Saturday, May 12, 2018

Blindsided: Follow-up

So, I found that my friend passed of a heart attack.

Last night, before Michael confirmed her cause of death, I dreamt that we were driving by some apartments (apartments that I'm not aware that she had ever lived in).

As we were driving by, I saw her coming out, just having woken up, in her pajamas, before having brushed her hair, to get the mail.

I screeched at Michael to pull over and I jumped out of the car.

I ran up to her, "I thought you were dead!!"

"What? No, I'm fine!!" She laughed.

She gave me one of her awesome hugs and we laughed and it was so nice.

... Sometimes I don't like my dreams. I'd much rather that one be true than our actual reality.

At least the one where I talked to Pop-pop, we were both fully aware that he'd passed. And he still assured me that he was fine and it was good.

Between this and no cell service while Michael and Bruise were at the Father-son campout, so I had no idea if they were okay, if they'd even made it to the campsite, etc ... I'm kinda worked up. A lot. I don't like that.

I just wish that I could turn off my emotions for a while.
And I don't think that I'm making it to my friend's funeral ... I'm going to keep my boys in sight for the rest of today, I think.

And, is there any way to petition a cell tower out that way??? Just for my peace of mind?
Especially, since every other year, we've at least been able to call each other ... depending where in the campground we have stood.

Friday, May 11, 2018


I wish this were a happy post.

But I am just trying to process ... so bear with me.

I just got the news that one of my friends, a lady who I had visit-taught, passed away.
She passed just over a week ago. Her funeral is tomorrow.

Just a couple days before her passing, she had facebooked that she was having some health issues to where her doctor ordered a CAT scan. And that she wanted to be able to go back to her home state to help out her mom (who has cancer).

Apparently, she had facebooked in the morning on the day she passed. Just news stories and such.

I am going to miss her. She would send me links that she thought I'd be interested in.

When I first met her, she was not active at church. While I knew her, she became active. She was funny and sweet. She loves animals.

She has a teenage son (stepson, technically, but he's HERS) who went to school at my kids' elementary school. Her husband recently joined the church, which made her so happy.

The thought that came to me is that maybe she's gone on ahead of her mom, to help prepare things there. She can be the one to meet her mom really soon.

But I'm going to miss her. She's a real sweetie.

I just hate missing people. I really, really don't like it.

Don't mind me. I'm going to go cry in the shower. And shave my legs. Because I need to do that.
Especially if I'm going to her funeral (It's either Michael or me. And I should be prepared. ... We'd both like to be there, but there's Bruise and Bubbles's soccer games...).

Monday, March 05, 2018

yiggety yo ... it's been a while ...

So, I just haven't had a lot to say that I haven't said on Facebook.

But today, spilling over from yesterday ... there's some.

I just am feeling like a kinda crap mother.

Saturday was okay. Bubbles turned 6. We had a party for family, then went out for dinner (Still not wildly impressed with Red Robin. But I got my Poppin' Purple Lemonade, so it wasn't too bad. Michael's burger was still cold, though. Drat.) ...  The day before, she got to have a couple friends join her at the local bounce-house-place. I learned that the moms of Bubbles's friends know each other ... so all the kids AND all the moms are friends. That was a sweet deal. And we took little cupcakes (and cookies for the lactose-intolerant kids) to her classroom.

But ... Sunday was tougher.
We had discussed reverence last week for Family Home Evening. And Bruise agreed to NOT do sudoku during Sacrament Meeting (like ... Communion? But it's what LDS people call it). Bucket has started drawing stuff from Five Nights at Freddy's ... which I asked her to refrain from. Since we're, y'know, supposed to be thinking about JESUS. And I have put my foot down that they WILL put away their stuff and SING during the songs (all 3-4 of them).

Bubbles is doing her thing, looking over the back of our pew and distracting the people behind us. Michael's dealing with that.

At one point, I look over ... Bucket is on the FLOOR, buns pointed to the person bearing his/her testimony, with her head under the pew.

"Hey ... hey!" I hiss at her. "You need to be SITTING now. On the PEW." ... Basic stuff, right?

"FINE!!" She snarls back. "Then I WON'T look for my pen!"

And ... guys, I just ... I just couldn't handle being there, on the same pew.
I whispered to Michael that I was going to take a walk ... and I left the chapel, stepped outside, walked around the building to where I could walk in without running into too many people, did my best not to cry ... I found that the Relief Society (women's group) room was empty. So I popped in there, turned on the speaker, and listened to the other testimonies being borne. And I still worked at not crying. Because I looked nice. And crying would make me all puffy and red-faced and my mascara would run and I'd have tear-tracks through my foundation.

I managed. Then I had to find Michael (and my bag, which he had taken). and I helped a friend find pictures for her lesson (I have served as an assistant Ward [congregation] librarian before. Mostly, it's all about finding pictures, making copies, and ensuring that there's chalk, erasers, crayons, and TVs). I also ran into another friend to ask a favor (and she agreed. Awesome girl).
Then I hung with Michael and helped him get set up for teaching the YM during the third hour.
Then we went in late to Sunday School.

And we went home after, to drop the girls off. They made mac and cheese, but not enough ... so when Michael, Bruise, and I got back from dropping off an invite to one of Bruise's classmates, there wasn't lunch for me. And I was not happy.

I finished typing up the Relief Society newsletter and sent it out. Only one mistake ... and no one has called me on it yet (I didn't change the subject line from "test email - [date]" ... but that's better than last week when I left in the "forwarded message" gobbledygook at the top of the email  --- since I send myself a "test email" then send it to the rest of the Relief Society. Maybe next week, I'll remember BOTH bits?)

Then I made myself mac and cheese and went to bed. I read a little, then SLEPT HARD. I remember waking up when Michael came in to take a nap. I vaguely remember Bucket coming in and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I vaguely recall Michael instructing the kids to take out the trash.

I did have a crazy dream. We were in a different (not nicer, just different) house. And Michael was making a meal. And, when he handed it to me, my mug was filled with, like 1/4 full of noodles ... and the broth was filled with a clean, unwrapped pantyliner, wrappers from bandaids ... I was kinda ticked. It's a good thing that I realized it was a dream ... or else, when he came to bring me IRL dinner (which was NOT topped with garbage), I'd have been all, "Michael, WHAT the HELL?!?" and he'd have been confused.

I want to be a good mom. But I just don't feel like I'm ... making it.
The house is cleaner (still) than it's been in a long time. I do a daily morning devotional with the kids before they go to school. They're alive. They're fed. They have clothes, shoes, blankets ... but I just feel like I'm barely managing to tread water with Bucket.

I try to do things, spend time with her ... and then stuff like this happens.
At least Bruise and Bubbles are sweet to me, even when they're mad.

What am I doing wrong?  I mean, I must be doing something wrong.
It's not like I haven't read, like, a BAZILLION books about parenting crap ... but I'm just not getting it.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

CrazyDreamChronicles™ ... a THEATRE production ... with MUTANTS!

So, last night, I dreamed that I was going to a middle-school production (since Bucket was recently in a school production of Annie, Jr.) ... and Bucket's choir teacher (who also is in charge of the drama department at her middle school), told me that she needed me to take over the role of Lily St. Regis.

Thankfully, since my dream-self is about 150 lbs lighter than my real-life self, I was about the same weight I was 6th-12th grade. ... Therefore, I could fit in a costume. And it was a 70s-era dress ... but, thinking about how fashion is cyclical, so MAYBE there were some 1930s style elements in it. And the dress kept evolving ... so at one part, I'm all, "HEY!! WHERE ARE THE SLEEVES?? THESE ARE SPAGHETTI STRAPS! ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION??" ... And, at another point, I look down and recognize the material of the dress as a floral scarf that I had bought at a resale store ...

Now, Bucket's friend (who REALLY played Lily in our local production) was MAD at me for taking her role ... but, hey, her teacher DEMANDED that I play it.

And I had a small excerpt of the script that I was furiously cramming. And it was NOTHING like the REAL script. Like there were aliens and flying and ...

Segue into another part of a dream, there were a LOT of us. And we were mutants (like X-Men-type mutants, not just genetic travesties). And there was another girl and we were like best friends and we all had to surround the White House, but it was VERY different, like Frank Lloyd Wright design with LOTS of big windows. And I'm pointing out to people, to try and help keep us all calm as we were preparing for a battle, (even though I've NEVER been to DC. Seriously, the farthest east I've been was a short trip to Mississippi, where we briefly went to Alabama and Louisiana) ... So I'm being a long-distance tour guide -- "That third floor? That's their work out area. See the treadmills? ... And the second floor, that's the meeting room. The bottom floor there? That's the lobby and cafeteria."

Yeah, I don't get it, either.

It was rather stressful and not very restive.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Crazy Dream Chronicles Strikes (Yet Again)

So, since I didn't post FIRST THING upon getting up, I only have snatches of last night's dream ...

  • It was at a school.
  • I was a janitor? Whatever, I was there with Michael after hours.
  • There was a display case.
  • In the display case (which was easily opened, ... this is pertinent a couple bullet points down)
  • Part of the display is a tall, thin, skinny-oval egg. It's tan and speckled with darker brown, white, and black spots.
  • The egg begins to crack/hatch.
  • A little animal (about seven inches [or thereabouts] long squirms out.
  • I pick it up.
  • It's a beaver ... a very cute and tiny and well-behaved beaver.
  • I don't know what to do with it
  • I start to browse the internet [with incognito tabs, since I don't have a license for owning a beaver and I don't want to get in trouble, but it doesn't have a mom and I can't bear for it to starve, since it's a newly-hatched BABY ... and, YES, irl, I KNOW that beavers are MAMMALS and do NOT hatch from eggs] for BEAVER MILK, since I know that there's cat-milk for abandoned kittens, so NATURALLY there'd be BEVER MILK, OF COURSE.

    (There's a reason I call these "crazy dream chronicles" ... My subconscious is a very strange place.)
  • I'm working my darndest to sell Michael on the idea of having a baby beaver.
  • He's not really buying it, but agrees that we can foster it while we call a wildlife refuge to take decent care of it.

  • But, I think that when we called, they couldn't take it for some amount of time, so I NEEDED to foster this critter.
And that was the main gist of my dream.


Tuesday, June 06, 2017

#52 Lists - List 2 - List Routines in Your Personal Life and at Work

Right now, I'm kinda horrible at routines.

Lets' see ... here's a typical day:

  • Wake up to Michael's alarm. Fall back to sleep immediately. I'm sure he said a prayer and kissed me goodbye. I usually don't remember. #badwife
  • Wake up slightly before my alarm(s). Check Facebook. Maybe remember to say a prayer. Maybe (on a REALLY GOOD DAY) get a shower early.
  • Bruise is usually awake. Bucket and Bubbles are usually good about getting themselves up, too.
  • Depending on the day, I might, after throwing on some clothes, take Bucket and/or Bruise to a club/class before school (Strings lessons twice a week, Girls on the Run twice a week, Musical Theater [technically twice a week, but conflicts with Strings ...], Track Club [if offered], ...). Otherwise the kids put together their lunches and catch the school bus.
    I try to have the older kids empty the dishwasher and dryer before they leave.
  • Depending on the day, sometimes Bucket has activities [MusicMakers was Tuesday mornings. Library storytime is Wednesdays] ... sometimes I have Visiting Teaching.
    I nearly always get a shower before heading out. Standards, people, I have them.
  • Come back from errands (or take a break from procrastinating). Eat lunch.
  • Sometime during the day, I read to/with Bubbles.
    I also read myself. If I'm really lucky, I get a nap.
  • Kids get home. Unload dishwasher (if it's been run), more laundry. Bruise makes sure to keep up his streak in Duolingo. They relax from school. Maybe go out and play. I figure out something for dinner.
  • Michael gets home. We eat. We chill.
  • Read scriptures and pray together as a family. Kids get ready for bed and go to bed around 8pm.
  • Michael and I chill: chat, watch something (Netflix or the DVD from Netflix or a DVD from the library or something that we own). Sometimes we decide to play a board game or something instead. We head to bed around 10pm
  • Since Michael wakes up earlier, he falls asleep sooner. If I can't sleep, I play on my phone until I'm tired ... then I sleep.
What do I like? 
  • Spending time with Michael, for sure.
  • Chilling with the kids
  • Reading and praying as a family. If the schedule allows, not only do we do scriptures and prayer together, but I also read aloud to the kids. It allows me to share books I love with them.
    (The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, Wonder, the Blossom Culp/Alexander Armsworth stories by Richard Peck, ... there are others, of course. But those are the bigger ones.)
What do I want to change?
  • I think I need to start doing FLYlady again ... get more of a schedule for cleaning/housework.
  • When the kids are all in school, I'm going to try to start volunteering at the library. I haven't volunteered at our local library ... but I'd love to get my shelving zen on again.
  • I need to start planning meals. It'll make evenings (and days) a lot more organized.
  • I also want to schedule individual time with each of my kids ... right now, between school making life a little zany, allergies kicking my trash so that I'm exhausted, the house being a sty ... well, it's not so easy to prioritize everything/everyone as they should be.
  • I need to schedule prayer and scripture study for myself ... I know it'll be easier when the kids are all in school ... and when I have a housekeeping schedule in action (Think about it: Get up, get kids to school, throw dinner in the slow cooker, make a cup/pot of (herbal/Rooibos) tea, sit down at a (CLEAN!) table and read and ponder ... then go to the bedroom and have a prayer. After that, tidy up the house, run a vacuum, do a load of laundry and dishes, fold laundry while catching up on my Netflix queue ... run any errands/volunteering/Visiting Teaching ... read uninterrupted (or do a craft ... I do those sometimes!) ... kids get home, help with any homework/spend individual time, meet Bubbles at the bus, get her settled (maybe even a nap for her!), get dinner set out, clean up, scriptures/prayer/story-story ... time with Michael. Sounds pretty sweet, eh?
    Okay, maybe not exactly your cup of (herbal/Rooibos) tea ... but I'm comfortable knowing that I'm kinda boring.
    And I forgot to add going to PTC/PTO meetings and running the kids to soccer, ballet, Activity Days, Scouts, etc ... but you get what I mean.
I like being spontaneous ... but it would help to have a better-implemented schedule in place from which to veer, if you get what I mean?

Someday ... Someday.

Crazy Dream Chronicles: Celebrity Cameos

I'm not remembering much of my dreams ... but what I do recall? Wowza.

A couple nights ago, I remember, in my dream, being at a table. A light colored, round-ish table.
One of my (VERY, VERY EXTENDED) cousins, C, was there.
Pulling up a chair and swinging into it, next to her, was Chris Hemsworth.
They were obviously friends. They joked and bantered ... he playfully pretended to give a chomp to her neck.
Wacky fun.

(And also, NICE! Good for C, getting to be friends with CHRIS HEMSWORTH!! Even if it's just in my dream.)

Last night, I remember that, in my dream, Michael and I ... and other people ... were walking through a house? A house museum?

Regardless, in the dream, there was a narrow flight of stairs. Not TOO narrow.
But I bumped my purse (something that happens VERY often, irl, since I try to be prepared for nearly anything ... which necessitates carrying around THE PURSE OF DOOM™) ... where was I?
That's right ... I bumped my purse into JOSH GROBAN.

And then, classy dame that I am, I started doing the impression of Josh Groban from Kid Snippets.

However, Josh Groban was CHARMED and DELIGHTED and asked me to do it again. And he walked me down the stairs on his arm. Very nice boy, he is.

And, NO, my Kid Snippets Josh Groban impression is not really that good at all.
Just being honest.

.... Now, WHY are these folks showing up in my dreams?
I suppose because Cousin C has Disney Princess hair ... so it makes sense to pair her with the Marvel Superhero (since they're now owned by Disney) with godlike hair.

And Josh Groban has been showing up a lot on my Facebook feed advertisements...

But, no, it doesn't really make all that much sense. Not a lick of sense, really.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Review - Daisy VoxBox from Influenster

** DISCLAIMER: I received a box of free samples to review from Influenster. The products were all complimentary. The opinions are honest and sincere, since you cannot buy my integrity.**

Okay, with that disclaimer out of the way, let's get on to reviewing swag!

Open Sesame!
The lineup
You can't tell the players without a program!


Always Infinity Pads 
These are my go-to brand ... and I was thrilled to get a sample (Because I had used the emergency pad in my purse when I was having a coughing fit for non-menstrual-but-anyone-who's-given-birth-would-understand-reasons ... do I have to spell it out? [I typed that first as "do I have to SPILL it out. Freudian Slip?]).
They sent me pads for a heavy flow ... it's like they know me.
ALSO, part of the box was a coupon. That's handy.
It's a little hard to review a product that I already have used (I don't always got for the Infinity ones) ... But, suffice it to say that I dig these. They work. That's important. Since I hate doing more laundry than I have to.

Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt
 There's a coupon for yogurt. It reminds me a bit of the old Target:Women video by Sarah Haskins:  
At the same time, I do really like yogurt. I like eating yogurt, drinking yogurt, eating yogurt-covered dried fruits ... I'm a yogurt-lovin' fool.
But, yes, the yogurt was good. Tasty. A bit thinner than I'm used to eating lately, since my heart belongs to Greek-style yogurt (or Noosa ... that's good stuff). But hey, a free yogurt! What's not to like, right? (Unless it's a free GREEK-STYLE YOGURT!)

Nature's Bounty Probiotic Gummies
These also came with a coupon.
Given my druthers, I prefer all vitamins/medicines possible to be in gummy form.
These are tasty ... I don't know, though, if they've improved my gut flora. (TMI, I'm sure: I've been crazy flatulent and have loose stools. Maybe these are TOO EFFECTIVE? Maybe one shouldn't be taking gummies for vitamins AND fiber along with these? Maybe I should eat more whole foods? Maybe I should get an enema? [I hope not])
Regardless, these are tasty enough. They're really firm gummies. (The Up and Up brand of Melatonin gummies are MUCH softer. But I know that optimal-gummies-texture is a very personal thing.)

SkinnyPop Sea Salt Microwave Popcorn
It's a pretty nifty idea to advertise microwave popcorn that pops into a box for eating (so you don't get the popcorn oil/salt all over your knuckles and the back of your hand while double-fisting handfuls of popcorn. ... What? You're telling me that's NOT how you eat popcorn, too?
It's cool that they use only three ingredients. I'd be happier if they used something that wasn't Palm Oil (THINK OF THE ORANGUTANS!)  ... maybe coconut oil? 
Setting up the box was pretty easy. And I liked the "pop quizzes" (There were two.)
That's SO fetch!!

Popping the popcorn was pretty simple ... if you've made microwave popcorn that even I can't manage to scorch, that's a pretty big accomplishment.
This is after sharing with my daughter ... it WAS full to the top!
Eating it:  It's definitely not too salty. But, since I'm used to the regular, fatty microwave popcorn, I'm missing that fake-butter flavor. I can't tell if it's the palm oil that tastes so different or if I'm just expecting that movie-popcorn-butter flavoring. Regardless, my mouth felt a little waxy after each mouthful. But my lips weren't covered in that salty, fake-butter film ... so ... okay.
I shared some with my youngest daughter (after I took the other kids to school). She liked it, but agreed that she likes "butter popcorn" more.  (Score one for Paula Dean!)
I think that I'd try this  popcorn again ... maybe check out another flavor (Looking online, there IS a butter-flavored option -- There are three additional ingredients, but they're all pronounceable, so that's cool. I might pick some up to try). The packaging, though is pretty awesome. And I like that I didn't burn the popcorn at all. 
Of course, since I had to go to their website, now I'm wanting to try some of the other flavors available in their bagged popcorn (You had me at "Dusted Dark Chocolate").
Though, the more that I got through the box of popcorn, the more I thought about it as an idea for my kids' lunches ... None of the popcorn was very oily, so it'd pack really well. Maybe I am getting sold on this, after all. (That's the danger of free samples, you know.) 

Live Clean Coconut Milk Shampoo and Conditioner
 These smell AMAZING. I'm a sucker for coconut-scented things. When I was in high school, especially during the winters, I'd throw caution to the wind and use Suave shampoo and conditioner most days, just so that my hair would smell like summertime. So, using this is a throwback to my high-school genius. ... Though these smell more like a sweet coconut, as opposed to the fake, suntan-lotion coconut smell. Still, if my hair were longer, I'd be pulling it to my nose to sniff all day.
When I used the shampoo, I noticed that it didn't lather up as much as my usual Biologe. I checked the back of the bottle, sure enough, it's because it doesn't have sodium lauryl sulfates (SLS), which is supposed to be much better for one's hair. I liked how clean my hair felt afterwards. I might have to try this on my older daughter's hair. I definitely did need a conditioner afterwards.
The conditioner (among other things) is silicon-free ... which should be really nice on my baby-fine hair.  Once I ran it through my strands, I was a little worried that I used too much ... Nah, I'm good. I combed through my hair with my wide-toothed comb and ... my hair felt pretty amazing.
 After using the paper mask (reviewed last), I took my hair out of its microfiber wrap and combed it out again. I even pulled out my hair dryer and helped speed along the drying process (which I barely ever do. 95% of the time, my hair dryer is used to help dry my make-up setting spray. No lie.) ... I don't have the patience to dry my hair fully, so I just usually let it air-dry (99% because I'm lazy).
Yes, I put on some makeup: moisturizer, concealer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, and clear eyebrow gel.
 But, seriously, my hair is SUPERSOFT. And I usually pride myself on my soft hairz ... but my hair is REALLY soft right now. And it still smells amazing. I didn't notice as many bits of my hair being as flyaway as normal, either. ... This necessitates further study. Thank goodness there are full-bottle-samples of shampoo and conditioner, not just the little travel-size pouches. Because I need to see if this is an every-time result. FOR SCIENCE. 

Say Yes to Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal Paper Mask

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" ... And I hope that this doesn't offend anyone. This is not supposed to be blackface.

I think that paper masks are great ... mostly because they look creepy as all-get-out.  (You can tell the few times that I've used one in the past because I post it to Facebook and make jokes about "it rubs the lotion in its skin." Because I'm a classy woman like that.)
I've used some of the Say Yes to products before. And I've liked them mostly (I was SUPERBUMMED when the tube of Say Yes to Tomatoes Charcoal Warming Mask that I had bought broke before I even got halfway through it [I'm a superfan of those warming masks, THANKS BIORE, YOU ENABLER. I've been spoiled since high school, thanks to your self-heating mask! Such innovation! No, that's NOT sarcasm, that's SINCERITY.]).  ... ...  So I was looking forward to using this mask. Especially since it warned about giving a "tingly" sensation. ON YOUR FACE!
 I don't know that it's terribly tingly ... it's a little more intense than a bubble mask, though, when a breeze blows through, I'm more aware of it. I noticed it most under my nose (since I was constantly breathing on it), later I noticed it on my cheeks.
I find that with how the paper mask is cut, it's made for someone with a longer and slightly narrower face than mine ... and with a smaller, wider nose. Also, this is the first time that I had a paper mask that I COULD cover my eyes with. Right now, I'm typing with the eye-flaps folded down like panting-dog-tongues below my eyes. It's a little weird for my peripheral vision. 
Do I creep you out?
It smells nice. But, in my limited experience, everything by the Say Yes to line has smelled really pleasant. Whenever I'd adjust it, my fingers (besides smelling really nice) would be very silky soft from the essence/serum/whatever-its-called-I'm-not-a-professional-beauty-blogger-I'm-not-paid-to-know-this-I-just-got-a-free-product-to-review. 

Here I am, post-mask ... All glowy with essence-y-stuff
So, after the mask, I ... for lack of knowing what else to do, rubbed the rest of the essence/liquid-stuff into my skin. My face felt super-smooth (and smelled amazeballs). There's the picture of me ... right above this paragraph. I look pretty darn glow-y and dewy and all. Between washing my face prior to the mask (Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleaner and St. Ives Apricot Scrub) and using the mask, the pores on my face are looking pretty darn nice! 

And so concludes my off-the-cuff reviews of these products. I might have to buy the shampoo and conditioner. I'll give the paper mask another try (maybe while eating microwave popcorn with my older daughter). I'm not totally sold on the probiotic gummies or the yogurt. And I already use the Always brand pretty often.

***Just in case you didn't catch it above, these products were provided for free to review. I am giving my honest opinion. I got to keep the products listed above. You can sign up, too, if you want. These were provided by in the Daisy VoxBox. Legal, legal, legal, blah, blah, disclaimer, blah, blah.***

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