Sunday, June 30, 2013

Stuff I forgot to post because it was late ...

Some more things from the signing yesterday ...

An audience member asked Neil Gaiman why he started raising bees.

Neil stated that everyone should have a hobby that has the potential to kill you.
That and, his more sincere answer, was because he was reading about colony collapse back in 2006 (I think) and he wanted to do something to make the world a better place.

Another question addressed the fact that many of his books' dedications thank people that have allowed him to stay in their houses to write. Does he prefer to write away from home?

Neil Gaiman does like to follow a bit of Ian Fleming's advice (Ian Fleming = author and creator of James Bond ... and he, incidentally, hated the writing process). Fleming's advice was that one should hole up in the worst hotel in a place that you wouldn't want to go out to enjoy for three weeks. Because there'd be nothing else to do, you'd have no choice to work on your novel. So you should go somewhere like Poughkeepsie (And here, Neil confessed, "I like Poughkeepsie.") and crank out that novel.

Neil said that he prefers to be a little bit uncomfortable ... and that he has the fortune to have many friends with more houses than bodies in their family. And that he is talented at asking, "Hey, can I stay at one of your houses for a bit?"

In fact, for his US-version of Neverwhere, he holed himself up into a room at the Marriott in the World Trade Center ... the room didn't even have a window. He's never finished anything so quickly ... because he just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

And, another book he wrote be accident was Coraline. He intended it as a short story for his elder daughter. ... He finished it ten years later.

Another question was about how he decided which stories/ideas to write about and which to save for later ...
He responded that he chooses, first, to write what people would want -- because it makes them happy and gets him paid.
And, if there are a lot of things coming up, he tends to decide to write what NOBODY'S asked for. Since it feels unfair to work on ONE thing which would make someone mad that he wasn't working on THEIR thing. And he couldn't work on the other thing, because the FIRST person would get upset ... so he works on his own thing so that EVERYONE can be upset and it's all fair.

He's also had issues with Wikipedia. He hasn't really checked his page since about 2003, when it was full or errors and downright lies. He wrote to the people in charge of the site with corrections. They asked him how he knew these things. "Well, I'm the person they happened to."
"That isn't an authority. We need a written source."
So, he mostly gave up ... however, he's noticed that if he writes a blog post addressing any issues brought to his attention, because it's WRITTEN, that gives him authority ... in regards to his own life.

He also made some great little jokes about how nobody knew that Portland had days like that day ... The weather was sunny and in the nineties. (Usually, people think of Portland like how Meryer's Forks, Washington is written. :P He didn't SAY that, but we all know it.)
But he was VERY concerned with how we were all cooking in there ... which is very sweet of him to be so concerned.

Like I said, he was so very personable and so very nice.

And, when he reads, he does all sorts of voices ... and when he's NOT reading dialogue, his accent is lovely, regardless.
And he knows how to laugh at himself, which is quite sweet, too.

Yes, I am aware that I'm a fangirl. Shush. It's not like I didn't know this previously.

Saturday, June 29, 2013


So, after how not-good yesterday was, today more than made up for things.

The kids and I hit the Old Navy $1 Flip-Flop sale ... with a 10% off coupon.
Yeah, I love it when I save about twice as much as I spend. That's really nice.

Then we dropped the kids off with Mom and Dad C and Michael and I headed up to the big city for my birthday present (Remember how he surprised me with tickets to Neil Gaiman's book signing? Yup!).

Since we got up there early (as planned) and finally found a good parking spot (for a good price, too!), we went to the Chinese Garden. It was our first time there without kids ... and, well, it's a lot nicer without a tandem stroller and impatient kids. ^_^

We moseyed our way around ... watched the koi, smelled the flowers (well, I did. Michael tried NOT to smell the flowers or be bothered by the pollen. :P), watched a Gray Heron swoop in and land on the top of one of the small bridges' roof (and, apparently, gargle for a quarter hour or so), and even went to the tea house ... for NOT tea.
Michael had the mango nectar. I branched out and tried the Sweet Winter Melon juice ... which is very different, but not at all unpleasant -- it's rather like a non-carbonated root beer with strong caramel flavor, but as thin as water (so not like a syrup, though it TASTES like it SHOULD be a syrup).
And, on the receipt, I was tickled that it was poetically called "GOURD JUICE."
And we ate Mao Do (edamame ... but with spices on the outside of the pods) and Bao stuffed with spinach.

And, well, it's a good thing that we ate then, since (after a quick side trip to Powell's bookstore) we were waiting in line outside the Crystal Ballroom for over an hour. And it was nearly another hour before things started.
A musician took the stage for three songs (my favorite was the accordion-accompanied letter to a giraffe-rancher about how the musician REALLY wants a giraffe. ... DUDE, did YOU have any idea that there's a GIRAFFE RANCH in eastern Washington?!?? But they don't do tours, apparently. That was a let down.) and then a gal spoke about Neil Gaiman's influence on her life and her career (drawing and writing).

THEN NEIL GAIMAN TOOK THE STAGE. Well, the dais, really ... but STILL!!

And his accent is even better in real life. And he was just as wonderful, funny, and brilliant as he is on the internet.

He told of how his latest book, The Ocean at the End of the Lane, was a bit of an accident. It was supposed to be a short story he wrote to his wife as she was across the world recording her album.
(Also she doesn't like fantasy ... which is what he writes. "But she likes me.")
It turned from a short story into a novelette ... then a short novella ... then a LONG novella ... then, when it was finished, he checked the word count and emailed his publisher that, sorry, it's not a novella, "I wrote a book by accident."

He also told of the real-life bits about the story (how, when he was seven, his family's Mini was stolen by a man who accidentally gambled his AND his friends' savings away at the pub ... then the gambler stole the Mini and crashed it to commit suicide ... And how the farm at the end of the road had been there since William the Conquerer came. And how he (Gaiman), as a child, figured that the brick farmhouse had ALWAYS been there and that the family living there had always had the farm.)

He answered questions from the audience:
  • Q: "Who has the weirder fans? You or Clive Barker?"
    A: Clive ... to the power of a million.
    Gaiman's fans are NICE. Even when they scare little old ladies owning a bookshop in Dayton, OH (The ladies running the shop had NEVER seen such hair colors or piercings), they prove how nice they are (By the end of the day, the ladies were exclaiming what NICE people they were, how they'd never had such wonderful customers).
    Gaiman's fans have never sliced open their arms and demanded that the author sign the book with their blood.
    Gifts for Neil Gaiman are harmless ... like a giant stuffed My Little Pony done up as Death (from Sandman). Barker, instead, gets a carved wooden staff with SEVEN cats' heads impaled on it.
    Neil Gaiman loves his fans.
  • Q: "In one to three words, describe your writing process."
    A: "Glare. Drink tea."
There were a couple other questions, including a sweet request from a fan for a kiss. (He complied with a peck on the cheek. She was thrilled. It was ADORABLE.

He read to us ... the third chapter of his book.
After questions, he allowed us to vote if we'd rather get to the signing right away, since it was SWELTERING, or if we'd want to hear from a not-yet-published book.

I'm sure you didn't have to guess that OF COURSE we wanted to hear more.

And he has a children's book coming out in September. And, from the excerpt, it will be AMAZING.
And, as Michael said to me, if/when they make it into a movie, Martin Freeman should be the lead.

We waited for about another hour to be put into line to have our books signed.
Michael's copy of "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" is made out to The [C] Family. And Neil Gaiman also signed out copy of "The Graveyard Book". And Michael called him "sir."
Neil Gaiman signed my copy of "Instructions"  and, in my copy of "The Ocean," inscribed my name and a heart.
I corrected him on my name's pronunciation. He thanked me for coming. I thanked him for doing this. He told me that he felt guilty, since it was so hot and we'd had to wait so much. I assured him that it was worth it.

I also have, among others, a picture of Neil Gaiman and I grinning at each other.

Yeah, this is a birthday present that's seriously hard to beat.

And, really, Neil Gaiman was SO charming and SO nice. The gal in line in front of us had him sign and inscribe a book for her friend. When he learned that she had one book for herself (which had just his signature), he made sure that he inscribed HER name on that one, too.
Such a nice, nice man.

So, yeah ... my husband made this possible by buying our tickets as soon as the site went live. There were 1,000 tickets ... and they were sold out THAT MORNING.

Yup, Michael is THAT AWESOME.
He made a really awesome day possible. Because he's amazing.

And, after all that, we went and grabbed some dinner, got the kids, and came home.
So that we can get ready for church tomorrow.

(Even though ... I am rather sorely tempted to read the rest of "The Ocean" ... the third chapter IS just so good, you see.)

Friday, June 28, 2013


So ... just tell me

... am I a ... um ... what's a gentler word for f*ck-up?

I mean, I know I'm a bit of a hot mess right now.
Kind of hard to deny that when you're sobbing as you paint your toenails, and berate yourself with an inner monolog of, "Just paint your toenails. Just do it. You've kvetched about it enough on your blog. Might as well do SOMETHING with your life. And try not to screw THIS up, m'kay?"

Yeah ... how much of this is menstrual-related and how much of it is just my own crazy ... I don't know.

But ... yeah. There it is.
Tons of fun ... NOT.

At least Michael was a rock star (when he's telling me to stop trying to fix everyone's problems and to stop feeling guilty when I CAN'T fix everyone's [or, apparently, anyone's] problems) and set up a bath for me, complete with a bottle of bubbly (in our case, that's sparkling cider, not champers ... Yeah, I've been reading a little too much over at Forever Young Adult, huh?) ... which I was able to prise open using manicure tools, since I don't keep a bottle opener in the bathroom. Yup. Didn't even mess up my nails. woot.

Still ... I feel like a jerk.
When I finally let a friend know how I feel ... and I tried to do it all in a tough-love-but-emphasis-on-love-because-I-wouldn't-care-if-I-didn't-love-you-so way ... and, well, there are some underlying problems on that friend's side. ... And I'm trying not to be hurt that this friend was keeping that from me. I'd have been more understanding and ABLE to do some stuff IF I'd known about this underlying issue.

So ... yeah. We'll see if things are able to blow over or if I've screwed this over too much.

So, yeah ... so I FEEL like a complete and total screw-up/mess/jerk.

Is that any better than feeling like your friend is constantly blowing you off? Or that the friend is flaky or irresponsible?

I ... I just don't know.

Can I just go back to Disneyland now?
Or to sleep?
Just maybe?

Brace yourselves ...

No, it's not that winter is coming.
(Not with the crazy humidity that's been going on)

No, it's because Shark Week, iykwim (aityd), is upon us.

And, well, I kind of had my mental well-being, well, crash on me.
About as much as I ever do ... I'm a pretty chipper person, overall.
So, when I feel down or frustrated, I turn into Chicken Little -- running about (no, not in real life) and freaking out that maybe I'm depressed and nothing's right and I'm a mess and I suck at friendships and people are going to hate me, etc., etc., etc.

I should paint my toenails. That usually helps me.
Except that I don't have the color that I'd like to use ... I want a multichromal rainbow-type polish on my toes. So that it's all silvery, but when the light hits it -- POW!! -- RAINBOW, y'all!

Yeah, my life is hard.

The new dishwasher is still amazing. I heart it. And it's easier for the kids to remember to help load/unload.
If I can just get Bubbles to stop trying to climb on the door, when it's open. Grr.

Bubbles had her 15-month appointment. She's still tiny, but staying on her own curve, growth-wise. So the doctor isn't worried.
She also has a viral ear infection, which explains the PLETHORA of snot ... But she wasn't ill enough to forego the immunizations. She didn't care for them. Oh well.
Heck, she wasn't wild about the whole check-up. Hates being put on her back and being touched/held in place if it's not HER idea (don't get me wrong, Girl LOVES herself a snuggle or a ticklefest ... but, apparently having her temperature taken --under the arm, mind you -- WORST THING EVER. ... Well, besides her shots).

Though, since that was last week, she might be over it. I hope she's over it. She's a lot less grumpy and snotty. I prefer it when she's not my snotter-daughter. And it's easier on all of us when she's not grumpy.

Michael, his dad, his brother (C), and the neighbor kid cut down the one tree in the backyard. We (and we "we," I mean Michael)'ll be taking the wood to a gal in the ward. And they ran a wood chipper so that there's a shload LESS of old branches in our yard. ... Now, do I try and make our yard look nice NOW? Or do we figure on getting a different manufactured home (with MORE than two bedrooms) to put on our lot? (I wish that this was a NEAR future thing ... except for the having to pack up everything bit.)

Bruise and Bucket had basketball this week (Three hours, total, that is). They enjoyed it.
Yesterday, playing Sharks and Minnows, Bucket really surprised their coaches by how fast she is.
Coach Riley: Wow!! (And this gal is a leggy gal in good shape ... and Bucket was able to catch up to her and tag her out.)
Coach Amy: Yeah! I was running and I noticed that there was someone running next to me. (To Riley) I thought it was you! Ha!

Bruise wishes that I'd gotten a video or picture of one of his first throws on Tuesday ... He had shot a basket. Then he looked about for his ball. BONK! It bounced off his head. BONK! ... I almost yelled (from the stand where I was sitting with Bubbles) to him that it's BASKETBALL, not soccer!!

I'm glad that today is Friday. I got to sleep in and I don't HAVE to get anywhere at a certain time (well, until this evening) ... which means that I don't have to sit in the stands and try not to cry (Thanks, Mother Nature. I hate you.) today.
It also means that Michael will come home so much earlier. I like that.
I especially like it during the school year, since then he and I (and Bubbles) go out for a date.

But, yeah, you're probably wondering what I'm upset about.

The gist is this: I've tried to help a friend. And I feel blown off. Repeatedly.
And, worse yet, this last time, there's more than just me burned.
And I hate that I put OTHERS into that position.
I can handle being out my own money and possessions ... but setting up something where others can get burned ... when I'm a hostess for this?

A real hostess protects her guests. I'm not freaking Lady Macbeth.
Which, really, is how I'm feeling ... and we all know how THAT ended up
(If not, go check the Wiki ... although, unlike Lady M, I am not consumed with ambition. I just wanted to help out a friend. And ... well, I just need to take a step back.)

I have another friend who's in the midst of medical issues. And she's doing a bit better. She's so sweet ... and independent -- that she hates the idea of putting anyone out. Which makes it a little hard to know how to help her. But she's a sweetie. And she makes me laugh. And I make her laugh (which makes me feel useful).

We have a dinner to attend Sunday. I'm bringing a dessert ... I figure that I'll try something new that sounds yummy. I'll let you know how it goes, eh?

And I've been getting a slew of scammers/telemarketers this week.

With one (scammer), when I called her out on it, she's all "Oh, really?!? You think you're SO SMART! But there are HACKERS out there because of PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!"
(Next time someone accuses me of thinking that I'm "SO SMART" when I know I'm right? I'm gonna be all, "Yeah, baby. I AM that smart. How's about you go think about your life, m'kay? All I know is that I'm able to sleep at night with a clear conscience. Because, face it, lamby cakes, I don't have to use etiquette when I'm dealing with a criminal.")

Another guy (different company) kept talking over me as I refused and refused his spiel.
Finally, I just stated -- in a voice as serious as a heart attack, "If you make me wake my baby, I will track. you. down. and. kill. you."
Yeah ... he didn't talk after that.
Smart man, don't you think?
Be even smarter if he chose a better career, no?

This last dude (from the first scammer company) was treated to my white-girl-gangsta-rappin' skillz when I rolled off the first half of Macklemore's "Thrift Shop," with copious amounts of editing (Hey, I work at not cursing. And I had munchkins in the house, to boot).

He did compliment my singing (and I really should have said, "DON'T patronize me.") ... but he hung up after about a minute of me (and Bruise and Bucket) doing randomly-spaced ambulance noises.
(If you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about, watch Night at the Roxbury. Or look up "Night at the Roxbury, ambulance" on YouTube. You'll TOTALLY understand it ... but, yeah, probably won't understand why. ... I'm mysterious like that. ... "Mysterious" in the sense of "batcrap crazy," that is.)

But, yeah ... until we break down and get Caller ID, I figure that I should brush up on "Ice, Ice Baby," "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," some Beastie Boys, and -- the big guns -- "MacArthur Park," baby. Which is NOT rap. At all.

Maybe I should learn some LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG, hella long, Italian arias.
Because, hey, if I'm going to try and waste their time and see how long they'll stay on the line, I might as well get an impromptu karaoke party out of it on my side, right?

Maybe I should find where to get an accordion ... then I can serenade them with the complete works of Weird Al. Especially featuring "You're Pitiful." (Which never was released on a record since Blunt's recording company is STUPID ... but, hey, it led to the great success of "White and Nerdy." Which I should totes perfect for these scammers. If nothing else, they'll learn some good music, right?)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

About Bruise ...

I notice that it's easier for me to remember funny things that Bucket says ... and I felt the need to highlight our son's sense of humor.

Today, in Sacrament Meeting (Sacrament is pretty much Communion, in LDS-speak. If you have questions, just let me know), Bruise was (as usual) sitting on my lap ... He ends up in my lap for at least part of the meeting.
(Bucket was ENGROSSED in a NOT-AT-ALL spiritual-type book. But, well, she was behaving herself. So I'll let it slide this time. ... If she hadn't been so enthralled by her novel, she'd have been clamoring to get on my lap, too. YES, BOTH my seven-year-olds want to be ON MY LAP at church. ... I don't really get it, but I am flattered.)

So, Bruise is on my lap. And I've already fixed his collar ... and one sock that was on inside-out (He was really wanting to watch Jackie Chan Adventures, rather than pay attention to getting dressed). Then I notice that his pants are on backwards (He has REALLY slim hips, so he just pulls on his pants 99% of the time.)

He moves his face THISCLOSE so our noses are touching, after I've told him, "Buddy, your pants are on backwards"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY." He whispers ... Then he immediately whispers, "IT IS FUNNY."

Then he goes into whispering the "no capes" bit from The Incredibles. Then changes it into "No capes for YOU."
To which, I counter with "Are you complaining? NO SOUP FOR YOU."

Yes, we FAIL at being spiritual during church. I'm completely out of practice.

(Although, one of the gals complimented me on how well-behaved my kids were. I thanked her and begged to differ. She just caught them at a good moment ... and we could do a HECK of a lot better at being reverent. But, hey, at least we look good in our irreverence.)

Also, on the drive to church (Michael had meetings, so went earlier in the truck), Bruise declared that Jackie Chan was his favorite guy.

"More than Indiana Jones??"
(Don't get me wrong. I ADORE Jackie Chan. But, well, I was a little taken aback at this change.)

"Well ..." Bruise considered, "I like them the same percent."

I don't know that Bruise totally understands percentages, but I love that he is working at it.
Cracks me up.

But, really, he's a (mostly) amiable young man. He does get frustrated easily ... and distracted (by LEGO or TV shows or toys) easily ... But he's a pretty strong reader (which he worked SO hard to be) and his writing has improved. He is getting more into sports ... though he LOVES video games.
He is kind ... and enjoys some shows because his sister loves them (e.g., My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic *BRONY HOOF!!*).

He has a good ear for a melody ... which is proven by how he'll hum/sing theme music as he plays (Mostly John Williams soundtracks ... Yup, we've raised a geek. It's lovely).

He hasn't seen a lot of Doctor Who, but he is VERY interested in the Daleks.

He loves to win ... doesn't care what it is, as long as he wins.

He hates to nap ... but he is a sound sleeper when he DOES fall asleep. Out of all our kids, he's the one that, if we have to have a child in bed, I handle best. Because he doesn't move around, like his sisters (who take after ME when I was that age.)

He has to work at his pronunciation ... which he finds frustrating.

I can tell that he's listening, since he picks up on certain speech mannerisms ... like how I (apparently) am prone to state, "As I was saying ..."
I have to say that it's rather hilarious to hear that come out of a five-year-old's mouth.
And it's still funny years later.

He does also have some good aptitude into math/engineering ... I still am boggled that he corrected his grandpa on how to set up the tire swing ... and that, sure enough, it was a better solution.

He also enjoys chess ... with his LEGO chess set.

He loves to snuggle. And, if I'm laying on the floor while reading story-story (bedtime story, as opposed to a scripture story, which is also part of our bedtime routine with the kids), he'll walk on my back.

I mean, really ... when I learned that I'd be mother to a son (as well as a daughter, since they ARE kind of a package deal), I was a little nervous.  I mean, I don't really enjoy watching football. I barely know how to grill. I prefer chicken to most red meat (besides bacon, I suppose. Bacon-wrapped chicken, though? Yummm.). I'm not really all that into cars and engines and stuff ...

I've grown more into LEGO, as my collection of the Harry Potter sets and my ever-increasing MiniFig collection proves. I try to figure out books that will catch and keep his attention (as much as I would LOVE to read Anne of Green Gables for story-story, I won't ... YET. But, when I do, I'll temper it with books like Kidnapped or Hatchet or On My Honor ... and maybe a reread of Skinnybones. ;P) ...

But, yes, he is a sweet, rather smart, funny boy.

And I love when he says things like:

  • "Freyja, come here! I want to give you the loves!"
  • "[Bubbles] is so cute. I love her."
  • "[Bucket] is my best twin sister."
  • "Daddy's favorite food is protein ... like in vegetables.
  • "Down Cuckoo" instead of Count Dooku
And how he loved wearing his Indiana Jones hat and satchel all over Disneyland and California Adventures ... and how Disney Park employees would remark things like "Indiana Jones! You seem taller in the movies!" or "Wow! Hi, Indy!" and Bruise would just smile to himself, so proud.

And he's great at fart jokes. ... So we have that in common. :P
Bruise looked over my shoulder and said I had to take that out.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Two days later ...

So, yesterday morning, I was cleaning the house in a mad frenzy, since my dad and L were coming up.

Michael was awesome and folded a shload of clothes, so we just had to get those out of the living room.
And I loaded the dishwasher, got the front room finished being picked up, the kids helped clean off the dining room table ... and I went to start the dishwasher ... and ... nothing. Like, the dishwasher wouldn't even start.

I've not been wild about this dishwasher ... ever.
So, I called Michael and checked the breaker (it was fine).
L, when they came (shortly after I was showered), tried to troubleshoot it a bit. Nothing.

So, since I helped sell their truck so quickly (via Craigslist) earlier this month, they had given me some money. She offered to, instead, get us a new dishwasher.
Which Michael picked up from the store (heck, it's practically across the street ... I was NOT going to pay $80 for delivery. I would grab the dolly and trek it across traffic to save $80 ... but, instead, Michael picked it up.) and started to install.

The outlet behind the dishwasher, apparently is corroded or something. Regardless, when it should be getting 120 volts (or whatever), it's only transmitting about 20. Yeah ... No wonder it's not running.

Michael replaced the outlet bit. No change. It's the wiring.
So we tried plugging it into the outlet with the garbage disposal. No dice, BOTH plugs are wired to the switch for the disposal. Grrr.
So, Michael grabbed a heavy-duty extension cord and we have it plugged into the outlet on the counter. BUT the main thing is that the dishwasher works again! And this one is WAY nicer: quieter, better racks (it can fit the water bottles on the top rack!!!!), there's a gauge that tells when we need to add more Jet-Dry to it ... and, wow, I know that I mentioned that it's quieter, but it's a LOT quieter. And it's more energy efficient, too.

I still will need to replace the fridge in the kitchen (the seals need to be replaced, at least ... But it'd be nice to get THAT more energy efficient, too) ... and, while I'm at it, we could replace the stove. Maybe get something that'd be even, right? :P

Also, the kids irked me by not paying as much attention to Dad and L as they could have. Bucket went out to play with friends ... for HOURS. L and I had gone out to buy the dishwasher. When we got back, Bubbles (down for a nap when we left) was up and was sporting a cut/deep scratch on her ear.
Bruise had no idea what had happened. A neighbor boy came over and asked to play. And Bruise let him in.
My dad, bless him, is blind, so he is an easy chaperone to have. ;P

One of Bucket's friends talked her into sneaking into their room (as Bubbles was sleeping, a big no-no) to get her friend a toy to play with.
AND this frenemy (since, dude, she does seem to be more into my kids' toys at times than my kids as friends) begged and begged and begged, saying, "Just sneak past [your grandpa], because he can't see anyways."

Also, both of these neighbor kids (NOT related at all) tried to get us (eating lunch or whatever) to give THEM (outside or after lunch) our food that Dad and L paid for.

I mustered a "polite spine" (via EtiquetteHell) and told them no.
(One reason: If we gave the neighbor girl food, we'd need to give her little cousin [also playing outside] some, too. And there's not enough for us to do that. ... And I didn't even mention that she had TONS of family out there who all had the ability, as they're packing for a trip, to make her lunch if she's that hungry that she's begging food from other families.
Two: If the neighbor boy is so thirsty for Dad and L's sodas [they brought them from home], he'd be thirsty for water. Which he wasn't. So THERE.)

I griped to Michael a bit that, golly, I have to parent the whole neighborhood.
And he's all, "YES, you do! Good job!"

And he did let me know that one family would appreciate my being an additional parent. They have a lot on their plates ... and VERY energetic kids, so yes, I should work to help out that way. And teaching manners is a good thing.

I really don't think that I'll ever be the "cool mom." I'm too much of an uptight, semi-introverted, control freak for that. But I can get it so that my kids' friends/neighbors know that they can come here ... and that is a good thing.

Although, I did tell Bucket that she does NOT need to take umpteen water bottles out to the neighbor kids (that I had JUST washed!) ... If they're thirsty, they can come and get a glass of water. That's totally okay.

And, yeah, that was most of yesterday ... except for the parts where I REALLY wanted to curse due to the stupid outlet.

Today, we went to the dentist. Even Bubbles got a check-up.
We need to brush her teeth more often (her gums bled a little, poor kid).
Bucket's teeth might be crowding a little. Bruise's spacer was replaced ... and they noticed that a small filling fell out (but, hey, he'll be losing that tooth soon, so no big, right?).
And, drumroll please!! NO ONE HAD ANY VISIBLE DECAY!
(Bruise does have a bit of a stain on one tooth, so they'll keep an eye on that.)
Still! Whoo Hoo!!! No cavities!! I'll take it!

And Bruise, Bubbles, and I cleaned out the little hall that runs between the house and the shop/storage shed. So Michael'll be happy about that. It looks a lot nicer. Just in time for our work party this weekend (taking out some trees/bushes and chipping a ton of old brush from when the neighbor put in her new fence a couple years ago. Yeah ... I KNOW).

I probably should take an allergy pill, since I swept up a bunch of old leaves/pollen. I'll get around to it.

Due to the dentist visit, we missed the first day of Summer Sports Camp (This week is T-ball). We'll be there the next couple days, though. Just an hour of it. Should still be fun.

Right now, Bubbles is still down for her "morning" nap ... usually it's around 9:30 that she goes down. She was up for the dentist appointment and we only got home about a quarter to one. Then she usually has another nap around 2:30 or so. Well, we'll see.

I should get dinner started ... especially since I can go LOAD MORE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER when I do that. ;P
(No, really, I get a little excited. Especially since I'm caught up on dishes now. Very nice.
I should also clean out the fridges. *sigh* And go through the deep freeze in the shop.
(One thing I'm looking forward to when we DO get a new fridge for the kitchen? Having a shelf in there. I don't need an icemaker, since the laundry fridge has that ... but a SHELF would make organizing it SO much nicer. Just sayin'. ... Although, to fit in the space we have, we have to downsize the fridge. *sigh*)

I also would kinda like a nap, myself. Don't think it's going to happen, though.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Ten days later ...

What all has gone on since I last blogged?
(A lot)
And I'm SURE that you've been WAITING WITH BATED BREATH since my last post.
Yeah ... I'm so sure.

Regardless, here's the catch-up ...

  • So, Michael had his birthday. That was where we left off.
    The grilling went well ... Since Michael was in charge of most of it. ;)
    I did grill some fresh pineapple ... which Bucket promptly, in TRYING to be helpful by bringing it in the house for us, dumped on the carpet. ... It was still good, once you picked off the carpet fuzz and cat hair. *rolls eyes*
  • The kids had Crazy Hair Day at school ... Bruise's was all spiked and multi-colored (I still have some red, blue, and green colored hairspray. I LOVE Sally Beauty Supply for that. And it smells WAY better than the generic Target spray that comes out at Halloween. Just sayin'. ... I should see if Sally's carries the glitter hairspray. Hmmm.)
  • Michael fell prey to a nasty stomach flu. Bubbles and I came home Friday, after he'd gotten home from work. We were going to all go run some errands ... but he was SACKED OUT on our bed. So, I put Bubbles down for a nap after a while and puttered around the house, waiting for him to wake up ... which he did, shortly before the kids got home ... and we went to his folks' house for a birthday dinner.
  • I woke up with Michael's stomach flu on Saturday ... He was starting to feel a bit better, so he let me sleep while he took the kids out to get presents for their cousins' birthday party. And, since he was NOT feeling great when he got back, we called up his folks ... and they saved the day by taking all three kids up to their cousins' party.
    It allowed THEM to have fun ... and it allowed us to sleep and, um, be near the bathrooms. (Yeah, it was NOT pretty.)
  • We were feeling much better by the time the kids got home. I had eventually shambled down the hall to join Michael on the couch. We watched some episodes of Portlandia and ate popsicles ... and everything stayed down. Phew.
  • Which allowed us to make it to church. And choir.
  • The kids' school had an awards assembly. Bruise got recognized for writing (he has worked to improve. He's worked REALLY HARD). Bucket was recognized for Reading (well, she IS reading around a third-grade level) and for being a great student (academically and behaviorally). They were both (along with MOST of their grade) recognized for not having behavioral issues.
    I took the camcorder ... and, well, I messed it up. But I did get some still-shots, so it COULD be worse. But I was really irritated at myself.
    Their principal gave a VERY good speech about how, even though we always want our children to succeed, it's GOOD for them to struggle and even fail once in a while.
    I really thought that Michael would like it, since he's REALLY irritated when there are awards to, well, recognize mediocrity. It's okay not to be the BESTEST at things. And, well, people have to face it ... not everyone CAN be the bestest. In fact, the odds are REALLY stacked AGAINST it. And even though we're all unique and special, we have to face it that the world does NOT revolve around us. (We do work to giving our kids a healthy self-esteem ... but not to let them be at all insufferable.)
  • I was still helping to ferry my friend's daughters home from school. Tuesday was ... a little exciting. The gal who was going to do the afternoon pick-up couldn't, due to a family thing. So I got Bruise and Bucket from school a little early and JETTED down to pick up one of the girls. We made it, just five minutes late. Phew!
  • My mom was up Wednesday, so she was here when Bruise and Bucket got home from school (it was a half-day ... and I had picked up my friend's girl). Then we went out to lunch ... and, after Michael got home, we went to dinner (a local restaurant has a kids-eat-free Tues-Thurs promotion).
  • Thursday ... we slept in a bit, cleaned up the house, played a little ... Mom and I got the kids signed up for a sports academy (1 hour/3x per week for three weeks) and swim lessons. And it POURED on the first day of Summer Break. 
  • In the evening, we got the kids ready for bed and I headed out for dessert with some friends of mine. Yup, a girls' night out. Creme Brulee and chatting. It was REALLY nice. Especially since a couple of the friends are headed out of town for a while.
  • Friday, Michael and I went to give blood ... and I was turned away. For the first time EVER, I have low iron in my blood! WHAT?? So I tried not to cry. And I bought some iron supplements.
    (I ALSO tried Fentiman's Rose Lemonade. YUM!!! If you like Rose Pastilles, you'll LOVE this!)
  • Yesterday, we went to the mall's kids' club -- there was a little concert. Very fun. Then we bought the kids some shoes. Bruise got a pair of sandals (Perry the Platypus?!??), a pair of slip-ons, and another pair of sneakers (since they have sports camp). Bucket got a pair of pink, sparkly wanna-be-Toms slip-ons, a pair of metallic sandals (for church), a pair of brown Mary Janes (also for church), and a pair of sneakers. They should be set for the summer!
    Bubbles' pair of shoes (Moccons, in the next size up) that I ordered came in. So she got new shoes, too. Lucky girl.
  • We also went to Jenny and Joseph's Solar Party (learning about solar panels). I don't think we're ready for them ... YET. Don't get me wrong, we'd LOVE to invest in them ... but it's a 20-year contract. And we KNOW that we're not going to keep our current house for 20 years. (We need to get at least a three-bedroom sometime. Preferably something a little bigger ... It'd be AWESOME to have a guest room. And a detached office, so Michael'd have the option for working from home ... without us bugging him all the time. ;P)
    (And a LIBRARY/office. And a backyard that we could fit a play structure in. And a garden! And a koi pond! And room for a pool! And, and, and!!!)
    But it was a fun time to get to chat with people ... and the kids had fun playing with other kids.
    And, of course, the food was awesome. (Caramel Tres Leches cake?? I HAD to try that. FOR SCIENCE, y'all!)
  • For Father's Day, we let Michael sleep in. And I made breakfast (pancakes and a POUND OF BACON. Jim Gaffigan would be SO PROUD). We gave him his presents (a DVD and some books: Darth Vader and Son, Vader's Little Princess, and the latest Dan Brown novel) ... and I sent off e-cards to his dad, my dad, my stepdad, and my grampy.
    Then we got ready and went to church (took the neighbor girl) ... and came home, folded tons of laundry, called the dads (I got two answering machines ... I can handle that. And I chatted with my stepdad), and ate lunch.
Besides that, it's been lots of dishes, laundry, trying not to yell at the kids too much, Bubbles getting into the cat food ... and sticking it in Freyja-cat's water dish.
Michael ripped out the other old Juniper bush in our front yard. He asked me where the snake will live now.
I say that it'll move under the rhododendrons. Which, naturally, are next to be taken out. Of course.
Michael has plans for a raised-bed garden. Since it'll get TONS of sunlight. I can handle that.

This week should be fun: Dad and L are coming up tomorrow. The kids ALL have a dental appointment. Sports camp (T-ball) starts ... they'll miss the first day. Whoops. Bubbles has her 15-month check-up. I don't THINK that she is getting any shots ... But, well, it's been six years, so she probably IS getting shots. And Bruise and Bucket will be there to help distract her. Good times.

Then, this weekend, we're going to have a work party to cut down a tree in the back yard (it's getting BIG. And it's taking up a LOT of room. And the leaves are REALLY STICKY so the ants LOVE it. ... And, well, I'm trying NOT to feel TOTALLY guilty about KILLING A TREE.
(But the wood is going to good use! We're giving it to a gal at church so she'll be WARM this winter!)
And, once the yard work is done, we'll have a BBQ to celebrate. So I'll need to go shopping.
Then we'll have choir on Sunday ... and that is the plan for the week.

Besides cleaning, cooking, having the kids memorize Articles of Faith, reading through The Book of Mormon with the kids this summer, working on writing and keeping in the habit of school stuff, researching medical insurance, researching a good not-too-big-or-too-spendy elliptical (because, it'd be NICE to have one. And I'd get through a LOT more movies/TVshows on Netflix that way) ... and updating the Facebook page for the ward (congregation) playgroup ... which, well, I'm in charge of.
I really don't know why. I suck at setting up Playdates. 
But Michael tells me that they have me do it because I'm aware of stuff going on. ... Okay, if you say so.

And ... I really want to get some naps. Naps would be good (or is that the low iron speaking?!?!??).

Funny things said lately:

Bucket and I were talking about cleaning and dirt.
Bucket: Well, when I have my own house, it won't have dirt or germs in it.
Me: Honey, EVERYONE'S house has some dirt and germs.
Bucket: THAT'S IT. I don't want a house. I'm just going to LIVE IN THE STREET!!

.... I really have no idea where she got that dramatic streak.
No clue at all ... *Whistles and walks away. Nothing to see here, officer.*

Michael already started reading "Inferno" (one of the books we got him).
Michael: Dan Brown REALLY has an ego.
Me: I'm Dan Brown and I'M A GENIUS. Read my books and see how smart I am. Because I am SMARTER THAN YOU.
Michael: Because I AM ROBERT LANGDON. ... Seriously, Langdon is Brown, but with more hair!

Bruise's pronunciation still makes us laugh ... He's using GREAT WORDS (that I, at the moment, cannot recall. BAD MOM) ... but, well, he's just great.

Bubbles likes to up the cute to get out of any trouble. And, when we call her on it, she'll flop onto the carpet and cry. Poor thing.

My best bon mot this week was probably this (Michael'll correct me if I was MORE brilliant, I'm sure.):
At Jenny's solar party, the rep was talking about how we get the majority of our electricity in this country.

Him: It's all dams, coal, and oil!
Me (sotto voice to Michael): Damn coal and oil.

Yeah ... I'm a rebel, I am.

But really ... I could totally go for another Rose Lemonade (or a dozen. Maybe ten ... dozens, that is).

Thursday, June 06, 2013

A tad bit busy ...

Okay, so yesterday, after I blogged ... what all went on?

  • Mom got here.
  • Michael and I went to Amanda F's funeral ... we were a little late, since Michael's coworkers decided to give him his card RIGHT before he left, since his boss is on vacation starting today.
    It was a very nice service. There were SO many people there ... which isn't surprising.
    Amanda is a very lovely, sweet person ... of course everyone who knew her couldn't help but love her.
  • We took Michael out for dinner. We went out for Mexican food. Yum.
  • I got up and got showered ... kinda skipped the Volunteer Breakfast that the kids' school put on. Turned out that it was a buffet. And that barely anyone had taken advantage of it. So, when I showed up to volunteer, I had a bite to eat.
  • Ran to the store to (1) meet a gal to get a USB stick full of pictures to upload to a website accessable to ALL people involved with SOTW ... Thank you Shutterfly for free accounts with unlimited storage! and (2) pick up some medicine for me. Because I can NOT handle a yeast infection. I also bought a big ol' thing of drinkable yogurt. Hello, healthy bacteria!
  • While I was at the store, my aunt called me with a computer question. I'm so glad that she uses Chrome (like I do), so that I was able to easily give her a walk-through ... as I walked through the store.
    I also got a call from my mom. SHE, at our house, watching Bubbles, got an automated call from the school that BUCKET was NOT in class. Which I couldn't fathom her NOT being. (I was in Bruise's class today ... and HE'D have mentioned if his sister wasn't on the bus or went somewhere.)
    Turns out that she WAS there, all along. Her teacher accidentally marked HER as absent, instead of the absentee (on the line below Bucket's name).
    I had run into Michael's uncle while I was fielding the call from the school ... so, after I got home (after picking up my friend's daughter), I made sure to track down his current number and let him know that all was well ... because I'd want someone to do that for me, if I were in that position.
  • And, like I mentioned, I got my friend's daughter from school and delivered her home. ... And I also took my friend (and said daughter) out to get a prescription. 
  • I feel like I've made a million phone calls -- Called the other gal picking up my friend's other daughter. Called the gal who was going to be watching the girls, in case my friend got to have surgery today (no) -- Twice!. Called my friend. Called Uncle L (after I called Mom C, to get his updated number! ... since I called a wrong number. Whoops!). ...
    And I called Michael to wish him a happy birthday.
  • I defrosted some steaks and threw together a marinade (with some of the truffle honey, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, sea salt, black pepper, paprika, onion powder, and garlic powder.). We'll roast some potatoes and the kids can have some hot dogs.
    I need to get a dessert wrangled up.
  • I sent out a slew of emails ... some making sure that we have meals for my friend and her family for the next couple days.
And I need to hit up facebook and wish my Uncle B and Aunt T a happy anniversary. And I think I have a couple other friends with birthdays today. So I should get on that.

But ... I'd really like a nap. That'd be nice.

Well, let's hope that my friend can get things fixed (soon) so she won't be in pain.
And that next week will be a LOT quieter. I'm ready for a relaxing week.
(At least, starting Thursday, I don't have to get the kids out to the bus anymore. That's nice.)

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Crazy Dream Chronicles - Costume Reunion Edition

Somehow, this didn't ever get published. Weird.
But it's from the middle of March.
Which I WAS going to say was last month.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaaaaaaaaa ... Seriously, it's already June? What?


So, my dreams last night were ... special.

(Knowing me, what would you expect, right?)

In the first part, Michael, the kids and I were taking a drive in the country. We wanted to go to a swimming hole ... and it was an area that we didn't know.

He found a house that looked as if it'd have creekfront-type property and pulled over.
We had a plan, since there was a party happening: Michael and I would crash the party and exit out of the back of the house, meeting the kids in the backyard, where we'd make our way to the water to swim.

Of course, we didn't have swimsuits, so we'd just be wading ... but, still ...

Now, when Michael and I went in, we found that it was a costume-reunion with a lot of the popular kids from my high school. And the theme was the 80s.

There was crimped hair, neon sunglasses, all that stuff. Lots of the people there were dressed like their pictures back in the 80s, which were projected onto a wall in a slideshow.

Michael, somehow, had an outfit that fit in well enough without screaming "I *heart* the 80s" ... I was wearing a blazer over a white tee and jeans, though ... when people asked me what I was, I screeched out, "I'M A VJ!!" (Yeah, my subconscious obvs loves her some MTV, when it played music ... and Daria. And Road Rules, too. I enjoyed that one. And Aeon Flux, even though I don't understand that one at all.)

But, yeah, we made out way through the place to the back outside, through a side exit off the kitchen (which really reminded me, come to think of it, of the old Methodist church that I attended as a little child. No, really, it's a historic building. And Mom converted from Methodism when I was three ... so, yeah. But my grandfolks were still Methodists, so I have more than a passing familiarity with the building as I grew up). We met up with the kids and rolled up our pant legs to get in the water.

THEN Michael and I (no idea where the kids are in this part) are headed to ... um ... help cater some party?
It's at an even bigger white historic-type house.
And the people who live there are black. Maybe mixed race ... but, um, they won't let us use the front door.

No biggie. Apparently, I handle reverse-racism well enough. I was just sad that, since we seemed to get along, that the lady wouldn't be my friend.

Oh well! Her loss ... because, well, I'm a pretty good friend.
Even if I suck at calling people or being social ... but I'm GREAT at keeping in touch via the interwebs ... So ... yeah.

Progress ... and regress

So, we went grocery shopping last night.

If nothing else, the kids have enough stuff for school lunches for the rest of the school year (we're getting close! Eeeps!).

I made a casserole (Tortilla Bake) for a surprise potluck for their school's Principal.

I picked up my friend's daughter ... and went to talk with my friend, since she'll need childcare on the day of her surgery.
Turns out that the appointment the doctors FINALLY got set up ... is a CONSULT, not a surgery appointment.


So, on the good side, it looks like I won't have to scramble for childcare on the same day as Michael's birthday and one of the local high school's graduation ceremony.

The bad side ... my friend is in PAIN. And can't drive due to the medicine to control said pain.
And the receptionist seems to treat her like a halfwit.
And I'm just getting frustrated and worried trying to figure out what all to do.

And I KNOW that there are pregnant gals in the ward. But I don't know when they're due ... but I want to make sure that we get meals for them ...


But ... yeah.

And the gorram, stupidhead cat peed on our bed yesterday. So we had to change the sheets when we were getting ready for bed.

I still love her. But I gave her a kitty Prozac. And I tossed her out of the bedroom this morning as soon as I got up, since Michael leaves the bedroom door open in the morning.

Not. Not yay at all.

And the funeral is today. I should get dressed for it soon ... like in a couple hours.

I just don't really know what to do.

Seriously, I know that I griped about all the meetings as YW Secretary ... and it's infuriating trying to get 3-8/9 people all to give you information ... but DAMN my calendars/newsletters looked AWESOME. And I had fun making birthday cards for the girls (I AM a MS Publisher fangirl. I know.).

But ... yeah. I just want people to be healthy and happy and self-sufficient.
And, for now, part of my job is getting them what they need to get there.

But, goodness, this is a pretty big situation ... since my friend has been in pain for a LONG time.
And, well, another gal that I know got in THE NEXT DAY for the same kind of surgery.
So this is blowing my mind ... and not in a good way.

I offered to junk-punch someone, even though I'm too pretty for prison.
But I'm so dang frustrated for my friend.
This is NOT COOL.

I just ... I want to know what to do, when I need to assign people to do stuff.
(I got an email back from a gal I emailed last night, asking if she could provide a dinner "tomorrow" ... Sent it LAST NIGHT, so tomorrow = today. She didn't look at the date stamp on the email. So ... Yeah. Whatever. I'll just do it myself. Because I love my friend. And I can grab a pizza and take it over.)

I know, I know ... I should have put "Tomorrow, June 5" or "Wednesday" ... but, well, after TWO other people couldn't do it, I ... yeah. I just was TRYING to get SOMETHING set up.

The Church is still true. Don't get me wrong.
But ... sometimes dealing with people on a general basis ... it's not the easiest.
Even if I love them.

But ... yeah.

So, um ... could you all just pray that my friend gets in for surgery soon? Because, well, it needs to get done so she can feel better. Because pain = NOT FREAKING FUN OR GOOD.

... which is why I don't exercise as much as I should.
True story.
That and I don't like being all sweaty. And it's difficult and expensive to find sports bras in my size.

Tuesday, June 04, 2013


It's confirmed.

I'm not a jerk.


Now I can be assured that it's all good.

Still, I do miss being able to take some St. John's Wort ... because you're not supposed to do that when you're nursing. *sigh*

Maybe I should make myself a cuppa (herbal cuppa, that is ... because that's how I roll).

Just .... stuff.

So, yesterday was pretty okay.
  • Got the kids ready for a field trip (I didn't go ... Didn't get into the shower until, um, 2? Yeah, kinda lazy day).
  • Battled the freaking ants again. Stupid ants. I hates them. I hates them, MY PRESSSSSSHUSSSSSSS.
  • Michael and I watched last week's SYTYCD online.
    "Are you sure you should watch this [being a very sentimental clip about a contestant] on your period?"
    Also? Adam Shankman is ADORBZ. I pink-puffy-heart that man. I just want to give him a squeeze and tell him how darling he is. Because he's TOTALLY darling and sweet.
  • Michael also was watching a movie preview on his phone.
    "Is that Stanley Tucci," I ask from across the room.
    "Yup. Good job. And Nathan Fillon is in it, too. You'd probably like this one."
    Turns out that it's the next Lightning Thief movie ("Sea of Monsters") ... and it has Sean Bean and Anthony Stewart Head (aka, Giles from BTVS) ... so I'm looking forward to it, as a fangirl of most of the cast. ^_^
Today, I got the kids off to school, got showered and dressed (go me, right?), picked up a friend's daughter from school, got home JUST in time to meet the exterminator (free inspection ... sounds like the ants are probably nesting in our walls. JOY. But they can take care of that.), went to an appointment for WIC, got home, the kids came home, I called my Nana ...

And... I feel like a huge jerk. I called my friend to see if her doctor got (minor) surgery scheduled. And, well, I'm Compassionate Service Leader for my ward (congregation)'s Relief Society. And, so I'm kind of the one that organizes service (in this case, transportation for her kids ... split between 3 ladies, including me).

Her doctor FINALLY is getting her in for a visit. But my friend's been in pain for a while ... like, over a week. Maybe 1.5-2 weeks now. And I'm irritated at her doctor for this. Because, dude, she's hurting.
And, well, I think that my friend thought that I was irritated at HER ... so I feel like a JERK.

And I wrote her an email apologizing in case she felt that I was a jerk.

But I still feel like a complete and total donkeybutt jerk.

Which makes this a much harder day than it started out being.
It was just a kind of busy-ish day. And now I feel like a jerk because my friend cried and might feel that I think she's a burden (which I DON'T) ... but, well, when you're in pain and have been for a while ...
I ... I just ... I just don't want her to think that I was insinuating that she's a bother.
Because she's not. 

Bucket just made Perler Bead creations for her teachers ... I had to iron them.
Something smelled strange over there. I asked the kids if either of them farted (no).
I remarked that something smelled kinda like cat poop.
"Well, it's not me." Bucket asserted. "I do not poop cats."

I needed that.

I made dinner. That's an improvement.
It's kind of amazing what happens when I just throw nearly-random cans into a pan.
(Tonight: boneless chicken tenderloins cooked in chicken broth and tomato sauce, with coconut oil and Italian herbs. Served with brown rice cooked in water, with coconut oil and a dash or two of Fiori salt, which smells amazing, as far as salt goes.)

We'll see if Bruise and Bucket eat. Maybe.

I got a hair donut (it's a mesh circle to do some hairstyles, like a BIG, poofy-type bun with my shorter, fine hair) yesterday. Did up my hair ... I asked Michael later if he liked my hair.
"Did you color it?"
No. Not at all. But nice guess.

Well, SYTYCD is on tonight. That'll be nice.

And we should go grocery shopping tonight. Fun, fun, fun. Since Bubbles went down for a nap not THAT long ago. *sigh*
(She likes to watch SYTYCD, too, by the by. It's pretty cute.)

So ... yeah. Maybe we'll get the ants the heck outta my house. That'd be nice. And shark week is drawing to a close.

Tomorrow is Amanda F's funeral.
Michael and I are going.
I kind of wish that I had some Valium ... because, face it. We all are sad that she's not here anymore.
But I don't want to take any chance of causing a scene. Because, as egocentric as I can be, this is NOT at all about me.

It'd be a whole heckuva lot easier for my life if I didn't look like hell when I cry. If I could be one of those pretty criers. But, no, it's BAD when I cry. And this is about AMANDA's life, not "Omigosh, are YOU okay, Allanna?"

Hopefully, with shark week on the ebb, I can handle myself.

Maybe I should have Michael give me a blessing so that I can shake these stupid angry bees that hate me in my head. (Thanks, Mother Nature. NOT.)

Yeah, I'm just getting irked at myself. I don't do well throwing myself a self-pity party. I start to really get sick and tired of my own mental bellyaching ... because, well, unlike the rest of you lucky people, I'm stuck with my inner monologue.

(Oh, yeah. I also threw some balsamic vinegar in with the chicken.)

So, yeah. That's the last couple of days in a nutshell.

Thanks for letting me vent.
I'm sure that it was perfectly ENTHRALLING (not).

Sunday, June 02, 2013

I have awesome friends

Thank you.

You know who you are. So I won't embarrass you ... unless you want me to.

But thank you. I do feel better (Eating a bag of gummi bears helped, too).

Out of Clever Ideas for a Title ... Blah

So, lately, I've been NOT making it through all of church. On a consistant basis.
Which sucks.

I can assure you that it's not because I have any doubts about the Church being true or that our leaders are called of God or anything like that.

It's because Bubbles is an ACTIVE child. And she's not yet old enough for Nursery (still THREE MONTHS TO GO. THREE MONTHS) ... so I have to schlep her to Sunday School and Relief Society. And ... well, to be perfectly blunt, I have a hard enough time trying to pay attention and LEARN something on my own. Adding a (darling, I know, but) LOUD munchkin who wants to go walking/running around the room or to be fed constantly ... And that's when she's NOT sitting in a (backless, at her height) chair and FALLING BACKWARDS ... It's a recipe for failure.

I can't pay attention. She's distracting others. And THAT distracts me.
So, either I stay and be a complete wreck ... or I take her home and lay her down for a nap.
And it's a total lose-lose situation, because I know that I SHOULD stay and show her that church is important enough to stay there ... and I might -- just might, maybe -- get some wonderful nugget of knowledge that'll help me get through the week/be a better person/wife/mother/daughter/sister-in-law/etc ...

But I can't handle it. And it's stupid to just go wandering the halls, since she demands to walk on her own, won't even let me hold her hand ...

I've tried sitting out in the car ... but the weather's getting too warm to keep the windows shut. And she won't fall asleep ... so she's too loud to keep the windows open.

So, instead, I take her home ... and I feel like a jerk/horrible person for NOT being at church.

And this week, with fasting and shark week and everything ... I was there at church. I missed the Sacrament being passed because I was in the Mother's Lounge. Yes, I was talking to another mom in the other ward ... but still, I missed the main reason for going to church (besides worshiping in general). And Bubbles still wasn't winding down ... And I went back in with her and sat with the family ... and then Michael had to take her out.

Amanda's husband was there at church. He seems to be holding up well. I didn't go up and give him a hug. Because I'd probably burst into tears ... and he doesn't need that. I did smile at him ... and then I started to get all teary-eyed ... Stupid emotions.

But I was there, in Sacrament meeting, filling up Michael's handkerchief. When he brought Bubbles back to sit down, since he needed to be close ... since he had to give the closing prayer in the meeting ... And, OF FLIPPING COURSE, she starts squawking again. So I just told him that I was taking her home.

And I cried the way home. Got her in her bed. Took a shower to clean off the rest of my mostly-cried off makeup ... and, while I was there, did my best to pray ... which mostly consisted of my whining and railing at Heavenly Father that I just don't FEEL right. And I want to be able to be at church ... but I CAN'T manage if I'm going to be crying all the time or not able to even listen, let alone concentrate on the lessons .... And it's just HAAAAAAAARD. And there are ants in our house. And I HATE being crazy on a monthly basis.

I just don't really know what to do.

Which makes me cry more.
And I don't know how much of it is just because I'm on my period so I'm a crazy-hormonal MESS.
I don't know if it's because I suck at grieving ... so maybe I just need to handle that ...
I don't know how much is frustration that no matter what I do, there's ants and the house always gets messed up again.
How much is due to Michael texting me this morning to request that I bring his tablet to church, since he didn't have it. And he said that it's on my desk. And it's NOT. And the kids both proclaim that they didn't touch it. And we looked all over the house, for about five minutes ... which is fine, since it's not a big house ... and I still can't find the damned thing.
And how much is due to the fact that I tried fasting even though I get HELLA CRANKY when I don't have food ... AND it's the same week as my cycle (thanks, Mother Nature, you whore)
And .... and .... and .... yeah.

And now I have a headache from crying. WINNER! /sarcasm

But, yeah ... I mostly just feel that I suck. At just about everything.

  • attending church and staying once I've gotten there
  • Bubbles is TINY. Maybe because I suck at feeding her.
  • Personal prayer ... should be an automatic habit. It's not.
  • Same with personal scripture reading. SUCKAGE GALORE.
  • I can't control my emotions.
  • Our house STILL has ants.
  • I haven't finished my library books. And the last one that I DID read wasn't that good.
  • My pad won't stay in place. Because, apparently, maybe my body is just not put together right.
  • Maybe because I could stand to lose about 70 pounds.
  • I can't make and stick to a meal planning system if it killed me. And it just might. But I hate scouring the house around 5PM or so, wracking my brain as to what I can manage to scramble up to feed the family (Which would be easier if Michael didn't hate eggs. Can you work on that honey? A frittata wouldn't take long to make. Just sayin'.)
  • The fact that I wasn't able to solve the memory card issue on my own. I LIKE being independent and being able to save money. ... Though, knowing that there's a good place to take it/refer people IS a bonus ... but it doesn't totally make up for not being able to do it myself.
  • I can't cry without looking AWFUL. And it's OBVIOUS when I've been crying. Or even yawning. Completely unfair. I wonder, if I had brown eyes, would it be so obvious?
And the list goes on. Of course. Because I, apparently, have very little in my system right now besides self-loathing. And I should follow that with a chaser of ibuprofen, since it's given me a headache.

I don't LIKE not being happy. I don't LIKE not feeling like a fun mom. I don't LIKE getting to church and not being able to pay much (if any) attention to the speakers/teachers. I just want to be able to sit with Michael for at least two of the hours and TRY to get something out of the lesson.

While I'm at it, I also want an elliptical that fits in our living room, a house with at least one more bedroom, established scripture reading/prayer habits that I don't even have to think about, a chef, maid and maseusse, and to wake up 70 lbs lighter with boobs that fit in bras that I could buy off the rack ... and that my hair wasn't so porous. That'd be nice, too.

But I'd settle for an elliptical and a child that sits still during Relief Society ... since racing up to stop her from making a run to the front of the room (where the teacher is TRYING to her HER job) is more than a little distracting.

and .... I obviously can't handle it.

Counting ...

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