Hey, just keeping it real, okay?])

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The one unforseen hitch in the wedding was that Bucket REFUSED to do her flower girl duties. She walked well enough until Michael had to leave her to her duty. And, as Bruise did a most excellent job as ring bearer, she stalled and proclaimed, "I don't WANT to" ... leaving Mer's mom to throw another handful of petals as her daughter was escorted to her groom.

*sigh*

Oh well. At least my kiddos looked darling.

And the funniest thing about my dress ... besides making the photographer CRACK UP (since, to walk or bend down, I'd have to slide my skirt up from floor length to about tea length), was that most people didn't know why I had on a jacket (and the other two bridesmaids didn't. One of Mer's uncles wondered if I had some profanity tattooed on my back or something. Ha!

The pins that Roxy had brought weren't quite strong enough for what we needed them to do (i.e., pin my top so that my shapewear didn't show) ... so ... well, some people might have gotten glimpses [or a little more] of that. Oh well. It's not like we didn't try. Because we DID.

But, dang, my makeup looked good. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the bathroom ... and, truly, it could have something to do wtih the fact that for the last week I hadn't worn a lick of makeup ... but I looked at myself and thought, "DANG! I look GOOD!" (And that was nice. Even if I couldn't run. Or take large steps. Or bend at the waist. :P)

So ... I'm closing up. But I didn't want to neglect you (anymore than I could, anyways. I should have blogged yesterday ... but I was SO tired. And SO relieved to have all my BIG, BIG responsibilities over. Phew!).

Do any of you have issues with getting REALLY burnt out on Facebook games? I used to really like FarmTown ... but I'm thinking of quitting it. Along with about a dozen other games. Any reason you can come up with that I shouldn't??

The calm before the Camping ...

In case you're really wondering how the bridal shower went ... it went really well. Except for attendence.

I had sent out 25 invitations. Some of them were for mother-daughter pairs.

About five people told me they couldn't come. So, still .... We were expecting between 6 and 23 people.

We got the six: Mer, her mom, Roxy, me, the other bridesmaid, and her mom.

We did have fun. Didn't play any games ... but we had plenty of food, Mer got to open her gifts ... we cleaned up, and Mer, Rox and I headed to the casino to give her a little girls' night out.

First time I've ever been in a bar. I had water. Drank those two under the table, I tell you! I had TWO glasses of my drink as opposed to THEM only drinking one bottle of theirs! (One had a hard limeade, the other a green-apple vodka. In case you were DYING to know.)

Then I went home, leaving them to watch the doo-wop cabaret show. And I took a shower, since I reeked of smoke (since there's smoking happening EVERYWHERE). But it was a really nice time. We three haven't had time together for about a year or so!

The next morning (July 4th), we played at my mom's until around 10, drive down to Michael's folks, and the kids played there. We ate, talked with family (all siblings except C&A were there ... so Bucket was sad that her cousins weren't there to play with her. She got over it REALLY FAST. She loves her Grandma something fierce.) and watched big fireworks ... and the kids were zonked!!

Can't blame them. This was out schedule:
July 3

• left the house at just before 7 A.M.
• drove south to my dad's and stepmom's
• drove a bit north to Nana's
• drove south to my mom's and stepdad's
• The kids and Michael stayed there while I left to set up and throw the shower. Then I went to the casino and came home ... and the kids were in bed. And Bruise was peacefully sleeping ... while Bucket STOLE ALL THE PILLOWS!! She was curled up ON my pillow with the others all around her like a little castle or something. I stole most of them (but not mine!!) back so we'd have pillows to sleep with.
• Woke up around 6-ish.
• Ate breakfast and the kids played some more ... squirt guns. Bruise shot me in the eye and kept shooting Mutti (my mom) ... and then he asked her to fill up the gun for him again. And she shot him. RIGHT IN THE EYES!! Ha! ... Between giggles (and Mom was laughing so hard she couldn't talk), I sputtered, "You don't mess with Mutti! She plays dirty!!" ... It's true. Ask her!
• And, like I said, we drove down to Michael's folks and the kids IMMEDIATELY went to play in their pool in the backyard. And ate popsicles. ^_^

And, when we left this morning, YES, I did cry a bit. (Okay, maybe more than a "bit.") But I am going to/do miss MAH BAYBEES!!

As much as I gripe about having to get up early, I do like it when Bruise will climb into bed with me to give me morning kisses and cuddles. Bucket will join in, too. And that's AWESOME.

And I know that every so often, I wish that someone would watch the kids for a couple hours or so so I could, you know, GET THINGS DONE/run to the store ALONE/take a NAP ... but that's totally different from spending the better part of a week away from them!

They'll be with Grandma and Grandpa today until Wednesday. Then my mom's going to pick them up and take them to her house ... where we'll drive down to see them Friday.

I'm leaving camp Thursday afternoon ... going home, taking a shower ... unpacking/repacking, giving myself a manicure/pedicure for the wedding, and then (once he gets home) having a little staycation with Michael. It'll be good.

But I have to be on the road earlier than I'd like tomorrow. Oh well. And once I get to camp, they'll keep me busy. And, if they don't, I have my books. It'll be fine. And I'll be a little sad to leave ... but I'll be VERY GLAD to see Michael ... and VERY glad to see MAH BAYBEES ... and also quite glad to see Mer get married ... and then I can figure out how to alter the skirt and etc ... so maybe I can wear it again somehow. (I'm thinking I might sweet-talk Roxy into changing the skirt into some kind of A-line dress ... and raid the strapless top and the jacket for material for the sleeves or something. Maybe.)

*sigh* I'm feeling ... okay. Not resigned. Not totally excited ... but okay. It's going to be busy. It's going to be a little CRAZY ... but it's upon us and I'm going to get through it. I'll have fun at camp. I'll get home and get to spend a little solo time with Michael (always a good thing). And then we'll get to see the kiddos, who will maybe have missed us a little. ^_^ Then there'll be the wedding and the reception ... and things will be good. And much quieter. For a little. I hope. ^_^

Entering that strange ennui ...

So, I'm (mostly) over my OCD-induced freak-out.

At this point, I'm just ready to get it all over with. I'm trying to wrap up loose ends ... ends which really keep on unraveling once I've gotten most everything else taken care of. *sigh*

Example: I was finishing the dishes. I noticed that (1) the garbage disposal sounds different. Not wrong/different. Just different.... and (2) suddenly I have a puddle of water dripping out of the sink's cabinet. CRAP! ... Turns out that the garbage disposal and the sink's drain have split up. I don't know exactly what is in order for their reconciliation to take place. Michael will be doing that.

(I still had to finish the dishes. Good thing the other side of the sink is unaffected.)

But, hey. I'm mostly, totally packed. The dishes are 99.6% done.

... I still haven't folded all the laundry. (Honey, you love me, right? Look! I'm giving you something to do to stop from missing me so badly! *ducks and runs*)

I've turned in all the library books that would be coming due. Regardless of whether I've read them or not. I'm just tired of not finishing books. (And, Jenny, no, I did NOT finish "Tea Time for the Traditionally-Built. *sad face* I'll put it on hold again and read it .... sometime.) But this way, Michael will have one less thing to bother about while I'm gone. ^_^

I have most everything together for the shower and for the wedding. ... It's been postulated that I might ALSO be doing the bride's hair. ... Bri, I went into the wrong field. I may join you as a cosmonaut cosmotologist. (Hey, my mom was VERY thrilled with the foot massage and pedicure I gave her the last time she was up. ... Yes, indeed, sometimes being my friend has its benefits. -- Jenny, wouldn't you agree? You never had so many Wii jokes until I [and my twelve-year-old-boy sense of humor] came along. :P)

But, yeah ... things are ... how they are.

But this experience has taught me how important actually RSVP-ing is. We could have six people (all in the wedding party, really) or we could have around 20. Hard to tell. But I'm not making that pasta salad. I'm done.

Well, got to run and do some things!!!

Hello, My name is HOLY FREAKING-OUT PILE OF INSANITY!!!!! ONOZ!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! ZOMGosh!!!!!

*dryly* As you can probably infer from the title of this post, my calm facade is starting to crack.

If by "starting to crack," you mean to say that OMGosh! I have coming up in a matter of DAYS about the most STRESSFUL TIME OF MY EXISTENCE (with, perhaps, the exception of my sole-responisbility when I was student teaching ... you know, that period that I threw up every morning due to stress, nibbled lunch, and ate a sensible dinner ... and dropped a good five pounds ... probably all in tooth enamel).

Here's my itenerary (unless you're a stalker or a thief. If you are, I'm lying. This whole time, I'm going to be bunkered at home, cleaning my arsenal and polishing my VAST knife collection. They're already all sharpened. I just like that glossy sheen to them.):

• This weekend, we're throwing the bridal shower. And visiting family, family, family, and more family. Then ditching the kids with grandparents for the next week ...
• Since on MONDAY, I'll be deserting Michael to go to Young Women's Camp. Unless I'm running a fever, then they'll send me home so that I don't spread the bird flu the swine flu (What's next? Cerval Cat flu? Platypus flu? I can never keep the old ones straight, anyways. Just be glad that I didn't refer to it as the Spanish flu. Since, you know, I wasn't actually ALIVE to live through that one.)
• Then I'll be ditching camp to run back home and make sure that I have EVERYTHING ready (including myself!!!!) for Mer's rehersal dinner (and getting reunited with the kids) and the wedding.

Yes, I've been in denial for a few weeks. I DON'T want to deal with all of this. No flippin' way. Especially since I'm STILL mucus-laden and hoarse. This is crazy. And I'm nearly hyperventilating about it all.

I'm SO, SO, SO glad that I have Roxy as one of the other bridesmaids. She's keeping me sane. She and I went in together on the present for Mer. (CUTE!! ... I'll tell you after the wedding, probably, since I don't know when I'll next have TIME or the PRESENCE OF MIND(!!!) to blog next) And she's taking on the veggie tray for the shower. Phew!!

So, I'm just working at getting the rest of the food-stuff and games-stuff together ... And then I have to pack, pack, pack, PACK, PACK!!!!!!1!!!1one!!!!1!

Pack the kids' things, pack for our stuff, pack for camp, pack for the wedding ... Pack the stuff to do Bucket's and my hair ... *sigh*

And I folded most of the kids' laundry in our room. I think I should get a National Medal of Honor for that. Only, what, about seven more loads to finish folding ... since Ginger-cat decided to PEE in our bathroom (well, those clothes were already dirty, but still!!!) and on a pile of blankets (yes, those DID need washing, BUT they were on CARPET! EWWwwww!!!!). It's amazing that she's still alive.

Oh, and probably TMI or something -- but the toilet seat in our bathroom (not the hall bathroom) has a crack in it. And it keeps pinching my butt/thigh (my buthigh??). So we're going to replace that.

AAAAAAND, I need to cut Bruise's and Michael's hair!!! And I should try to give myself a facial before camp ... and upon arriving home from camp .... and remember to use MONDO amounts of sunscreen .... and, and, and ...

Oh, and do the dishes.

And restart the computer so that my stupid printer will spit out all the things that I need printed. Ugh!!!!!!!!!

And I need to finish "Tea Time for the Traditionally Built" before it's due (in two days!!!!!! Ack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

*sigh*

SO ... who wants to pet my hair and tell me that I'm pretty and NOT-at-all fat, regardless of how my bridesmaid dress makes me feel (well, okay, I just look like mah BOOBAGE is nearly twice the amount as is usual ... which is, I must say, quite the feat!)

(On overhearing myself: At Jo-Ann's fabric yesterday, as Roxy was buying some fabric. We were talking about how the bodices of our "dresses" -- they're seperates -- showcase our ... endowments, per se. I told her, "Hey, I'll do your hair if you pin my boobs! ... Just not literally pinning my boobs, because that would HURT." And the gal measuring fabric was all snickering into her shoulder. Poor girl.)

(Also, Rox and I were at B&N, picking out little booklets for Mer's gift ... with three three-year-olds. As we're perusing a certain ... area ... of the self-help section ... I guess it does count as relationships ... we have various passers-by giving us some glances. Rox mutters, in sotto voice, "Yes, we're looking at sex books. We just don't have ENOUGH kids, can'cha tell??" ... Oh, how I cackled. It only got better when Bruise observantly exclaims, "Wook!! Dere's a wowwipop on dat book!!" ["Look! There's a lolipop on that book!"] ... No, I didn't allow him to glance at the innerds of ANY of those books. Not a glimpse!)

Ah, yes ... the remarkable life and times.

Now, really ... I just HAVE to get through the next, what, 12 days?? Once July 12th is here ... I'm going to be SO DAMN HAPPY.

(Sorry for swearing. But it NEEDED an explitive. It's for descriptive value. Pinkie swears!)

Reunited! And it DOES feel so good!!

Do you KNOW who just called me??????

I bet you don't!

BUT, my freshman year of high school, I got to be friends with Stephanie. And I spent the night at her house, like, ALL the time! (When I wasn't over at Roxy's or Terra's or Meryl's or my own house, anyways.)

And, after about a year, she and her family moved away. And she'd give me a call every so often. Then life happened ... and I graduated and went to college and graduated college ... and I'd find myself thinking about her, wondering how she's doing and all ...

AND SHE CALLED ME!!!!!! WOOT!!!!! YAY!!!

And she's on Facebook, so I have immediately added her! Squee!!!!

Okay, so my list of "people that I adore and have lost touch with" has gone down by one! YAY!
(Because, seriously, I HATE HATE HATE losing touch with my friends. It really peeves me off!!)

I'm so excited! Can you TELL??? (No. Of course not. I'm just THAT stoic. /sarcasm)

Okay, now to get back in touch with:

1. Shaneeka from Thordyke Elementary.
2. Katrina from Thorndyke Elementary.
3. Emi, who attended my high school (South Umpqua) as a foreign exchange student.
4. Amy from WOU's ed program.

Those four are my long-lost priorities. IF, for whatever reason, you're reading this and know who I am and have fallen out of touch with me ... well, get back in touch! (And my omission of you from this list is a near-unforgivable failing upon my part. And I'm VERY lucky that you are such a dear, kind, MERCIFUL soul and put up with me so much. *puppy dog eyes*)

But I'm SO glad that Stephanie went to my house and talked with my mom and that my mom had her call me!! Squee!!!

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Addendum to yesterday's post: Hero (who I know from college ... and who is lucky enough [rightly so] and has the excellent taste to be married to Prissy) wrote a MOST EXCELLENT post regarding Michael Jackon's death: A Missing Piece of Culture.

Go! Enjoy it! I did!

Smooth Criminal

I think that these two links best honor Michael Jackson ... by remembering him as he was, full of promise and bursting with talent.

mental_floss: R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Miss Cellania - Remembering Michael Jackson

I very rarely think of MJ as "Wacko Jacko" or as his late, pale, altered face.

I almost always think of him as he was when I was growing up.

I am saddened that he's gone. He was such a huge impact on music, on dancing.

If you were cool, you could do the moonwalk. (I, sadly, have never managed to be cool.)

One of the records (YES, I listened to records. And cassettes!! Before CDs came out, when I was in Jr. High ... and I didn't really start listening to CDs, we only got a CD player when I was entering high school. Not exactly cutting edge, huh?) I remember listening to over and over and over was "Thriller."

How I loved that album (I even have it on cassette!!) ... the fact that Vincent Price does the epilogue to the title song is just gilding the lily.

I grooved to "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" ... I remember seeing Captain EO at Disneyland (I don't remember MUCH about it ... except that it was in 3-D. I watched "Moonwalker" when it was on Showtime ...

I have always been sad that he chose to get plastic surgery ... it totally changed him, I think. (Totally off-topic: And Rupert Everett?? What WERE you thinking?? Had SUCH a crush on that man ... then he had to get some work done ... He's not nearly as hot anymore. SO tragic!!)

He made some very unwise choices in his life -- the choices leading up to his trial were not good, at any rate. I also know that he didn't have the easiest childhood. Still, he could have made some better choices. And I'm sorry that he wasn't able to do that.

I'm sorry that he is gone.

Because I still picture him as he was when I was a young girl.
When he was the epitome of fame and talent and charisma.

When he was known as this innovator and genius of music.

When most girls had a bit of a crush on this soft-voiced, mild-mannered superstar.

Sometimes nostalgia is such a sharp knife in your heart. (To me, anyways.)

Sometimes life is just not very fair. (To him, anyways.)

I choose to still remember him as I best knew him. When he was shining with potential, on his rising star, fresh-faced, snazzily-dressed, innovating dance and music videos.

It still sucks. But that's the way it is.

Funny conversations ...

One thing I love SO dearly is my collection of friends. They totally make me laugh. And they just GET me, you know?

I mentioned in my previous post that Roxy came to see me (YAY!) ...

Well, while we were chatting on the couch, Michael had left the TV on. I had put it on mute, since it was an episode of House that I'd already seen (the one with the dying dad played by the guy who was in The Ring and Bride and Prejudice? You know the one? ... And where Hugh Laurie's water pipe breaks? That episode.)

AS I WAS SAYING, Roxy and I werre chatting. ... and I started looking past her for a sec. Didn't mean to! Pinkie swears! She looks away from spoiling my cats, over her shoulder at the TV, and starts cracking up.

"Only you, Allanna, would be distracted by a half-naked Dr. House!"
"He's not half-naked!" I weakly protest. "They just aren't showing everything."

Yeah, yeah. The lady doth protest too much. Celeb-crush, much?

(That and earlier in the day, one of my friends tried to correct me on who was and wasn't in Sense and Sensibility - the one with Emma Thompson. I had mentioned that it had Hugh Laurie and Alan Rickman ... she thought I was talking about them as the two male leads. And she'd be right, the two male leads are Hugh GRANT and Alan Rickman. BUT!! Hugh Laurie is in it!! He's the deliciously-accented and delightfully dry-humored Mr. Palmer. ... It's the sarcasm of Dr. House! But with the lusciously plummy accent!! Squee!!)

And there's the exchange between my mom and me the other morning:
Mom: How are you doing?
Me: *rasping* I'm still sick. I'm doing okay. But my voice is kinda gone.

Mom: Oh, I guess I could have just read your Facebook status, huh?

Hee hee. My mom's cute. I love having her on Facebook. It makes me happy.

Even if I have to type her first name, instead of just "Mom," to send her gifts/hugs/flowers. ^_^

My daughter is cute/funny/hilarious/morbid.

Here's the latest example.

"Mom! Mom! I am gonna tell you a story."
Me: Was it a dream?

Bucket: No, Mom. It's a story. ... Once upon a time, all of us -- me, you, Daddy, Mutti, Grandma, Grandpa, Poppi (my stepdad, in case you didn't know)...

Me: And [Bruise]?
Bucket: Yes. We went to a castle. A big castle. And there was a bad witch. A mean witch. And she kick us out of the castle.

Me: Did she throw us out?
Bucket: NO. She KICK us out.

Me: How did she do that? With her magic?
Bucket: No. With her FOOT.

Me: Oh. ... So she literally kicked us out. She must have a very large foot. Did it hurt?

Bucket: What?
Me: Where she kicked us. Did she kick your butt?
Bucket: Yes.
Me: Did it hurt? Did your butt hurt where she kicked you?
Bucket: No. So I took a sword and cut her into tiny pieces.

Me: Wasn't that a little drastic?

Bucket: No.

Me: I mean, couldn't you have ASKED her to be nice? Or gotten a lawyer to sue her so she'd let us in the castle? Or called the police since she was that mean?
Bucket: No. I cut her up. THE END!

Me: Oooooookay. .... Okay. Just don't cut up more people, okay? Can we manage that?

I also had emailed with my brother-in-law, J, about a video I had seen on youtube. He emailed me back and totally made me laugh.

I had suggested that HE play a certain song for someone's birthday. And if he didn't like the idea, forget that I ever mentioned it. Or, if he REALLY LIKES the idea, he could still forget that I mentioned it ... and take all the credit!
As he responded, he wrote "all the credit!! jk"

Seriously, I need to start a fan club for J. He cracks me up SO much! Unfortunately, when he gets married, I'll have to give up my position as president of the fan club. Oh, horrors!! :P

... Also, last night, I realized that in order to share all the hilariosity that is Michael and me watching SYTYCD, I'd have to tape-record us.

I just never remember everything that we (usually HE) say during the night.

I do remember him saying that Nigel and Mary Murphy and Cat seem to be trying to shut up Toni Basil. And him being pretty sure that she's done some drugs in the past.

I remember wondering aloud what Mary Murphy's drink was? Maybe a LONG ISLAND Iced Tea?? Toward the end of the night, she was pretty ... um ... happy. Yeah. Happy.

And, for some reason, I just really don't care for Phillip. Michael agrees that he's kinda goofy looking (I know, I know! I'm shallow! I'm fully aware of this!) ... and I know that he IS a very hard worker... I just don't like him much.

Michael tried to figure out why ... finally I just said, "I don't KNOW. I guess beacuse he's just not Hok." [I REALLY, REALLY liked Hok. I'm glad that Benji Schwimmer won. But I really adore Hok.]

But, really, if you listened to the two of us watch these shows, you'd really agree that we have a future as real-life Waldorf and Statler. Except that I'm a girl. But still.

Also, I'm still VERY, VERY BITTER that Fox is not every planning on releasing DVDs of the seasons ... or even just some of the best dances of the seasons.

They're all like, "Blah, blah, blah ... there's not enough of a market ... the music rights are too expensive ... blah, blah, blah."
Then WHY ON EARTH are there DVDs of some of American Idol??

I had griped a little to Michael as he was recalling a few dances from a couple of seasons ago (which means that they were a couple of YEARS ago) ... and I couldn't remember these dances well at all. And I grumped, "Well, if SYTYCD WANTS me to remember past performances, it'd be nice if they RELEASED them on DVD. *grumpy sigh*"
"Not that you're bitter or anything," Michael smugly observed.

"Me?? Nooooo!"

Yeah, this has been a rather long blog full of nothing in particular. Oh well. It's keeping my mind off the fact that my sinuses are still sore, I've got that wisdom tooth coming in (with a CANKER SORE on my cheek against it! Ai-yi-yi!!), and that I really have little-to-no-voice left. I can either croak or whisper. And, if I feel it's REALLY warrented, I can give a quick shout.

But I mostly don't want to talk at all.

Or look in the mirror. With my plague, I've not been sleeping so well, so I look ... TIRED. OLD. NOT GOING TO BE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. (Not that I've seen that show for about a year or so. Is it still on??)

Also, I'm still ticked off that Max was eliminated last week. I still think that Jason should have gone. We've got contemporary dancers up the wazoo (wahzoo? How does one spell that??) and Max was a Ballroom (Latin Ballroom, to be precise) dancer!! There's not tons on the show!
If HE had been in it, that Paso Doble wouldn't have been half as awful. (And seriously, I may just be being a little catty/bitter, but WHO chose those costumes?? EEK! They were vair, vair distracting. And I LIKE the Paso Doble, so this was a huge disappointment to me.)

(You want a GREAT Paso Doble?? Go watch John O'Hurley in Dancing with the Stars. He was AWESOME. LOVE him!! And he's not a PROFESSIONAL-type dancer!!!!)

Unfortunately I cannot find a video of him dancing the Paso Doble ... but if you ever get a chance, you should totally, TOTALLY watch it!!!!

He's a wonderfully hilarious man. I like him very much.
(Whenever I spend Tanksgiving with my Mom -- she, Julie and I watch the dog show. We always root against the poodles [They win WAY too often!] and I ADORE O'Hurley's commentary. It makes me happy. And I'm not even a dog person!!)

Okay, I'm shutting up now. Soon it'll be time to feed the kidlets and put them down for a nap. And follow suit myself. ^_^ Yay!

Sorry for not blogging sooner. I'm trying to remember what all has gone on since I last blogged.

So, last Wednesday, we had storytime ... and I'm sure that we did something else.
Thursday was storytime in the next town over, complete with doughnuts and snacks for my kidlets (SPOILED!!) and chatting with my dear library ladies and gents.

Bucket, as one of the library guys walked in, asked me, "Mommy! Who 'dat??"
"Oh, that's J[library guy]."
"I love him."
"...Well, don't get your hopes up, girl. He's already married. And his wife is really nice. She works here, too."

When I told him about it, he joked to Bucket that he'd probably be single in a couple decades, when she's old enough. Ha!! (And he better not be. Not that I wouldn't have fun with him as a son-in-law [He's frakkin' HILARIOUS!] ... but his wife is very, very nice and darling. And I'd have to kick him in the shins if he screwed that up. ^_^)

Friday, Michael went into work for a couple hours. I washed the cats and powdered them (FLEAS! HATE FLEAS!!!) and we went to the aquarium while the flea bombs went off.

Bucket and Bruise were very excited to touch sea stars (YES, I HAVE taught them that they are REALLY called sea stars. It was drummed into my head. Ergo, it's drummed into theirs.) and the baby sharks and rays.

They're still skittish about touching the abalone, anenomes, chitons, sea lemon, sea cucumbers, and the urchins. But they love seeing the little crabs in the touch/tidepool display. They'll come around.

Then we went to dinner while we aired the house out. Mexican food = DELICIOUS. I had the chicken mole (it has CHOCOLATE IN THE SAUCE!! And, though it sounds strange at first, it's really, really good. Bucket kept asking for more. ^_^ My little gormand.)

Saturday was spent at home -- C and A and the cousins came over. C climbed under the house to help rid us of the NASTY plastic underneath that some animal in the neighborhood decided to use as a giant toilet. (GROSS!!) While he was down there, a cinderblock got knocked/moved ... some dumb bunny who set up this place (it's a manufactured home ... almost as old as I am) set all the venilation ducts on top of water pipes. And DIDN'T secure the pipes to take the weight. So a pipe broke ... and we were without water for a little.

With four kids needing to use the toilet. Eeps! Thankfully, we were able to get that taken care of in about an hour. Phew!

Oh, and Saturday, I started getting sick. Just a nasty allergy-feeling-thing. Which has turned into a full-blown cold. AND one of my wisdom teeth is really making its presence known. (And guess who doesn't have dental insurance?? [Me.]) So, the last few days, I've been trying to sleep in, drug myself up, blow my nose constantly, hack into my elbow-pit, and NOT sound like death warmed over. Fun!!

We missed the first day of the community's free wading pool (this is the last year for it!!!!) because (1) it was a little cold, (2) the kiddos were not making life easy for me -- so I wasn't in any mood to take them anywhere fun, and (3) I had the plague.

It was mostly a sore throat and a stuffed-up head. Now it's moving out of the head and into my lungs. And I think that I've lost my voice. Just tried to sing a note ... I had nothing. No arias today, my dear self. Nope! Okay, I was able to get one note out.

And my speaking voice is quite breathy -- like I'm imitating Marilyn Monroe. With a wisdom tooth poking itself through. (It's not the pain, my dears. It's the pressure.)

(But ibuprofen takes care of that. Once (1) I take it and (2) it kicks in.)

Yesterday was storytime at the Carnigie building here in town.

The one that Bruise pronounces as "Carney." ("Circus folk. Small hands. Smell like cabbage." <-- Anyone going to name the quote??)

In other news, I am THISCLOSE to catching up on the dishes. The ones that I mostly hadn't done since family went back home after T2's wedding. (I know!! LAZY!!) ... and I have a matric crapload of laundry to wash. (And fold. And put away. Sigh.)

My friend, Roxy, came to visit the other day. And give me fun prezzies!! She gave me two CDs of these fun Japanese singers, Kokusyoku Sumire, and a DVD of anime. ^_^ Of course, I've not been awesome enough to listen to/watch it all yet. AND I forgot to lend her my copy of the complete Princess Ai manga. Crap! Oh well. She and I will be seeing each other next month for SURE, since we're both in M's wedding. I'll just have to make sure that I'm made of awesome and remember to pack it to give to her!

Okay. Now to move a load from the wash into the dryer and get more clothes washed. It'll be nice of I have more than one pair of pants that I can wear. Ugh. And let's get the kiddos to clean their room. And I'm NOT doing it this time!!

Oh -- and Progressive is accepting responsibility for 60% of damages. Yay for some reimbursement! Phew! That's WAY better than paying for everything. Phew!

Some resolution ... Phew.

The van is back. And the back bumper is gorgeous. (I think they may have washed the van, too. Yay!)

It was a little crazy. Went to story time, got home, got the call that the van's done (Seriously, it took a DAY to be all done!! That NEVER happens!), worked out with the shop to pick it up, worked with the rental agency (srsly, use Enterprise. They treated us SO well! Next time I need a car, I'm SO going to call them!) to return the van ... then noticed that the shop was charging us twice our deductible ... so I had to call our insurance and get that cleared up.
(Since so many people have a certain amount as their deductible, I guess people didn't notice that we have a small deductible. Yes, I KNOW that we pay more in premiums ... but when something happens, I don't want to have my head implode trying to figure how to pay the deductible. Okay? ^_^) ... and went and implemented EVERYTHING.

And the kids are down for a nap. Phew!

And I don't know if I've eaten anything today. I've had a Kirkland-brand shake and a couple cans of Coke (hey, they're left over from family visiting. And I like Coke fine. Vanilla Coke is even better. Or cherry Coke. Or Cherry Vanilla Coke. ... and the Cherry Dr. Pepper wasn't too bad, either.), which could explain why I was so nauseated thinking of paying twice our deductible.

BUT, things are MUCH BETTER now. They'd be totally awesome if SUDDENLY and MIRACULOUSLY we had a huge windfall of money fall in our laps. In a completely legal way, of course. And not involving anyone's death or misfortune. Then I could pay off this van and buy Michael a Corvette and a very nice truck and I could get a nicer car ... or at least get a button-box installed in my van. And a CD player. And power sliding doors. And replace the missing headrest. And have it painted something PRETTY-er.

Materialistic much? Me? Nah (YES.)

But it's very nice to have this whole thing behind us.

It'd be NICER if the insurance companies would both agree that it was NOT AT ALL my fault (which it really wasn't, since I was stopped when he backed into me) and Progressive will pay my insurance back for repairs and refund us our deductible.

I did a load of dishes yesterday. I totally am deserving of props for that, right?

Now I should go watch some videos due back at the library tomorrow. And read some books that will be due soon. And eat something nutrious. Then read to the kids when they get up from the nap that they should take.

OH! Last night, after we'd put the kids to nap, I heard what sounded like Bucket laugh. So I shouted (yes, I used the manual intercom) for them to go to sleep. Then there was screaming. Uh-oh. ... Turned out that Bruise had gotten his leg caught in the footboard of the bed next to his and was half-dangling out of bed.

He's fine. He was just mostly scared. And it did hurt. But he didn't even sprain anything. Phew!!
I think I got some grey hairs from that, though. Oy.

And a funny: As we were driving back home from the shop, Bucket was asking (and this is her new thing) if I loved her.
Me: Yes. You know that I love you. I love you very much.

Bucket: Even when you're mad at me??

Me: Yes, even when I'm mad. I still love you. I always love you.

Bucket: Bruise! Do you love me? Even when you're mad at me?

Bruise: No.

Bucket: *gasps* You don't LOVE me?????? *like, she's TOTALLY aghast about this.*

It made me laugh.

Hope it brightened your day, too.

(But seriously, Bucket asks just about EVERYONE if they love her. It's almost funny ... if it didn't seem like she's digging for compliments. Silly minx of a girl.)

And Bruise's big thing now is to zerbert my cheeks. Usually in the middle of story time.
He's getting really good at it.

Or he'll curl up in my lap, put his arms around my neck, and tell me, "Mommy, you a punk!"

Yup. That's my little Cassanova, there. *sigh* I've taught him well. :P

Google Verb Meme

Okay, so Bri CALLED ME (on the PHONE, people!!) to tag me.

Here's where it kinda started (if you know Hank and John Green, you might have seen this video before. I've been lax and lazy and so have gotten behind on following their vlog. I know, I know. I'm an epic fail.):

But, here I go. I'll let you know if I had to mispell my name (since I AM quite singular) to get the results.

(And also, I am refusing to steal any from my own blog. That feels all cheaty-mcCheatersons)

1. Allanna needs to turn 6 more or gain 150 more Vampire points to reach the next level: Vampire Jedi!

• Wow! I never knew that (1) I was really a vampire or (2) that I was a Jedi!!

2. Allanna looks like a pilot.

• Sweet!! Did I borrow my friend Sarah's aviator hat? If so, I'd better get a haircut. It looks WICKED CUTE with a little bob!

3. Allanna says Happy Birthday Mom

• Aww, look! I'm a GOOD daughter! (I'm my mom's favorite only daughter.
  (And if you do this search, you actually get a few comments that I've done. Most of them are on breastfeeding blogs. So, yeah ... I'm nothing if not a wealth of lactating info. :P)

4. Allanna wants a gumball that costs 30 cents. Show one way she can pay for the gumball with exact change, using just nickels and dimes.

• And I'm educational!!

5. Allanna does not have any Contacts at this time.

• I have NEVER had any contacts, for the record. I've never had glasses, either.
  (And after this one, the next result IS referring to me. From Childplayx2's blog. Makes me feel all famous. :P ... Deanna was commenting that she also has to tell her children that SHE, not them, is the mommy. Good to know I'm not the only one.)

6. Alanna hates this art piece. And im pregnant and im drinking and taking valium. Have a great day.

• Unless I wanted to use a book review of one of Tamora Pierce's books (not a bad thing at all, since I own copies of most of her novels!), this was the best one. There was one result that popped up with the correct spelling of my name ... but it doesn't belong on this blog. Too much profanity. And I don't think any of you are indiscriminate in your intimate partners, per se. And, even if I did think so, I'd say it in a much, MUCH kinder way that was used. I'm just sayin'.

7. Allanna asks bluntly.

• They pegged me, huh? Although, I can try to beat around the bush, I am usually pretty candid and will cut to the chase. Unless I don't feel completely comfortable around you. (Not your fault! Just pet my hair and tell me that I'm charming. I'll spill my life story, then!)

8. Allanna likes to be Mummy, it kinda gives it that 'no parents, sleepover' type feeling for them all!

• It's cool and all, being the mom, sure. But my kids are VERY aware that I'm the mom ... so I DO get to be bossy.

9. Alanna Eats Food.

• Yes. Yes, I do. Not going to even try to deny this one. You got me there, you did!

10. Alanna wears a Vera Wang gown with Chantilly lace appliqués and an organza fan-tiered skirt

• Well aren't I fashionable! And, obviously, in debt! Where did I get the idea that I could afford something like this? I had better have rented this! Or found it at Goodwill or something! (And be wearing a shrug or jacket, since there aren't many Vera Wang dresses that I've seen ---not that I've seen all that many, sadly -- with sleeves.)

11. Alannah ain't never been arrested for walking in her sleep.

• Because, to my knowledge, I've never gone sleepwalking. Obviously my name-sharers and I are quite the law-abiding folk. *preens*

12. My Auntie Alanna Loves Me!

allanna loves granddaddy.

Allanna loves to eat <-- Obviously. Or I would be fitting in my high school clothes. I love you... but Allanna loves you more. :).

Allanna loves you very much.

Allanna Loves Sully <-- Dude, on Dr. Quinn? He was da bomb! Handsome, capable, tortured past, AND let his woman be a helpmeet? Pretty awesome guy, I'd say. ^_^

• Seriously, I'm all about the love, aren't I? *double-preens*

Yup, that's the end of it.

SO, I'm s'possed to tag 5 people to take this on themselves.

And I really kinda hate tagging folk, since what if they DON'T WANT to/don't have TIME to?

But I'm going to do it anyways. Since my friends (that's YOU!) are fun.

So, consider yourselves tagged:

• Melissa (FoldMyLaundryPlease)
• Katie (Kate the Great)
• Jenny (Life and Its Many Adventures)
• Dawn (Yng@<3) (And the quote is from Days of Thunder, if you haven't figured it out yet!)
• Brooke (Paranoid in Reverse)

If you REALLY don't want to do it, I'm not going to judge you. But I kinda hope that you will, since you all will have fun answers. ^_^

"That was rubbin'"

Props to you if you know which movie the title alludes to.

Hint: It's from 1990. And I didn't watch it until I was around14. Which was about halfway into the decade. I'm nothing if NOT anything near cutting edge. I grew up under a rock in some respects.

SO, what's been keeping me busy (and away from you beautiful people)?

• My mom came to visit. Which was superfun.
• Except for the part where we were leaving storytime Wednesday and a guy backed into the van. While we were in it. *sigh* (That's what inspired the "rubbin'" quote. "No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he *rubbed* you. And rubbin, son, is racin'.") (That was your last hint.)
• My sister-in-law, T2, is gettin' MARRIED tomorrow. We have family up visiting and working on stuff for the reception. My main duty, besides a little hosting? T2's flowers. I need to take pictures of them for you all, don't I?
• And filing a claim and setting up a rental for getting the van fixed. From what we can tell, the damage is mostly cosmetic -- about a three-inch crack on the rear bumber and a swath of paint damage. Whee. At least no one was hurt.

But, yeah. The most exciting thing for the kids is TALKING about the "crash" (Totally just a fender-bender) and how the car is HURT and there was a big bump.

It really wasn't my fault. At the point of impact, I had stopped and was honking my horn repeatedly to alert the other guy to STOP and NOT HIT US, you know? (I , after giving my testimony of the incident, asked my adjustor if there were anything that I could have done differently to avoid the accident. She told me that, no, I had done everything right. Which is a VERY validating thing to hear.)

Funny thing about it: He and I had gotten out of our cars to exchange info and assess damage. He was SO visibly upset that I asked him if he needed a hug. He did.

Send us prayers and god mojo that the insurance companies will agree that I wasn't at fault ... and Michael and I will get our deductible refunded. We could use those funds. ^_^

Well, family is back! Gotta go feed them!!

Ciao, y'all!

For my fellow bibliophiles

I have a friend who's an awesome gal: teacher, reader, mom, likes to run (for FUN!! Can you believe it? Well, maybe you can. But my lazy-buns self is still flabberghasted at the idea. :P) ...

AND, Kari and her friends have a blog, Reading for Sanity. Right now (until June 30) they've opened up a giveaway.

All you have to do is become a follower of their blog (like, SIGN UP to receive updates follower), write a snippet about it on your blog or social networking site (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) and leave them a comment with your name and which of the books they've reviewed that you'd like to read next. (Seriously, they've reviewed a LOT. Lots of different genres. ... Of the newest reviews, I TOTALLY recommend "The Thirteenth Tale." It was really, really, really great.)

At this point you have, what, 22 days and just over eight hours to get signed up. So, go! Go read some reviews, see if there's something you need to add to your to-read list. (THIS list, for me, has passed 2000. Yes, I have issues. BUT I use goodreads.com to keep track of what I have read and what I want to read. TOTALLY beats the ten scribbled-out scraps of paper I used to rely on. ^_^)

Come on, what are you waiting for? You could win FIVE books!! (I don't know which ones. That just adds to the mystery! Whee!!)

And, hey, if you win ... and, um, you don't WANT some of those books ... you can TOTALLY send them my way. I'll love them and adore them and pet them and call them "George."
(I may be joking about that "George" part. You never know with me. :P)

Oh My Flip!! Chekkit Owt!!

If I were EVER to redo my wedding, I'd SO want to do this!!!!!

Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

HOW FRAKKIN' COOL IS THAT???
(And I love the song. It's a good song to run to on the treadmill. On the RARE occasions that I run. But when I walk/run on the treadmill, THIS song is an awesome motivator. And Freddy Mercury was such a ROCK STAR -- even if I can't condone his lifestyle, dude, this guy was SO awesomely talented!! Cannot describe it!)
But, srsly!! I LOVE this idea. I totally cracked up laughing SO many times watching this!!

(You did too, right???)

Fan Grrl!!!

Okay, I don't know if you're aware of this ... but I have a bit of a fan-girl crush on Seth Green.

I mean, what's not to adore about the boy??

He was SO sweet and wonderful as Oz in Buffy the Vampire Slayer! 
(I mean, honestly, who else can deliver lines about how the animal cracker money MUST be French? ... Gosh, I love that scene. That right there, and my Cynthia, is the reason why I can say "I mock you with my monkey pants" in French. ... Yeah. Random Allanna trivia GALORE.)

He's hilarious.

He has a cameo in Weird Al's "White and Nerdy" video.

(Yes, he DOES that little butt-slap in front of the action figures. And I giggle.)

And in interviews, he's just ... great. I like him. If I threw a dinner party of people that I'd want to just listen to ... oh, he'd get an engraved invite, I tell you.

And then, THIS!!

Un-Broke: The Seth Green Cribs Edition - watch more funny videos

It just made my day. I like that not only is he an actor ... but he's all fiscally fit. Go Seth!

What is UP with me?

It's not like I'm TRYING to ignore my blog. I just happen to do so really easily right now.

Okay, first thing to share:

A couple days ago, Bruise made Bucket mad by not doing something ... I think she was demanding asking him to play with her, and he wouldn't.

So, as I'm typing at the computer or just playing Facebook games, I hear her tearfully proclaim, "FINE! Be that way!!" ... Hmmmm. I wouldn't know where she'd learn that from.  *shifty eyes*

Yup, yet another example of EXCELLENT parenting at work.

... So, what else have we been up to? I've been doing better at reading to the kids.  Trying that 20 minutes a day thing. And it's going well enough. Phew!

I put suncreen on the kids (and HATS!) when we were working in the yard (well, Michael and I were really working. The kids mostly just followed us and whined. Or tried to play in traffic. ... Okay, not so much. But Bruise was trying to play in the street. Pushing his limits and all).

We actually have a yard under all those weeds. And I did some major cutting back of a few trees and rosebushes (and have the scratches to prove that last one). 

I also got a killer deal over at Waldenbooks. $52 = an excercise ball with resistance band that fits on it with accompanying DVD and book, Pilates workout circle with book and DVD, and the Miracle Ball Method book with 2 miracle balls. I know that I didn't NEED another exercise ball ... but the one that I had is SMALL (like, if I've draped the middle of my back on it, it's almost rolling over my head if I'm trying to stretch my back. That isn't right) and it's this weird opaque reddish-orange-salmon. Kinda ugly, in my opinion.
THIS new ball is HUGE in comparison and it's a gorgeous translucent teal. 

Hey, I don't know about you ... but having cute workout gear helps me. I know, I'm terribly vain and shallow. But, you know what? I can deal with that. And, you know, if I have cute stuff, I'm more liable to USE it. So this was a total bargain. Since usually a new workout ball and the pilates circle would be 40 bucks each ... or more.

Okay, I know that I haven't written much ... or anything important ... but I really should try to vacuum and get the dishes and laundry done. Especially since we have to leave for storytime in a couple hours ... and I haven't worked out or taken a shower.

Or a million other little things.

BUT!! I took the kiddos swimming yesterday. They LOVED their water wings (Courtesy of a great going-out-of-business sale over at Joe's). Bruise enjoyed paddling in the deep end. Bucket went down the water slide by herself. It's CRAZY how independent and brave my kids can be.
Now we just have to work on the rules of water safety.

And Bucket keeps telling me that I have a baby in my belly. I don't. It's just fat (sadly. I'd rather be this shape due to a baby being in there ... instead of stretched out and out of shape from having had TWO babies in there ... and being incredibly lazy). Really. Don't get your hopes up.

OKAY, NOW I have to get the place clean. I'm shutting up now. REALLY!!

Just thinking: Motherhood ... and not being Martha Stewart (or a whole lot of other people)

I know that women can be competitive ... even mean sometimes.

And I love it when other women take a stand (Seriously, I love how Chris is always such a straight-shooter and speaks her mind) against the group that can be all back-biting and whatever.

Also, at the same time, I do wonder if I'm doing enough for my kids. Would Bruise and Bucket be happier/better off/more self-suficient if I did things differently?

I'll confess, I'm not a GREAT mom. I'm passable. 
I love my kids, don't get me wrong. I do what I can to keep them safe. I want them to know FIRST AND FOREMOST that they are loved. That they can trust Mommy and Daddy to keep them safe, to listen to them, to love them.

Everything else? That's frosting on the cake ... And frosting is good.

My children are three.

They are ALL TOO FAMILIAR with the PBS line-up.
They recognize McDonald's as we drive past.

They have never eaten organic food on a regular basis. (Well, not on purpose, really. That stuff's SPENDY!!)
(If Costco happens to have something organic that they'd eat, sure, I'll get it. But I'm not going out of my way [and budget] to buy stuff that's going to end up either in the toilet or in the garbage. I'm just keeping it real.)

They don't get to play outside a lot.
(This will change. When they learn to listen well enough and play nicely enough that I can READ A BOOK while they play at the park ... without having to wait until Michael's home to help watch TWO LITTLE BODIES THAT ALWAYS RUN IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS, that's when I'll be happy to take them to the park every frakkin' day.)

(Yes, I AM that lazy and selfish. I can admit it.)

They are not reading yet.
They have not cured cancer.

I don't let them ride their tricycles outside, since I haven't bought them helmets.
(We have no real yard. They'd be in the driveway or on the sidewalk. And I think there's a law.)

I'd prefer for them to run on grass and not on the sidewalk (They SCREAM when they fall. I don't like them to scream. It makes me sad.)

Sometimes I forget to put sunscreen on my kids. I try to tell myself that at least they're getting some Vitamin D.

I mean, look at all that room for improvement.

When they break a toy, I try to fix it. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes, if a toy isn't fixable, it get thrown out. I've vacuumed up some things that didn't get picked up.
(I was tired of yelling at the kids to pick up their damn DRATTED messes.

My son's stool (TMI, I KNOW) has not been ... regular. He's in the midst of little-boy diarrhea (Go me! I spelled that correctly! Woo hoo! <-- Must find joy in the stupid small things.)

I am not a Martha Stewart. I'm not a SuperMom. I'm not June Cleaver. I'm not even Claire Huxtable (though, GOSH, I wish I were! She was one cool monkey-fighter. :P) I'm not Maria Montessori, either.

I'm making an effort to read to my kids daily. Sometimes I make my goal.

I would love to have a clean house and children who help, unbidden.

I would be thrilled if I suddenly were the type of gal who knew what to make for dinner every night. And had it made, piping hot on a table SET FOR DINNER, the minute my big, strong man came home from his bread-winning duties.

I'd like to be stylish and cool. (If you are about to tell me that I am, you're so sweet to lie to me. Flattery will get you everywhere. ... And if you're protesting that last statement, then  my evil plan is working and I've fooled you all!)

I'd like to have fun and educational plans for everyday ... Kinda like Teacher Suzie on Sid the Science Kid. 

I am not going to judge another mom for her parenting choices. I think it's sometimes silly to be outspoken on some issues. It's not my business whether or not you decided to circumcize. It's not my business if you chose to breastfeed or bottlefeed. If you went with cloth diapers, good for you! If you didn't, good for you!

I'll confess that I moved my munchkins from their first carseat into their facing-forward a little early (well, for Bucket. She's always been about a pound or two lighter than Bruise. And about 1/2 - 1 ince shorter). I made the choice to do this because if HE got to be facing forward, I'd never have heard the end of it. (Until you've had twins, I really don't know if you understand the whole "Anything YOU can do *I* can do better! ... or at least JUST as WELL!!" ... because, heck, I sure didn't!)

I could have gotten some serious flack about it (and, technically, I did ... but I wasn't aware of it because I don't always re-read comments after I've posted on a blog. This was not one of the times I re-visited. But one of my dear friends was kind enough to erase it before I had the chance to see it and possibly be hurt). But ... I had asked my doctor. And he told me that it was really my call. And so I made my call. And I've never regretted it.

I've been called out (online) for choosing circumcision. And, you know, I'm okay that not everyone thinks I made the right decision. I almost didn't choose to snip. I've accepted that there is someone somehwere out in the blogosphere who thinks that I'm messed up in the head for an aesthetic reason. I did fret about it for a minute (or maybe a day), but, hey, by then it was months too late. :P
Also, I had one family member who told me that she was really glad that it was being done. A past relationship of hers wasn't snipped. And wasn't all that into hygiene. Iykwim. Aityd.
I also know of someone who had a DIY circ. (YES. For realz. I know this person, not just of him.)

And, on the way into the doctor's office, from the waiting room, one of the nurses told me how glad she was that I was doing it -- since she's seen one little boy come back repeatedly for Urinary tract infections (and since I had some of those as a little girl, I was not about to have my little preshus baybee boy at risk for those. I was pretty miserable when they'd occur.)

There are a few things that are important to me, for my children, my family. Maybe they're not the same as yours. And that's okay. It's great, even!

I feel strongly in favor:

• Breastfeeding - I LOVED nursing my kids. I know that it's not for everyone.
• Helmets while on bicycles - I know a gal who, when she was a teenager, had a bad bicycle accident and is brain damaged. So I grew up in a home where you MUST wear your helmet.

I think these things are a little silly -- and that's just me:

• Requiring car seats/booster seats until a child is 4'11" -- (1) where are the studies proving that CAR SEATS (and not just seatbelts) make accidents so much safer? (2) If these are SO required, why do they cast SO much? It's not like you don't have to buy at least one for each of your kids! and (3) Why aren't they being built in to automobiles? C'mON people!
• Potty-training before a child can talk/crawl -- I have twins. It seems like a wildly WONDERFUL idea ... but I know that I couldn't possibly handle doing it. I might have saved a fortune on diapers, but I'd be a total basketcase.
• Kids getting sued for kissing another kid on the playground. (Dude, if the kid's in Elementary school, s/he does NOT deserve a sexual harassment suit. That's just crazy.)

Things I wouldn't mind trying:

• Slings/Baby-wearing - It would free up a hand/arm. That'd be AWESOME.
• Cloth diapers - Truly, it appears that they aren't any better for the environment, since you're using water and bleach to clean them. But garbage day would be a bit nicer. ... However, when you kiddo has nasty-pants, you can't just chuck them out. Hm.

The only things that I feel are wrong, wrong, wrong are abuse and neglect. (I'm not against a little swat every so often. Sometimes it can be justified. I came from a family where spanking was the norm. Also a little shouting. I don't think that I'm a murderous, sociopathic abuser. Neither do my kids.) If those are happening, then something really should be done to change the situation. NOBODY, child or adult, deserves to be treated without respect.

I'm all for not judging each other's parenting skills/techniques. What works for one family doesn't always work for another.  Heck, what works for ONE child doesn't always work for another. (And that's why there are SO DANG MANY books/shows about childrearing. :P)

So .. now that that's out there, I'd like to hear some feedback.

What are some things that you'd like to be better at (doesn't just have to be in regards to childrearing, since not all of you, my dear readers, have children)?
Want to confess anything? I'm all about listening and commiserating with you.

And, hey, if you have any great advice, tips, or magic tricks ... let me know!

And maybe then I'll be a better (more-awesome) wife and mom. Because it's nice to be good at something, right? ^_^

Paging Noah ...

So, you always HEAR about kids overflowing the tub, right?

Well ... you know how we never quite do things according to regular stereotype ...

I think that Bucket's adequately summed it up: "Mommy, it all YOUR fault."

She's right.

------

Okay, okay, I'm not going to leave it just like that. 

SO, yesterday, the kids are in the bath. I've left the water running and am talking to Michael. He goes to turn off the water ... and it's over the tub and just starting to gently lap at the carpet's edge in the hallway. 

Oops.

So we drain over half the water in the tub to a NORMAL amount, I'm put on mop-up-this-unholy-mess detail (and am getting FAR too intimate with the state of cleanliness [or COMPLETE LACK THEREOF] of the children's toilet) and using the hairdryer to dry out the spaces where the walls and floor meet. And swab out all the water that's dripped down the heat vent. And Michael's on take-all-the-sopping-towels-out-of-carpeted-areas duty.

YES, only in MY house am I the one to flood the bathroom.

At first, when Michael and I FREAKED THE CHICKEN OUT at the water level in the tub, Bucket started to apologize. We stopped her. "No, it's not your fault," Michael told her. 
"It's my fault, [Bucket]. It's Mommy's fault. I should have been paying better attention," I assured her.

So, during our prayers last night, Bucket had me helping her. 
"Thank You for not letting the house be too flooded during bathtime," I prodded Bucket.

"Mommy, that all YOUR fault," she whispered back. "It YOUR fault, Mommy."

... And it's all I can do NOT to snicker. 
Because she's right.
And it's perversely funny that she's rubbing my nose in it.

(That'll wear off fast.)

------------------------

In other news, after Michael left for work, the internet stopped working.
(It's back on. Don't get your knickers in a twist or anything.)

So, I turned off the modem, restarted the computer. Waited a few minutes. Tried it all again.

Nothing.

So I called Qwest. 
In the past, we've not always had the best relationship with our phone company.

(They once turned off our phone for no apparent reason. Never refunded us any money for that. We pretty much hated them.)
However, the phone tree-recording guy did some magic. I went through the menu ... and when I got to saying "Internet service," he oh-so-apologetically said that there is an internet outage. And they're working on it ... but there's no time estimate for when it'd be fixed ... would you like us to give you a call when this is resolved? "Yes!"

And, at 9:02 AM ... about an hour after I had called to ask the phone company what the frig was up, I got the nice recorded-man call. And he was right!

Now, this isn't the first time that Qwest has made me happy (getting a nice price locked-in "for life" for our DSL was nice. Getting a new phone wire to help the DSL work well -- very nice. ... I'm starting to really like Qwest.) ... And I thought I'd NEVER say that. At least never with a straight face.

It just goes to show you that having good customer service can really go a long way.

(For the record, I've had good customer service from Verizon ... not that I usually ever have to give them a call. But I did give them a call about a charge on our bill. And the guy I talked to? He was great. And since, as he told me, their calls are ALWAYS recorded, I made sure to tell him that he should get a raise.)

(For the record, if you're customer service ... and I tell you that you should get a raise, feel really complimented. And I hope you get that raise!)

(Also for the record, if I sound all icy and, upon hanging up, say a VERY. BAD. WORD. .. Well, I am nothing saying it because I want you to get that raise.)

BUT, I will make mention that the toilet in the kids'/hall bathroom is SO MUCH CLEANER. I love what bleach can do for a bathroom. (Not so much what it does for my dark shirts. I now have some spots on one of my nicer brown shirts. *sigh*)

I would very much like a nap now. Thank you.

Also, if you haven't wished my sister-in-law, T2, a happy birthday ... go get on it! ^_^

No clever title.

Yes, yes. It's been about a week since my last confession post.

Sorry. I've been busy (playing far too many Facebook games) ... doing stuff. 

Michael and I tackled the ginormous pile of laundry. Half of it is folded. We've watched a few DVDs (Disc 1 of xxxHolic -- anime, pretty good; The Man with One Red Shoe, Saved! <-- No, really. There's an exclamation point in the title.).  We took the kids to the zoo Friday ... when, like, at least FIFTEEN schools had field trips that morning. Oy. Used to be that 9 AM at the zoo was pretty quiet. Not so much this time.  It was crowded. And I ran over more than one errant school-child's foot. Some were not on purpose so much. (Seriously kids -- get OUT of the way of a stroller. YOU have much better control. AND if you think that STANDING in MY way is getting you any sympathy, darlin', you're so wrong.) (Also, it didn't help that I'm in the throes of hormonal-caused madness and near homocidal-ness-essence.)

Michael did remark some funny things:

• "Maybe we shoudn't go anywhere the weekend that you're on your period."
  (No, really. He's allowed to say these things. And he's right. Unless I get a good dose of Valarian in my system, I'm rather ... bwitchy. I can be honest about it. ... And I'm not a huge fan of crowds.)
• "I never used like hippos much. But since Carl (Bucket's stuffed hippopotamus), I'm really offended at how people talk about hippos."
  -- As we ate out lunch, watching the hippos, EVERYBODY who came to see the hippos were all, "WOW, Those hippos are FAT!" "Look at how FAT those things ARE!"
  ... Since, as I've mentioned, I'm not at my most Christ-like and philanthropric point of my personality, I ALMOST said to one of the boys who was talking about the rotundity of said mammals, "Wow, genius. YOU'RE one to talk." ... But you should be SO proud of my restraint. I try not to make Jesus cry.

But, yes ... having children can change a person.

Also -- completely random -- I think it's HILARIOUS when Michael says "Damn." ... He wasn't even cussing the last time he said it. (He barely EVER says it. Which is why I find it so funny when he does.) ... He and I were reading a webpage and someone had misspelled it "dam."

But his inflection!! It was so great.  ... And so I sniggered and giggled, "You said, 'Damn!'"

(Because, yes, I am JUST that mature.)

Yesterday, my Ginger-cat ... my seventeen-year-old, geriatric baby-cat smacked me.
Okay, maybe it was just a love tap. But it was because I wasn't holding her.
It made me laugh. It's like she's all, "ExCUSE me? I want to be held. In your lap. NOW. Thank yeeeeeew."

Also, the kiddos really love the cats. They like to carry Ginger. And it's so funny, since they know to hold her bottom so that it's supported ... and, like, half of her is hanging over Bruise's or Bucket's shoulder as they (kid and carried cat) walk away. And Ginger is just looking like, "What? I didn't ask for this .... Oh well."

So, yeah, even though I'm all pissy, I still find a lot of humor in things. 

Like how, ... Okay, first, let's get this straight. When this happened, it was late. And we were tired.

BUT, as I was saying, we had gone to bed after a longday of cooking dinner and things. Michael made carne asada burritos for dinner. I made monkey bread/sticky buns.

As we lay down in bed, Michael started to say something, caught himself, and was laughing. 
So, OF COURSE, I HAD to know what it was.

He snickered that he had almost called the dessert 'monkey balls.'
Hee!!!

So now I'm SO tempted to text him (and he's probably in a meeting now) "Sweet monkey balls!"
(It's almost up there with the TV edit of the famous line from Snakes in a Plane ... I haven't seen the movie. But I have just that clip here for your viewing. And it's totally SFW [safe for work].)

Seriously, that makes me SO bust up. Don't know WHY totally. It just does.

Here are some more links that I've wanted to share with you.

Cute stop action movie ... music video, really:

SFW  (and hella cute!!) - How babies are made:

Silly - Pregnant women are smug:

(I thought it was funny. And for my pregnant friends/recently pregnant friends, I'm not 
saying/thinking that it applies to you. I just think it's funny.)

Not-so-safe for work - Kindra Sutra (What kids think about sex ... or what adults thought
when they were kids.)

I was not one of these. I was precoscious. I read the encyclopedia entry about sexxoring when I was in first grade. I was shocked that they, the Encyclopedia people, would use such language
as "v@gin@" or "pen!s." ... Yeah. My mom was SO thrilled. (Not.)

Also less-safe for work: "I Remember Andrea BETTER"
(Andrea hated her high school experience. So she sent a stripper to her reunion, pretending to be her. I thought it was funny. There's no nudity ... there is a bit of a striptease, down to undies.)

It really made me snicker. And briefly consider doing the same thing.
Except that I don't know any strippers. And I don't have a film crew. Or, to be honest, the moxie to actually DO it.)

And, to close up, ADORABLE piano duet.

I'm not dead! Really! Pinkie-swears!

Yes, I know. I've been a total and complete punk. I'm aware.

However, I'm here now. And I have been a little busy ... See??

Since I last blogged:

• My mom came up to visit.
• Bucket got her ears pierced (More on that below)
• Michael and Bruise deserted us (not really) for the Father/Son Campout (Which Bucket was very saddened that she did not get to attend. She REALLY wanted to sleep in the back of the truck with her brother and Daddy.)
• I had a Stake YW Camp meeting.
• We washed the cars. I barely recognize them now.
• Mother's Day ... with the calls to grandmas and great-grandmas (Well, we did miss one. Darn time-zones!)
• I've been working out just about every day. Fear me.
• I totally pigged out Saturday on jerky, Oreos, and Doritios. So it's good that I'll be working out today. And that I still have a couple months to fit in that matron-of-honor dress.
•  ... I DID get caught up on the dishes ... and am behind again.

That's most of what all happened in the last six days.

OKAY, I promised to tell about Bucket's earrings.

Michael has always told me that *I* would be the one to take her in to have her ears pierced. He has NO desire to see her cry. BUT he was fine with doing it whenever.
(Truly, if she and Bruise had looked more alike, I'd have had it done when she was just a iddy-biddy. BUT she and her brother aren't at all identical-looking ... so I figured that I'd wait until Bucket wanted to have them done. And that happened in the last few weeks.)

The day before we went, I made sure to prepare my girl for the experience. We watched videos on YouTube of little girls getting their ears pierced. We talked about how it would feel ... and do we scream? (No.) Is it okay to cry a little? (Yes.)  Will it hurt? (It will pinch. And you have to have BOTH ears done. Not just one.) 

My mom and I took the kids over. Bruise and Mutti (my mom's nickname) played with cars out in the food court while I took Bucket in, signed all the paperwork, withstood my camera's batteries giving up the ghost before the actual piercing took place, and getting some pretty holes in my daughter's head.

Bucket chose the "purple" (fake Alexandrite/June birthstone) earrings.
She was pretty calm, holding Carl (her toy hippo) while the gal marked where the holes would be. Carl, however, was pretty nervous. So Bucket and I had to hold his hands/paws/whatever.

The first earring went in. Bucket stared for a second ... then her eyes filled with tears and she let out a little whimper. So I held her for a minute so she could find her composure ... and in went the second earring. 

If you ask her, "Were you brave?", she'll answer (and rightly so), "Yes."
"Did you cry?" "A liddle." (She was MUCH braver than I was when I had my ears pierced that first time. I bawled and hollered a bit. However, my little Bug was pretty amazing. Just tears and a whimper ... and then she was done.

It's crazy how much OLDER she looks with her ears pierced. I'd never have thought that she'd look like such a little lady due to such a small change!

But she's being really good about them. She knows that I have to clean them 3x/day (Used to be twice back in the day when *I* had mine done) ... and she won't fight too much. Unless she's tired. Then she'll whine a little. ... Until I ask her if she'd like me to take them out and let them heal up. Then she'll let me work in peace.

Mother's Day was good. The kids did wake me up around 6 AM to give me my card and a box of chocolate turtles.  (Which, when I had gotten home from my meeting the day before, Bucket was SO EXCITED about that she almost spilled the beans about! SO my daughter.)

Then Michael took them to help make breakfast and watch a video and get ready for church.
When I finally got up and was showered, I found that Michael had gotten me (and had set up) a wireless keyboard and mouse! (My old mouse gave up its click-wheel/center button ghost a couple weeks ago ... and I was using his old laser-tracker mouse, with its cord all across my desk.)

And, after he had gotten the kids ready, he did say to me, "I don't appreciate or accommodate you enough, so I buy you presents."  And I was all, "What? What are you talking about? You do tons around here!" And he told me that he doesn't know HOW I get the kids dressed and ready for church every Sunday. (I don't really know, either. It's just some miraculous habit, I guess.)
But I do like my presents.

I've been playing way too many Facebook games. (But, hey ... if you're playing Bloodlines or Castle Age or a few others ... well, you could totally add me on there. ^_^)

What else is going on? ... Um ... I vacuumed. Go me. And I did my workout today. I plan on getting more laundry washed ... and it'll get folded. Eventually. Sometime.

And I have GOT to do those danged dishes! (Again)

But for now, I'm eating leftover Spanish rice. Yay. (No, really. I like me some Spanish rice. Carbs and I are supergoodfriends. So good, that it HAS to be alloneword.)

At least my nails look nice ...

I get to deal with LYING today.

And when I say I dealt with it, what I REALLY mean to say is that I sent my children to time out while I got a shower and worked at seeing if I've gotten any closer to fitting into the dress I'll be wearing at my friend's wedding this July (Answer: Yeeeees ... I'm still not totally and completely fitting in it perfectly. BUT with the right bra ... and someone else to help me zip up the bedratted thing, I'm very close. Close enough that with the jacket on -- since the top's sleeveless and I don't do sleeveless -- it will do. Phew!!) after my mad exercising for the last couple of weeks.

AND with how much better it is starting to fit, that lets me know that if I keep up with this whole "working out" thing, I am going to make my goal. And good thing, since the alterations people over at "Expensive Dresses R Us" are too booked. Not that they really could let it out at all. So I'd better keep up at least (AT LEAST!) two more weeks of exercising 6 days a week. Which isn't bad. Since I have like, what, another two months before the wedding. And, hey, if the dress is a little loose? Not a bad thing.

However, I will let you know that trying to zip up that little bodice-thing that calls itself a top? Dude, that gave me more of an upper-body workout than the belly-dancing video I worked out to this morning (Though it was CLOSE to the workout I got from the Dancing with the Stars workout DVD that I did yesterday).

But, yeah, I've been working out rather a lot. For me, anyways. I still find it hard to walk/jog on the treadmill for longer than 20 minutes. Mostly because (1) I'm sweaty and  gross, (2) I have little children who don't help me be totally productive all the time, and (3) I'm terribly out of shape, really. But I'm getting better at it. Bit by (small) bit.

Okay, my kids are making it worthwhile to be a mom: They're running around the house wapping each other with "swords" (wrapping paper tubes -- well, one tube, cut in half, since they were fighting over it so, so, SO much a few months ago). Excellent.

Okay, excellent until, instead of beating each other about the head and shoulders, Bruise smacked me in my arm fat with a tube. Owwwww. I'll be okay.

Yesterday, Michael made good on his bargain -- If I got the kitchen cleaned enough so that he HAD a space to do so, he'd make cookies. 
Dude, I was awesome. I cleaned out the pantry, the fridge, AND did a few loads of dishes.
(Now I have a couple loads to do -- the dishes from the food I had to throw out and the dishes we used to make dinner and the cookies. And one load that's soaking and ready for the dishwasher.)

Hey, random question -- any of you ever have this happen to you? You're eating something and then your mouth starts itching and your tongue feels all wonky? Dude! It turns out that since it happens to me when I eat raw apples and almonds (and something in my salad yesterday -- maybe the raw snow peas?) that I was able to figure out that my hay fever is to tree pollen. Crazy cross-reactions.

Well, my mom's due to arrive anytime. So I'm going to close this puppy up.