Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Crazy Dream Chronicles, Part ... um ... Eleventeen

Some of my dreams are memorible due JUST to how random and odd they are.

[E.g., the dream where I was making out with the older jerk of a brother on Weird Science (the TV series, not the movie. Same character, though. (circa 1996))]
[Or the one where I was ana assassin named Violet. But I had amnesia. And I was working at a kitchen goods store in Florida, hanging pans on a shelf/wall. And making out with a very nice boy ... as another assassin is approaching to kill me, not knowing that I haven't defected ... it's just that I don't REMEMBER who I am or my mission ... (circa 1994)]
[Or the one where my mom and I are driving to Sally's, my blog-friend, yet, remarkably the South is located just down the street from our house. And there are werewolves. Yes, WEREWOLVES, chasing us and trying to tear apart the car to eat us. And I'm trying to make sure that they're not going to hurt Sally's daughter, who's with us. (circa 2004)]

So, as you can see from the aformentioned dreams, my psyche is a rather ... unusual/singular/peculiar/scary place to be.

Last night?

I dreamt that I was student-teaching. But I wasn't anywhere that I recognized. I had a male teacher in the classroom. And ... um ... he tried to, well, overpower me. (Thankfully, not in front of the students. That'd be SO much more wrong-er-er on SO many different levels.) And, to protect myself and my virtue, I was grappling with this knife-weilding teacher ... with a metal can opener ... like the "church key"-type can openers. Like for opening bottles. Or cans of evaporated or condensed milk ... so it has that little triangular hole in the lid? You know the type, yes?


And I escaped, rather unscathed ... but breathless and running away ... right into ANOTHER dude who's main objective is to get himself a (unwilling) piece of this. What. The . H????

And, yes'm, I fought him off, too. Must have been with that dang can opener.

So, if any of you out there are up for a challenge, what the bedevilment does this cah-ray-zee dream signify????

Perhaps I am feeling vunerable? Perhaps I need to buy more can openers? Perhaps I need to stay the H away from Education? (Not too hard ... since I'm not really headed back immediately. Especially if I'm having dreams like these.)

Little-known fact regarding myself: Yes, I'm squicked out by spiders and their inherent creep-factor. But, for as long as I've been aware what it was, I've been worried/scared that I'd be raped. I do not know why. Just one of those things.

Back onto a happier-ish note, I shall regale you with yet ANOTHER of my Crazy Dream Chronicles®:

Now, this dream occured around, oh, 2002? Somewhere around there.

In my dream, I was just chillaxin' with Jackie Chan (awesome!) and Jean Claude VanDamme (okay ... odd). And as we were hangin', what approaches us but an INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!

*cue dramatic music: Duh-duh-DUM!!!!!*

Now, VanDamme goes and starts fighting him. I'm watching through my fingers, huddled into a ball, as he loses against the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!!!!

And Jackie Chan goes and fights ... he's whirling and kicking and doing all the amazing things that Jackie Chan can do ... and still, he fails against the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD!!!!

So, there I am ... I know that I can't just let the INVISIBLE NINJA LORD triumph. And I also know that, as I fight ... trying to anticipate where the heck he's at and what he's doing, since I can't SEE him, since he's an INVISIBLE NINJA LORD ... if JACKIE CHAN, who's only completely made of AWESOME, can't beat him, then I have NO chance of winning ...

And I am left bruised and bloody, panting for breath on the hard, cold surface on which we had fought ... and the *dum-dum-DUM!!* INVISIBLE NINJA LORD triumphs over us all.

*Holds up sign: Fin*

Yeah, that's pretty much my life motto. If Jackie Chan can't fight So-and-so and win, I have no business whatsoever trying to fight that person.

But, really, I never try and fight ANYBODY.

Mostly because I'm kind of a wimp. I don't like to get dirty. I don't like pain much, either.

(Also, about that strange, unexplained fear mentioned above, I like to consider that with the one song, "Everbody's Free (to Wear Suncreen)" ... the line "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday." ... And since I HAVE worried about this odd fear, well, then it should never happen. ... And thinking of it that way puts me a little more at ease. ... But maybe I should buy a few more can openers and secrete them in various places where I might have need of them. I'm just sayin'.)

However, there's one dream that I've had over and over that I wish I could find the place. In my dream, I'm with a bunch of children (like a class), but I'm a leader ... but, like, a teenager? ... And I've had this dream off and on since I was ... um ... maybe nine?
... BUT, in the dream, we're walking up (okay, DOWNSTREAM) Canyon Creek. And we come to this place where the current lessens a little and there's a bit of an island(?) in the middle. And it's covered in trees (Poplar, maybe?) and it's just SO nice.

Since I've had this dream over and over, I would (just about every summer) wade/walk/whatever down Canyon Creek and look for it. Never found it.
But I was able to catch and watch lots of newts on my way.
I like newts. They're just so cute.

So, yeah ... just another look into my brain.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


april b said...

you crack me up!

Anonymous said...

You always have the weirdest dreams!
And I thought mine were weird. What the apparition of a white panther for the last three I can remember!

Melissa Nielsen said...

wow, maybe you just shouldn't go to sleep anymore. That would solve the problem, right?

Maybe its just all the books you read, and an overactive imagination.

I only have weird ones when I get cold.

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