Monday, September 29, 2008

Update ... and a little Dilemma ...

Brooke, for you, I will update.

That and the fact that I NEED to update, regardless. But you can tell yourself that it's just for you. ^_^ Because I'm so, so generous. :P

SO, where to begin? Thursday night, Michael and I head to bed ... and Bucket coughs herself awake. She's also running a little fever. Won't fall back asleep ... so we take her into bed with us. Later, Bruise wakes up and doesn't want to sleep in his room, alone. ... So he gets to crawl in bed with us. Thank goodness we have a Cal. King bed. (We need to upgrade to the regular King-sized bed.)

Have I mentioned that Bucket is NOT a quiet sleeper? Bruise does well snuggling. He'd only wake up to say "Ow." when Bucket would roll over him/kick him/etc. during the night.

Did I also mention that I really can't sleep well with Bucket in our bed? Because I now am a MUCH LIGHTER SLEEPER since having kids? (Srsly, y'all. I used to sleep like the DEAD. Now i can't. It really sucks.)

So Friday morning sees me having had maybe 3.5 hours of sleep. And since Michael had a bit of a migraine (since he didn't sleep well either), I got to drive us down to visit family. Miraculously (and due to my kick-butt playlists on my iPod), we made it in one piece. Michael napped on the way down, napped a little at Nana's, napped a little at my Dad's, and we were able to visit my Mer and her family ... and still get to my Mom's at a reasonable hour. Phew!
Mer's getting married, which is GREAT. She has her dress picked out and it's beautiful. She also has her eye on a certain bridesmaid gown for her attendants. ... One that I can't wear.

DILEMMA!! It's a beautiful dress ... BUT ... You know ....

She and I have been friends since third grade. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I did tell her that I wear garments (and she hadn't heard about garments before) and that the dress wouldn't cover them. 
(Funny aside, I mentioned the similarity of garments and the vestments worn by clergy in other churches. She immediately asks, aghast, "Are you becoming a Mormon Nun?!?" "No," I respond, trying not to laugh, "Not hardly! I'm MARRIED! I have children! And there's no such thing as a Mormon Nun!")
She did ask if I could ask my God if I could make an exception. I told her I'd pray about it. She then asked if I could ask someone at church ... I told her I could ask the Bishop. I don't really want to waste Bishop's time ... because I have prayed and I really don't feel comfortable with the thought of not being able to wear my garmies. Especially at a wedding ceremony at a church (or her back yard, even).

How should I handle this? I love my Mer. And she loves this dress for her bridesmaids.

I know there are options. I already mentionedthe possibility of wearing a shrug or a shawl tied just so. She wasn't very into it.
Would it be presumptuous to suggest a different dress in the color she chooses?
I could have some alterations done ... but it wouldn't look very much at all like the other dresses.

I never realized that she didn't know about garments. It's just something that I've taken for granted, being in the church since I was small ... I kinda feel like it's my fault for never realizing that she might not know that I don't wear sleeveless things now. It's not like we're able to hang out a whole lot together ... and I just feel sucky. I'm messing up her mental image of how her wedding is going to look ... But I don't feel that I can NOT wear my garments. 

Help, please.

So, yeah, if you could shoot some suggestions my way, I'd appreciate it.

The visit with my family went well. The kids were glad to see everyone. My stepdad gave the kids rides on the tractor. Mom and I went shopping downtown ... and I know this will make me sound ten shades of crazy BUT ... I was so glad that the shops smelled the same. (My hometown has changed so much with the casino going in and all ... but the Drug Store and Javelin's shop and the fabric store all smell the same. I wish I could bottle them.

It was a good visit. The kids slept well in their sleeping bags (even though Bruise did climb up to cuddle for a bit in the EARLY morning ... then climbed back down. Then got up when he couldn't sleep. ^_^)

I'm just trying to get everything back to normal. I've got dishes to wash, laundry to fold and put away, books and books and books to read ... the usual.


Brooke said...

Allana...I think if she is your friend, then she will understand. You dont have to feel two have a bond...a love and she will understand. Maybe you could fill some other station at her wedding other than Bridesmaid?

Jennifer Davis said...

I agree with Brooke. You shouldn't feel bad. Don't compromise your standards. If she is a good friend she'll understand. Either make the dress work, or like Brooke said, maybe just fill another position.

Kate the Great said...

I agree with both Brooke and Jennifer; she will certainly understand if she is your friend. Besides, what a great example you have a chance to be about how important covenants are (she will be making marital convenant, even if she is getting married outside of our faith) and she can see first hand how important it is to keep the promises we make with the Lord.

Having looked at the dress in the photos, all you would need to do to make it modest is add a bellero (sp?) or tie a wrap in a matching fabric to make a shawl. It wouldn't be a huge change. I have seen many women do similar things and no one ever seems to notice, much.

I can even help you alter it, make something for it, if you'd like.

Anonymous said...

I Fourth (since I'm much too late to second) the above comments. I especially like Katie's comment. Excellent time to have a teaching/missionary moment. Give her a copy of the Proclamation to the World on the Family! Explain to her that with Heavenly Father (He's not just *our* God, he's EVERYONE'S!) when you make a promise, it's a promise. A covenant is a serious promise. Good call comparing it with the White Collar, it's a good comparison.

I know you're going to be a wonderful explainer-person. Don't worry about it! Just let her know that you love her deeply, but this is a religious thing. It's not unlike asking a devout Muslim woman if Allah would make an exception for her to remove her Hijab and wear the dress. Mostly people wouldn't think of asking that. It's something we do out of respect for our faith, and the covenants we make with Heavenly Father.

Kate the Great said...

Okay, so I swear I am not spamming. I just wanted to say that I think Bri Bri did a fab job further explaining what I was thinking.

And as a side note, how I've always explain my garments to people is by likening it to a Jewish Prayer Shawl. It is something I wear to help me remember the promises I've made to god and help me be mindful of him at all times... I know that doesn't entire cover what they are for, but it give them enough to understand, and something more mainstream to liken it to.

Prissy & Hero said...

I had a similar situation not long after we got married. I simply told my friend I'd love to be in her wedding, but that I couldn't compromise the promise I made in the temple. I told her I'd do what she wished to accommodate (shawl, shirt underneath, bolero jacket) but that I couldn't stop wearing the G's. At first she was frustrated. Then, with time, she understood. I ended up wearing a cap sleeve shirt underneath and no one said anything about it. I know her pictures weren't quite what she was planning, but I was in them.

Fold My Laundry Please said...

Most places that sell bridesmaid dresses can also sell you extra fabric that the dresses are made out of. When my brother got married, his then fiance chose a bridesmaid dress with spaghetti straps. I just ordered 2 or 3 extra yards (it would depend on the pattern you choose) and my MIL sewed a bolero jacket for me. Since it was made out of the same fabric, my dress didn't stand out from the other girls' and I was able to maintain my covenants. And a bonus was that all the other girls oohed and aahed over my dress and kept saying that they wished they had gotten jackets, too! I can send you some of the photos is you like.

nicole said...

be proud of what you stand for and don't compromise! she will definately understand (as everyone else said =]) and most importantly, don't feel bad about your personal standards.
sure it's her day, and you want to help make it perfect for her, but i'm sure she isn't bride-zilla and will throw a huge fit if you explain that you cannot break that promise to God or your husband. after all, would she expect someone to want her to break a promise to hers?
i agree with the jacket idea. depending on where she is getting her dresses, alot of major retailers have the same dress with sleeves or sell a separate cover-up. look into that! i'm sure if it matches no one will even notice! and remind her that everyone will have all their eyes on her anyway ;]
be proud of your garments. i wish i had some that i could cover up. although, i got a little hint from my husband today that i may get to receive them in the future! he hinted about possibly getting baptized! yay!!

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