Challenges ...

Maybe I'll get a fun title ... or, at least, a creative one ... but right now ... no.

So ... I'm sure everyone's aware of how there was a bombing at the Boston Marathon (well, thanks, Allanna's subconscious. You almost had me write "Boston Massacre." And, though rather apt, that's not what it was supposed to be.)

(Yes, I just talked to my subconscious there. What, you mean you don't?)

But, yeah ... I'm in a bit of a funk.
And when I say a bit ... I mean A LOT.
Because I am generally a happy-ish-type person.
And I don't feel happy much at all right now.

And, NO, it's not my period. Thanks for asking.

But the fact is that, yes, bad things happen. People are suffering. Some lost their life or a loved one. Many more were injured. There's a picture making its way around Facebook (and yes, I did check for authenticity. Because I HATE it when things are posted that aren't confirmed truth. Sadly, this IS.) with a man who lost at least one leg (below the knee). ... And, according to the news reports, out of the 170 or so injured, there were a LOT of amputees.

And an eight-year-old boy was killed ... out of three deaths, one was so young.

Nevertheless, things like this SHOULD NOT HAPPEN.
I want to know what someone would think to explain that behavior ... and, well, then I DON'T want to know. Because, regardless of any explanation which MIGHT make some semblance of reason for this to occur, there's the fact that it SHOULD NOT HAPPEN.

I feel angry. And helpless. And depressed. And irritated.
All rolled up into some little hedgehog-ball of upset ... with a soft underbelly of hurting.

Because, well, I can't even imagine what those runners and their friends and families are going through.
I can't imagine how it could be to go run in a marathon ... and then end the day with the possibility of never running again.

This is bollocks, y'all. Total bollocks.
Why can't we just be freaking NICE to each other?
Why do we, as a species, target each other? It doesn't make sense.

I just want to go and smack everyone up the head and be all, "You're a FREAKING CHILD OF GOD. HE LOVES YOU. HE LOVES EVERYONE. SO JUST GO AND TREAT EVERYONE WITH LOVE, DAMMIT!"

But, well, wouldn't that be a bit hypocritical and counter-productive?
I think it might be. Just a titch. (WARNING: UNDERSTATEMENT ALERT)

Seriously ... what is it with the fact that every time I try and do something frigging RIGHT, crap blows up (not always literally) ... but still. What the aitch is UP with that?

(Satan, that's what. Because he wants me to just give up and be a spiritual slug ... amirite?)

(Oh gosh, now I have SNL's The Church Lady in my brain. That usually just happens when Mom and I sit next to each other in Sunday School. Then we'll whisper "Could it be ... SATAN!?!?" or "Well, isn't that special?" to each other. Yes, there's a reason my mom is one of my besties. Many reasons, actually. But that is one of them.)

BUT!!
Where was I? Ah, yes!
SO, yesterday started out fiiiiiiiine -- I got the kids off to school (even though Bucket's lunchbag appears to be missing. Again.), Bubbles and I said an itsty prayer together (never too early to start a habit, right? And I should be doing WAY stinkin' better at instilling this into ALL the children. And myself.). Eventually, I got breakfast and did some laundry. ... And I got the news about Boston.

I don't really know anyone in Boston ... do I?
Thankfully, all my friends' friends (that THEY know) who were in the Marathon are safe and accounted for.

I read my scriptures ... blogged about that.
Started another spiritual/scriptural-type challenge ... Voices for Virtue created a 40-day challenge.

In the shortest terms possible, here it is: Read one conference talk per day for 40 days (with the exception of one day when you read the Sustaining of the Church Officers and the Auditing report and the Statistical report ... because those are all rather short)

So, yeah ... I started doing that, too. Since it STARTED yesterday. And, well, why not?
I mean, if it's so important for us to receive this revelation as a whole church, shouldn't I actually, you know, better acquaint myself with it?

Yesterday, also, my language practice SUCKED. Seriously sucked. German conjunctions and Spanish questions (Que, Donde, and so on ... and, yes, I DON'T have the accents on there. Because I'm lazy and peevish.) ... they just were NOT happening.

But, regardless, I DID read my scriptures and the opening remarks for Conference.
Did I feel tons better? ... I really couldn't say. Mostly because, well, if you usually feel around an 80 and then you feel around a -500, feeling around a -75 is better, but not great.

Today's reading was Elder Packer's talk. And it was a nice talk. I do worry, though, that he's not going to be with us a terribly lot longer. And that makes me sad.
He talks of how much wisdom he's gained ... and how, even though it's so hard to move about and do things he used to love, he wouldn't change that ... because the knowledge and experience he's gained is so precious to him.
He also talks of complacency and protecting the home and family against the bad things that are out there.

However, with what happened yesterday ... I keep thinking more toward one of the last talks given in Conference. Elder Bruce D. Porter gave a talk, "Beautiful Mornings."
And I liked how it was summed up over at The Latter-day Snark ... about how it wasn't so much about why bad things happen to good people, but more about who cares why bad things happen to good people.
I did give it a quick read-over ... and, yes, I feel more better than I did before I read it.

I do have a testimony that, through Heavenly Father's plan of happiness, that things will work out.
(Which reminds me of another conference talk, President Uchtdorf's "The Hope of God's Light.")

I know that we will have trials here on earth. And that we have the opportunity to learn and to grow from the trials that we and others face. It's not always going to be easy or fun ... But there will be good to balance out all the suck that is in the world. And, without all the bad, how would we even recognize what is good? ... So I do have to be thankful for the bad, too. (Though I might not be as grateful for it as I probably should be.)

I'm grateful for the Atonement ... so that we have a sure witness that everything WILL be right. Maybe not right now, but eventually. I'm glad to know that the people affected by the bombing will be made whole and perfect again.

It's just trudging through the figurative mud here that is hard. But we'll get by, right?
(If you're not sure, we do have it on good authority that we WILL. It just takes time and effort.)

Okay, so I should read my scriptures for the day ... Mosiah 9:1-9:19

• Okay, I had to go to the actual scriptures to make more sense of all this ... Chapter headings make like a LOT easier. So, now Ammon and Limhi and everyone are reading the plates Limhi's people found (So, they were translated! Whoot!) ... and it's the record of a civilization that came before.
• Zeniff is the part of a group who've left Zarahemla for the land of Lehi-Nephi He knows how to read and write (obvs, or else we wouldn't have this record). He spies on the Lamanite forces ... but, when he observes them , he realizes that there's a lot of good ... so he doesn't think that his group should wipe the Lamanites out. 
• However, the leader of the group is more bloodthirsty and doesn't really care for the idea of making a treaty with the Lamanites. So much so that he wants to put Zeniff to death for daring to question orders. He's spared due to a civil war fought among their own people. He is one of the few (it sounds like less than half of the original troop survived) that returns to Zarahemla to report to the families.
• Still, they REALLY want to regain the land of their ancestors, so they head back ... but, since they're not as righteous as they should be, they have a lot of trials (famine and "sore affliction," which always makes me think of boils ... but I'm sure that's not it. Or, at least not all of it.)
• Eventually, they return to where they started (where the original group camped, at least, before the civil war) ... They meet with the Lamanite leader who, remarkably, is pretty cool with the transfer of land. They agree to make a peaceful transfer ... his people leave the land of Lehi-Nephi and Shiom.
• BUT!! King Laman was a crafty guy ... after the Nephites move in, build their homes, establish farms ... really get settled in, he plans to get the Nephites into bondage and repossess their lands.
• But, like the Israelites in Egypt (as in "Tell old Pharaoh 'Let my people go!" ... you know, the story of Moses?), the Nephites were prosperous and, well, there were a LOT of them. So King Laman is forced to act sooner rather than later.
• The Lamanites are a society where there's not such the great work ethic, apparently ... and they really, really want to have all the food and flocks that the Nephites have raised (Kinda like the dog and the cat in "The Little Red Hen." You know, they don't help out, but they're more than happy to offer to eat the bread. Should I have prefaced that with "Spoiler Alert?" :P)
  So, under the king's direction, they start fighting with the Nephites and taking the crops and flocks of those they overtake.
• The Nephites that aren't killed in the raids flee to the main city with its stronghold and beg Zeniff for protection. He arms them with all the weapons he can get his hands or or create ... and they go to battle with the Lamanites, crying to the Lord for help.
• There's a huge battle ... In about 24 hours, they slay 3,043 Lamanites. Eventually, the Lamanites are driven back out of the land of Lehi-Nephi. The Nephites bury the dead, including their own 279 casualties.

I'm not totally sure what all I should be learning from this. ... I mean, it's really good to have a good work ethic. And to pray when you're doing hard/dangerous things. There is the whole similarity of the Nephites and Israel in Egypt ... I don't know that I really noticed that before.

But ... yeah.

Well, my mental health number is a bit better than it was earlier. 

Apparently the migraine that Michael came home with must have gone away ... since he went to work and everything. We're counting down to our vacation ... I'm trying not to freak out. Because, apparently, I am a  control freak and I'm trying to figure out how to keep the kids entertained on a long car trip (and that's IF we don't get in a traffic jam) and what all to pack for food and how many pairs of underwear we all need ... and how many diapers to bring (because, after getting urine in my FACE last time, if a certain child of mine does not empty his bladder out? He's going to pee into a diaper, so help me. Because, face it, you do NOT need to use the bathroom every half-hour. Especially in HEAVY TRAFFIC. Just sayin'.)

And I'm gearing up to wear a swimsuit. Please send me the mental fortitude to deal with the idea of people seeing me in a swimsuit ... because I am NOT in shape like I was when I was a teenager. Also, I am so pasty-white that I practically glow in the dark. ... However, since I colored my hair (red), it's rather fitting for that. But still ... I don't like being in a swimsuit in front of people so much. I like swimming and playing in the water too much to let it stop me ... but, oh, goodness. First world problems, amirite?

And we need to get an oil change and vacation is coming up fast and ... oh, I think my brain is going to explode and leak out my ears. Until we head off ... then I'll be okay. It's just that I'm bad with anticipation. It apparently freaks me out. So I live in denial until it's too late ... I freak out and try to get everything done ... and then I can have a good time.

It's exactly what I do when I gear up for a performance.
Fun times, right?

Weighing in ... but not in physical-type weight...

So ... I went on a bit of a limb, Facebook-wise ...

And I had the indigestion to prove it.
(Go fig, I can sing on a stage in front of hundreds of people without much issue. But state my opinion/beliefs? Yeah ... Not the most effective missionary, huh?)

So, I posted this --

http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2013/03/simplify-my-thoughts-on-marriage.html

I think this sums up most of how I feel on this issue. I love my brothers and sisters, regardless of lifestyle ... or any other form of difference. 
I may not be at my most eloquent right yet ... so bear with me, please.
I could talk about how allowing the courts to decide who is or is not allowed to marry is NOT something that I could support (Seriously, do we really trust our courts that much? When people get awarded millions for spilling coffee on themselves or having to eat dog food when they get stuck in a house they BROKE INTO?). (See also: http://www.christianpost.com/news/gay-marriage-social-experimentation-and-legal-precedent-92041/)

I do believe that our homosexual brothers and sisters should have all the rights that a married heterosexual couple have, under a civil union. I believe that they shouldn't be bullied for having same-sex attraction.

I also believe, as this blog states, that God still loves us all and, ergo, speaks to all His children today.
That He knows best.
That He's expressed an opinion.

I support the leaders of the church (who've also said that we need to show so, so much love to ALL children of our Heavenly Father. And that, just because someone might do something or act in a way contrary to the commandments, it is NO EXCUSE to treat them with anything other than the love that Jesus Christ has for all of us).

I wish I knew of some easy and fast fix that would result in everyone being happy. I was hoping that recognized civil unions might be it ... Apparently it's all or nothing. Which tears at my heart, to be honest.

I understand that not all of us see eye-to-eye on this. And that's one of the great things about having agency and the ability to choose for ourselves. I respect your opinion on this whole issue. Like I've said, I feel torn about it. Part of me sees it like Queen Victoria's quote (about not scaring the horses). But, there's also the fact that I can't go against what I know is true. It wouldn't be honest to myself or God.

And don't be speaking about how "my God" is a god of hate. He's not. If you want to know what has been said lately, go here (instead of taking other people's words for it. Would you take a cat person's opinion about dogs at total and complete fact? Really?): http://www.mormonsandgays.org/
(Spoiler: The main message is "Love One Another." Not "we hate everyone who is different.")

 And, even though a good deal of my friends are LDS, I know that I have a lot who aren't.
And, even among the LDS friends I have, there are some that don't share my exact opinion on things.
And I can handle that ... Life would be BORING if everyone was exactly the same.

Most of the comments that I got were decent and sharing an opinion that differed in some bit.
(One idea that I am totally in favor of -- Let EVERYONE get civil unions that offer all the protections of a currently-defined marriage. THEN, those who want a church-ordained marriage can have one in addition. Like how England demands that EVERYONE get married in the Church of England. Then, for LDS couples, they go to the temple to be sealed. I think this would be suitable and satisfy the majority.)

However, one of my friends (I like him. He's smart and he's funny. I respect his opinion ... though, as you'll see, we don't see eye-to-eye on everything. Also, I like him even though he doesn't care at all for C.S. Lewis. But, well, it takes all kinds.) lambasted my post. He said that since The Church was at all involved with Prop 8, that it should have its tax-exempt status revoked. He was ... harsher than I would have anticipated.

I don't LIKE to upset my friends.
It sucks to have an opinion that others (in general) mock.
I'm NOT a homophobe ... I like PEOPLE. And I don't think that people should be classified solely by what they choose to do with their sexual organs. Heck, I don't really CARE what one chooses to do with one's equipment. As long as you are relatively kind and have some semblance of a sense of humor, I'm totally on your team!

A FOAF (friend of a friend) put it really well on Facebook:

Here are my thoughts on gay marriage. Please try not to get offended and try to see where I am coming from. 
I think this argument started a long long time ago when marriage became more political and about property than it is about what God set it up to be. According to the Bible, God set up marriage as a three way covenant between man, woman and God. I don't think this definition of marriage would interest many gay couples. But when marriage became political it became about rights, and the three way covenant was pushed aside. I, and I am pretty sure a huge majority of LDS members, agree that all people should have equal rights regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or gender. We have said many times that we have no problem giving them those rights in a civil union. But marriage, which used to be Gods, has already been taken and belongs to government. So of course religious people are getting upset when you take a core belief of theirs and change and reinterpret it as something it was never meant to be. A lot of this mess is our fault (traditional religionists) because we let the covenant of marriage leave the faith world and enter the political and now we are trying to get it back too late.

Now I have been too long winded to express how much I love and admire many of my gay and lesbian friends. I do not think I am above them or better than them in any way. I do want them to have all the rights I do. But it is difficult for me to understand how a person can think a gay lifestyle is okay and still believe in the Bible. And then, it is difficult for me to understand how one can believe in the Bible and still feel it is okay to make a covenant with God in a way that He has clearly stated is wrong and not have it feel like mockery. Let me be clear that I know that no one, especially me, is perfect and follows Christ perfectly. But doing something wrong and calling it wrong is different that calling it right.

The bottom line is, I don't think government has a right to have ANY say in marriage at all but we have already let it get its sticky fingers on it. I hope we can find a solution that works for everyone.
Now I have been too long winded to express how much I love and admire many of my gay and lesbian friends. I do not think I am above them or better than them in any way. I do want them to have all the rights I do. But it is difficult for me to understand how a person can think a gay lifestyle is okay and still believe in the Bible. And then, it is difficult for me to understand how one can believe in the Bible and still feel it is okay to make a covenant with God in a way that He has clearly stated is wrong and not have it feel like mockery. Let me be clear that I know that no one, especially me, is perfect and follows Christ perfectly. But doing something wrong and calling it wrong is different that calling it right. 
The bottom line is, I don't think government has a right to have ANY say in marriage at all but we have already let it get its sticky fingers on it. I hope we can find a solution that works for everyone.

I think that she's put it beautifully ... and yes, marriage has now been (for far too long) bastardized into some political/property thing.
But ... at its heart and creation, it's a covenant between a man, a woman, and God.

I have no problem, myself, with homosexual couples.
It's not like they're schtupping in front of me ... Therefore, it's none of my business.

(I have the same opinion in regards to people who have premarital sex. It's not what we've been commanded to do. BUT, they're still children of God. Most all of them are wonderful people. As long as they're not schtupping in front of me or my kids? It's not an issue that I'm going to focus on. I have enough sins of my own ... I'll work on those first.)

I also like how Eli over at It Gets Stranger covered his take on the issue: http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/03/about-that.html

I have friends who identify as homosexual or even bisexual. It doesn't bother me.
I have no issues with homosexual couples ... I think that Neil Patrick Harris and his partner or George Takei and his partner or Ellen DeGeneris and her partner (the girl from Arrested Development) are all adorable and wonderful people. I would love to have any of them as neighbors and/or personal friends.

I think, though, that this marriage discussion is broken.
I do want a solution that can make most everyone happy.
I just don't know how that's going to happen ... and maybe it won't happen until Christ comes again.

Oh ... and when people go and quote random laws from Leviticus and Deuteronomy as proof of how dumb those laws are and why aren't folks up in arms about THOSE laws instead of just being upset about same sex marriage?
Well, IF one reads the New Testament, the reason we don't follow those laws is the same as why we, as Christians, eat pork and shellfish.
The Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ fulfilled the law of Moses.
Christ gave us a higher law to follow ... Those that followed Moses were incapable of following these laws at the time (That's why Moses had to go get the ten commandments ... and why they had to wander in the desert for SO. DANG. LONG).
So ... yeah.

We do still follow the ten commandments ... but first, we love God and love our neighbors (i.e., EVERYONE. Even if they do stuff that we don't agree with 24/7... Heck, I sometimes do stuff that makes me regret knowing myself. Still have to love myself, though. I am a daughter of God ... and He thinks that I'm lovable.)

Yeah, I just want everything fixed.

Yet ... what am I doing about it?
Besides kvetching on my blog?

Yeah, I just don't know.

I just know that, whoever you are, you deserve to be loved.
And that I do love you ... might not always like what you choose to do ... but you are loved.
Heavenly Father loves you ... and if you choose not to believe in Him, I still love you. So you still are loved.

resulting in disappointment

So ... I'm going to buck up, put on my big girl panties, and deal with it.

But ... I'm a bit disappointed in the election results.

I had hoped that Romney would be elected. Because, really, his stances on most issues are the closest to mine.

And, really, Obama hasn't kept all that many of the campaign promises he made last year. I'm still HELLA irritated that Obamacare was passed without us knowing what all is really in it. So much for transparency.
(Though, as Michael pointed out, if Obama repealed NCLB [No Child Left Behind], I'd probably feel better.)

But, I had also hoped that if Romney had been elected, that this country would start knowing that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aren't all just crazy, polygamous, women-hating cultists who have horns and worship a guy from New York ... or a flaming lizard. (No, really, I hear the most interesting theories about my religion sometimes.

And people would know that we're not Amish, either.

Most of the other state issues went with how I voted ... So I can feel better about that.

Michael and I did our best to vote almost every single incumbent out ... unless we had a very good reason to keep one in. But I don't think we did.

Seriously, how Congress has been all "If you people don't like what we're doing and approve our pay raises and all, we're going to CUT [Medicare/Veteran Benefits/Education Spending/Etc.]!!!!!" ... and that just pisses me off.

My mom and I agree that The House and Senate should NOT be allowed to vote for their own pay raises.
We also are of the opinion that their benefits should be completely cut ... they should be required to have the same health/life insurance that is available to the public. And their paychecks should be much more similar, too.

Heck, I'm all for Benjamin Franklin's stance on what Congress should be paid ... It should be done by volunteers. Seriously ... this way, after four years, they would be ready to reenter the work force. They'd do it out of the goodness of their hearts, out of real concern for their constituents.

But, yeah ... like they're going to actually do that.

Man, I am feeling really jaded about politics ... and I had hoped that, after the election, I could feel happy about it. But, not really ... I mostly feel tired. And disappointed ...

... but, well, I can feel better that, with the popular vote, it was PRETTY DARN CLOSE.

It would have been lots worse if Romney had lost by a complete landslide.

It'll be interesting to see what the next four years have in store ... I sure hope that gas prices go down.
And, if we're going to be fined/taxed for my not having health insurance, I hope that they actually get health insurance prices to go WAY down. (Seriously, health insurance has not gotten ANY more affordable since 2008. Wasn't that part of Obamacare??)

But, yeah ... I'm mostly just really tired of this all.

About half the people on Facebook are gloating that their guy win. The other half are lamenting the state of the nation, foreseeing calamity and destruction just around the corner. There are a few who are being graceful losers (and a few graceful winners) ... but those are pretty few and far between.

I am thinking that I'm just not going to post anything about it.
I mean, yeah, I'm disappointed ... but ... it's not like my saying anything about it would change anything.

Of course, I almost feel that my vote was wasted ... which sucks.
Especially when there are too many outspoken people on facebook (bloggers that I follow, not personal friends ... well, most of them), who claim that voting for Romney is voting for a man who hates women, liberty, and is the devil incarnate who would pander only to corporations and eat the young of the lower-classes while bathing in the blood of puppies. Or something to that effect.

I was really hoping that he'd win and get the country in better shape within the next two years (as opposed to four years without much as-promised change), just to shut those nay-sayers up.

I just want results. And I want them NOW. I want gas prices and health insurance and cost of living DOWN. I want people to HAVE jobs and security. I want our nation to be self-sufficient. I want higher education to be affordable. I think that we should subsidize the arts, like they do in Europe. I think that prisons should be places of punishment, not vacation homes (seriously, if WE can't afford to have a weight room or cable, neither should murderers, rapists, or puppy-kickers). I think that we should punish rapists and child abusers more. I think that the banks that put our country into this mess should pay back the money we gave them, with a FREAKING DECENT INTEREST RATE, and start doing what they promised -- loaning money so that we have GROWTH happening and jobs available!! I think we should start taxing companies prohibitively who outsource jobs overseas (because, face it ... money talks. If we get it so that keeping jobs HERE has a positive effect on their bottom lines, companies will DO IT). I think, that if people are so concerned about weight management, we should subsidize gym memberships (or, at least, exercise equipment). I think that we should implement more public transit. I think that libraries are even MORE vital to communities during a recession, and their funding should be supplemented, not cut. I think that all public servants should save their districts/states money by only allowing room/board and basic needs to be covered by taxpayer money ... the rest they do through their own savings and concern for their constituents. I think the we need to start getting it so that people on welfare can get OFF welfare. It needs to be a temporary measure. Once people are able to take care of themselves, they'll have more self-respect and be more involved in what THEY can do ... as opposed to what the county/country can do for THEM.

I mean, really, is that so much to ask?

... Don't answer that. I don't think I could take it today.

My thoughts on the royal wedding

I caught a few pictures of Kate's dress. She looks beautiful. As always.

I sure hope that William's as similar to his mother in temperment as well as in looks. If so, their marriage has a chance of success. (Mom and I talked, while she was up, about Charles and Diana's marriage. What a tragedy that ended up. And Fergie's, too. ... Sarah Ferguson, who is also a darling lady.)

I loved this link that a friend posted on facebook: WhyAmericansShouldCareAboutTheRoyalWedding

... I remember, back when I was ... um ... thirteen or so?
I saw pictures of the princes. And, since every little girl wants to be a princess, I thought about marrying one of them. William's always been handsome, but ... I dunno. Too mainstream? ... And Harry's too young for my tastes. So, from an early age, I knew that they weren't my princes.
(And, really? Could they hold a candle to my man? H to the no!)

I'm glad that the wedding went well, apparently. (I wasn't waking up at ungodly-early-o'clock to watch it. And I don't really care to see it. ... Though, from a picture at Too Sexy For My Wand, Rowan Atkinson was in attendance. I was tickled by that. He's pretty dang amazing.)

I hope that they have a happy marriage. And that they break from the current mold and stay faithful to each other.
(Seriously??? Charles, if you really didn't love Diana enough to stay faithful, you shouldn't have married her in the first place. You could have abdicated, Camilla could have gotten a divorce and run off with you. ... But, really? At the same time, your only hope of having such attractive children? Well, yeah. You can see where I'm going with that. Sorry, it's catty. But ... it is my opinion. And I'm not always the kindest. ... But, really ... if being the future king was more important to you, you should have stayed faithful to your wife. Or you should have sacrificed the throne and run off with Camilla before shackling poor Diana into such a sham of a marriage. Based on your past examples of such selfish and careless behavior, I'm GLAD that the government is mostly in the hands of Parliament. Seriously, little kinglet, you blew it. Di wouldn't have strayed if you had actually, you know, treated her like you CARED about her at all. ... It would have saved a lot of heartbreak. And possibly her life.  Just sayin'.)

Before that debacle, I might have really taken an interest in modern-day British royalty.
I guess that most of my interest died out with the Prince Regent and Beau Brummel. (Those clothes? *drools* All the manners? Yeah, I'm a bit of a geek for that.)

Still, I hope that William and Kate -- even while living under the magnifying glass -- are happy. And stay happy. I hope that they treasure each other. Every day.
And that no one cheats and that no one dies tragically.
Y'know, more like A Midsummer Night's Dream. As opposed to Hamlet.

Okay. I'm going to go paint my nails. And get a shower.

Birthday Backlog ...

Okay ... so I've now had some time to get used to the idea that I'm now ... THIRTY.

It's rather a milestone. I mean, sure it's the oldest I've ever been ... but it sounds so ... final, you know?
Maybe it's just me.

But, truly? I don't feel any different.

Let's see....

Mom got me clothes (shirts and a skirt that arrived the other day). She also took the kids out and got me a DVD holder/shelf/thing that I put together and stuffed the rest of the kids' DVDs into. It's nice to have around 200 DVDs out of the Entertainment center into a shelf/thing so they can SEE what shows they have.

Mom and Dad Cox gave me a gift card to Barnes and Nobles. (Need to use that ... since you all are aware of my addiction. ^_^ Not denying it.)

Nana and Grampy both sent me checks (which I FINALLY cashed) ... and have spent ... on books and at Bath and Body Works (Cherry Vanilla and Country Chic, in case you wondered).

Julie gave me money. And she and I had gotten our nails done together.
(I just removed my pedicure polish a couple days ago. My toes are now Revlon "Opulent Pink"... bought on a Kmart clearance. Since that's how I roll. ... I've done two different manicures to myself this last week. Now, my nails are also Opulent Pink ... except my ring fingers are FingerPaints "Key to My Art" [gold].)

My Visiting Teacher brought me flowers. My RS president left a gift bag -- water bottle, gloves, and Alyssum  seeds.

Dad and L gave me money ... which I've spent. Nail polish, fast food, lotion and body spray at Victoria's Secret, various bits.

Bri and I are going to get together and work some magic on my hair. Sometime.

But, really, I'm quite spoiled.
We got up Saturday morning (Michael got to sleep in, after his HUGE TEST).
We got ready and headed over to the Verizon store (my Droid was being ... problematic. Had to reset it. And I spent most of the rest of the day, in the car, reloading all my apps as Michael drove).
Then we headed to Eugene, dropped off books at Michael's work (since he had borrowed them for the test), and headed to a couple malls. We walked around 5th Street Market ... I saw lots of stuff I'd like in the kitchen store. Of course, we looked at The Elephant's Trunk (toy store).
Then we went to the Valley River Mall ... free samples at See's (the pineapple cream??? YUM!), bought a package of Little Pops (easier for sharing with the kiddos) ... and walked around. (And I popped into VS and bought some [HIGHLY DISCOUNTED, since that's how I roll] lotion and body spray ... Island Escape, so it's "beachy coconut and sugarcane" ... a nice, yummy, summery smell. And, yeah, 75% off. LOVE IT.)

After we got home (and ate Wendy's bacon-cheeseburgers), we watched a DVD from Netflix and relaxed. Then, around 6, we went to Novak's for dinner. Yum!

After dinner (we were too full to FINISH dinner, let alone think about dessert. Such a travesty! :P), we headed over to Target. ... I got two set of Lego Harry Potter -- The Quidditch Match and Dobby's Freedom (complete with Luscious Malfoy.) ... Now, I just REALLY NEED (shut up, it is a need) Diagon Alley (WEASLEY TWINS!!), The Burrow (ARTHUR AND MOLLY WEASLEY! BELLATRIX!), and The Hogwarts Express (RON!!) ... Though, I might kinda need Hargrid's Hut ... since we have the older Hagrid, so he looks jaundiced next to the other Professors.  Just sayin'.

And, YES, the kiddos are VERY. PUT. OUT. that Mommy doesn't let them play with HER Legos.
I have them over the TV, so everyone can LOOK at them. But, no, they don't get to play with them.
I'm mean. I'm perfectly aware. And they kids have gotten used to it. ^_^

But, yes, I had a good birthday. 15 days ago. A good birthday, indeed.

Somewhat productive ...

I'm almost caught up on laundry (just not the folding-or-putting-away-parts).

I had Michael take back the DVDs to the library on his way to his meeting last night.
I had dinner made for him and the kiddos.
Bri and I snacked on GF kettle/carmel corn while we watched Easy A.
(Pop corn in a pot on the stove with some vegetable/canola oil. Stir in brown sugar. Add some salt. YUM!)

And we also spent time watching funny things on YouTube. And talking about P90X, since she's going to buy it.
(Hey, I'm not quite ready for that YET. Once I stop breathing like a whale as I do WiiFit exercises, I'll think about it. And I need to be able to do push-ups. Because there's NO FLIPPIN' WAY I can do pull-ups yet. I know my limitations. And I'm no help to my family if I'm in traction.)

And we went through my iTunes library. And it was a fun visit. I don't hang with my girls a lot anymore. But I'm glad that Bri's and my schedules worked out so well. And that Michael is fine being the testosterone wheel after he gets home from EQ meetings. ^_^ (Thanks, love! I appreciate you!!)

I've gotten caught up on dishes. I have part of a load to do in the dishwasher. But everything else is clean! YAY!

And, oh, but I NEED to get the kiddos dressed for the day.
AND to go through their drawers and get THOSE organized.
I do not know how to describe the expression on my face as I consider this ... but it's not a happy face.
It's more of a gritted-teeth, rolled eyes, looking askance type of face.

Because, I'll admit it.
When I do it ... the kids, Michael, and EVERYONE ELSE who MIGHT be in the house needs to stay outta mah way. Because I need quiet and NO INTERFERENCE.
It's that OCD tendency ... I want these drawers organized. And if ANYONE gets in my way, no matter HOW much I love them ... well, it's not pretty.
I kinda wish that I could totally rearrange their room, somehow ... probably involving a TARDIS, so that there's enough room to have almost all their clothes on hangers that they can reach (to get their clothes AND to put them away). And anything that can't be hung up could go in shallow bins. Like their socks and underoos. Or they could each have one drawer for each type of clothes: shirts, pants, pajamas, summer things ... that sort of thing. Then they could put their clothes away in some type of organization.
INSTEAD OF JUST SHOVING A PILE INTO THEIR DRAWERS AND THEN WHINING TO ME THAT THEY CAN'T FIND THEIR UNDERWEAR!!!!!!


Not that THAT ever would have happened. NooooooooOOOOOooooooooooo. *shifty eyes*

/rant.

Last night, after I put the kids to bed, Bruise REALLY WANTED to snuggle with someone. It wasn't going to be me [or Bri, either] (because Easy A? NOT appropriate for my babies. Just saying). Couldn't be Michael, since he was at his meeting. And Bucket didn't want to. "Because then I'll be up ALL NIGHT!" was her reasoning. Heh.

So I told him that I loved him. And that, if they both went to sleep RIGHT NOW, I'd make them waffles in the morning. (Not a bribe. They had to EARN this.)

I made waffles. Because I honor my promises to the kiddos.

I also have showered and gotten dressed. I am debating on putting on much makeup today.
Because, really? My skin's looking pretty good. No new zits. And the one that WAS lurking? Decided to die down.
(WHAT?? No, really! I was amazed, too!)
I still have some red spots from ones that are healing ... and my eyes look tired. And I wouldn't say no to some mascara. But, really? I don't look too shabby at all.

Which, considering the fact that I JUST had angry bees in my head? I can't believe that I feel so charitable towards my appearance.
I mean, really, as I was about to get in the shower yesterday, I took a look at myself and was all, "You know, for what all I've put my body through ... I don't look bad at all."

(And then the little voice inside my head was all, "*triple-take* Whaaaa? ... Oh, yeah. Not bad at all. I mean, there could be improvement. But, you're right.")

Truly? I'm a little freaked out. But Michael should be happy.
And I hope it lasts. Because maybe it'll be easier to be motivated to work out and eat smaller portions and healthier foods if it's not accompanied by a huge serving of self-loathing and guilt.

Still, I'll totally admit that I'm so glad to see in video clips and in movies that even skinny girls have upper arms that are a little flabby. It makes me accept myself a little more.
And, really? I totally respect that Kate Winslet is against being photoshopped. And that she speaks out when magazines do it to her.

I haven't seen all of "Killing Us Softly," a documentary about how advertising uses and affects women.

But what I've seen ... I agree with. And it's not the first place that I've heard and read about it.

So, now I find myself reading and watching advertisements much more critically. If I don't see ANY pores on a model's nose or cheeks? I find myself being a LOT more skeptical of claims.
Because, really, being ham-handed with an airbrush or Photoshop? Not proving product claims to me. Unless, of course, this company is going to send someone to photoshop ME in real life. (Didn't think so.)

At the same time, though, I have to remember that making women feel bad about themselves, their skin, their features, their weight ... this is how a lot of these companies sell products.
If I ever went into advertising, I hope that I'd be good enough to create ad campaigns that would make people feel good for using the products. And not fill them with self-loathing.
This is why I do like a lot of the Dove advertisements.
And, for the most part, Garnier does focus on the positive. Or on product claims/science.

But, honestly? I'd LOVE to see advertisements and fashion week filled with a huge proprtion of average people. The ones who aren't size 0-4. The ones that aren't completely toned or slim-hipped.
I'd love to see how these designers can make people like ME look.

It's easy to make a model look like ... well, a model.
I would LOVE to see these designers step up to the challenge.

Like I've mentioned, Betsey Johnson did this with her Pink Tag line at Fashion Week this year.
She had friends and employees model the pieces.

Aren't these girls darling?

Now I know that I would look good in this outfit!
If it were on a size 0 girl, I wouldn't even look twice!

Yes! A pregnant woman!
And she looks wonderful!

Is it just me, or does her face look kinda like Reese Witherspoon?
If I ever wore strapless dresses, I'd consider this one.

I like that you don't HAVE to have washboard abs to show some midriff.
And they look like they're having FUN in these clothes.

This gal is ADORABLE.
And I really hate rompers. ... But those boots? ... SO tempting. ^_^

Now, don't they look nice??

There is still the problem that Johnson's clothes aren't made over a size 12.
Still, as the article over at About.com says, there were some stylists in the audience who appeared to be trying to not show their abject horror at these regular-Janes working it on the catwalk.
Why the shock? These are all beautiful ladies! And, really, it's a much more honest look at the type of people that will be wearing designer clothes. We're not all slim and tall.

I'm average height. AND I'm not slim. I'm obese. ... And even when I WAS at the healthy BMI, my boobs made it hard to find things that fit well. As much as I love the LOOK of a button-up shirt, I had to face that if I wanted one, either it'd fit my waist OR the girls. NOT BOTH.

And then, after I gained weight, I just learned to hate shopping for clothes.

(Shopping for shoes? Make-up? Accessories? Those are all FINE. They don't fill me with (1)self-loathing, (2)depression, or (3) MURDEROUS RAGE that designers seem to think there is only ONE AND TRUE body type ... therefore I am a complete freak of nature and should just wrap myself up in sheets, since CLOTHES obviously aren't made to fit mutants like me. And then I should probably hide under a rock and scare children with my hideous size 16 self, with my ample chest and zaftig, hourglass figure.

Yes, there's a reason I don't like shopping for clothes. And it's not JUST because I'm cheap. (Though, that IS a factor. ... Really, a shirt and skirt can run around $40. FOR ONE OUTFIT!!! ... With $40, I could get a basket full of make-up or cheap DVDs. I could buy BOOKS!! LIKE, FIVE OR EIGHT BOOKS! OR more, if I'm at a used book store, even.)

And, with my size, it's difficult to get stuff that fits at resale places. Unless I want to solely dress in baggy things that don't look good anyways.

Yes, I'm picky. I'm vain enough that I WANT to look good, to show off my figure to its best advantage.
And, really? A muu'muu isn't going to do that. (I'm not knocking muu'muu dresses. They have their time and place. And, really, my hair isn't right for them most times. I need big hair to go with a big dress. Or else I look like a little head stuck on a huge dress. Yes, I have issues.)

Still, until I manage to get myself back to a healthier weight, hating my body/myself isn't doing anyone any good. I've had YEARS of experience ... and it's not had any good results.

So, I'm going to DEAL with the fact that my body is NOT that of a model's. And that, even so, I have every right to be pretty, to look good, to like how I look in clothes and out. That my face and my hair don't HAVE to be my best features. That I am deserving of clothes that make me look and feel good.

Sorry, Michael ... I think that I need to buy another Sunday skirt or two. Until I fit into the new black one I bought last year. I can wait for a while, though. But the desire is there.

Some People's Children ... (SCAM WARNING)

So, I got a call a few minutes ago ... telling me that I won a $5,000 grant from the U.S. Government.
Because I'm such an upstanding citizen (i.e., I pay my taxes and haven't declared bankruptcy).

A grant that I never applied for.

And, really? My father-in-law works for the IRS. They're not giving out money willy-nilly.
(They want what they are owed. If you pay more, let them know. They'll give it back. If YOU didn't catch the error in their favor, they probably won't look for it either.)

So, yeah ... if you're contacted to call 202-621-0644, be aware it's probably a scam.

I looked online (as I went through the proper channels of reporting this to the FTC [Federal Trade Commission ... we ARE on the Do Not Call list. And have been since it came out.] and our state Attorney General) and I'm not the only one they've called.

The people who HAVE called back to give Elzina Jones ("my accountant" was what I was told by the man on the phone) their grant approval code? They've been asked for their bank routing number. Or have been told to make a donation ... anywhere from $300-575 ... before they can get "their" grant money.

When someone asked how they could be sure this wasn't a grant, they were told to call 202-621-0600, which didn't work.

So, yeah. Just wanted to let you know.

(Yeah, I'm feeling kinda cantankerous and punchy today. So I was TOTALLY READY to be doing some legal-type paperwork. Bring it, scammers. I'm smart enough to RECOGNIZE a scam when I hear one ... AND I'm internet-savvy enough to know how to search for what to DO about it. Bring it. I will bring you down. And THEN I'll blog about it. )

(Though, honestly? I'd rather have the $5,000. ... But, *sigh* since that's not even REAL, I'll settle for a little internet-vigilante justice. Along with completely-through-legal-channels justice.)

Yeah. Just call me SuperLlanna -- slayer of spammy scams.

If you need me, I'll be working out my costuming ideas.
Until I get in total shape, I'm eschewing spandex.

Do you think that sweats and a ponytail would be too stereotypical?
... If I can get my hair to stay in a ponytail. It is a little short at present ... Hmmmm.

The rest of the weekend ...

So, after Saturday afternoon, Bucket did throw up a couple more times.

And she did throw up once yesterday (Monday) afternoon.

Michael's home sick. He went to work, felt absolutely awful, collected his paycheck, and came home so he could throw up in peace.

Yup, we've got the puke chronicles happening here.
---------------------

The kids LOVE swim lessons. In fact, we'll be going to the pool in a few. Good stuff.
Maybe today they'll actually put their faces in the water. Nine lessons to go to get that one done.

------------------------------

I "discovered" fanfic this weekend. Blame DeviantArt.

No, it's not Twilight fanfic.

It's LABYRINTH fanfic.

I am pitiful.

But I also figured out one reason why I had the HARDEST TIME with relationships ...

Look at the literary/cinematical men that I idolized:

• Edward Rochester - Brooding, passionate, lives a comfortable lifestyle ... ^_^
• Wesley - Becomes a pirate and saves his love from a marriage she doesn't want ... He FENCES!! He survives the machine!! He says, "As you wish" ... He loves her even when she's the most insufferable brat to be imagined!!! *sighs and places hand on heart. Sighs again*
• Jareth - Can we just say "rawr?" Forget the tight leggings ... it's not about that. It's the fact that he is the total epitome of obsession and ... yeah. He defies total explanation ... And he created a GORGEOUS dress for Sarah ... and, oh, how he holds her and leads in that dance ... It's so purposeful and ... yeah. *fans self*
• Gilbert Blythe - *melty grin* He's just so GOOD. ... After the whole "Carrots" episode when Anne first comes to Green Gables. He's so patient and kind and unselfish ... He GETS her. Enough so that she starts to get herself ... 

And that's just a start to the heroes (and anti-heroes) that shaped my warped world view. ^_^

Is it really any wonder that I spent (far too many of) my formative years with my nose buried in books or watching the classics (like Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, Sabrina [the one with Bogart. NOT Ford.] ... and, of course, the Disney cannon).

That and listening to The Phantom of the Opera ... and totally relating to Eponine's unrequited love in Les Miserables.

Truly, it's amazing that I'm this well adjusted.
(It was quite a shock, really, when [FINALLY] I liked a guy and he *GASP!* actually liked me back!!!!!)
(Even more shocking when a guy actually liked me enough to marry me!! I mean, me!!!  -- I was really more than resigned to my inevitable future of becoming a crazy cat lady, living in a Victorian-style house, with 98 cats. ... Since 99 would just be too many.)

Yes, I had an .... interesting ... childhood. Yes. You could definitely say that.

Okay. Enough blathering about that. ...

---------------------

So, besides browsing around DeviantArt and devouring Labyrinth fanfic (DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!), what else has happened?

Had a meeting Sunday evening after church. We have a great bunch of women working in the Young Women's program.

Bucket didn't throw up Sunday night. PHEW. Since we really needed sleep.
(She did throw up Monday evening. Just the once.)

The kids started swim lessons yesterday (Monday). They LOVE it. Yay!
I took TONS of pictures yesterday ... and a few today. They're having fun. I can't believe how big they're getting. It's crazy.

I chat with another mom there. Her son's in the class after Bruise and Bucket's class ... her daughter is too young for classes right now ... but that girl ... I'm totally envious of her hair. It's SOOOOOO cute! Those tight spiral curls. ADORABLE!!
(Okay, it's not envy ... I don't know that I could pull off that awesome hair. But I'm happy for her that HER hair curls so well. ^_^)

Michael came home sick yesterday. He's still not feeling great, so he's home today. Which gives me the opportunity to run out and get an errand done. Phew. And I can try and do some Visiting Teaching without having the kids in tow.

I did have to go grocery shopping by myself (the kids were napping and Michael was REALLY feeling poorly) ... but I got everything I needed. And I found castor oil so that I can see if it works at clearing up my face a little. 

It's been SO hot. I don't like walking and finding myself sweating. I still have not found the joy of sweating (another reason that I'm not in good shape --- since you tend to sweat when you exercise and all. *sigh*).

The kids enjoyed swim lessons today ... and I got together with one of my friends (who happens to be my Visiting Teaching companion) which is always fun. And I feel all grown up, since I'm going to try something new (and painful) ... I'll let you know how having someone experienced doing the waxing compares to doing it yourself (which, in my case, is rather ineffectual and can leave one with bleeding follicles. :S Yes, I am a delicate flower. Who gives pretty much full disclosure. :P)

Still, the place that I'm going to came recommended to me by a friend. So, since Michael's back to working (and being paid) for a 40-hour week, we're splurging this month. Wish me luck!!

In other news, I am behind on the dishes and general housework ... because I (being a complete dork, of course) spent most of yesterday poring over Labyrinth fanfic (Yes, I did have to check with the Google to see if it was "poring over" or "pouring over" ... I love the internet. ^_^ ... Even if it contains fanfic that wastes hours of my day. Oops.)

And, really, that's about all that's been going on.

New Year's Goals -- Progress (and the lack thereof)

1. I am doing a little better on reading my scriptures and praying. I have a testimony that it's important ... so I should better really make it a habit that I don't have to THINK about, huh?
2. My computer is running. The monitor ... not so healthy. But, hey! I'm on the internet, I have most of the programs that I desperately want loaded on it. Now, to back-up EVERYTHING every month (or every couple of weeks. JUST so that I don't freak out when this ever happens again.) ... And to save up for a new computer. And a netbook. And an iTouch. Since I love me some technology.
3. I still need to review all the YW manuals and guidelines. I'm going to get on that.
4. I need to set up my VT appointments. But I've read the lesson. That's something, right?
5. I have not worked out at ALL, really. Any exercise that I've gotten has been purely accidental. Like cleaning the house or walking around the zoo. I haven't turned on an exercise DVD or anything. :(
6. My house IS loads cleaner. I do have a plan for the dinner calendar for last week and this week. I've been doing the FLYlady daily missions.
7. I haven't done anything about Bruise or Bucket's baby books. Or Gingi's grave marker. I'm not doing the 365 photo project. I haven't given a thought to NaNoWriMo (well, one thought. A totally different plot point. Which will lead me to sobbing when I'm writing it. Because I'm a sentimental idiot. But I can handle that. It'll be cleansing and ... well, hopefully, it won't be complete drivel. We'll see.
8. I've done one of the book reviews that I needed to do. One more. Then I can get a new book. The one downside of this book reviewing is that my choices are so limited. The options are often nothing that I've had on my TBR list. But that's not a bad thing, really.
9. We still need to attend the temple this month.

Yeah, I know that we're only two weeks into (and not even quite THAT yet) 2010 and I'm worried about my progress in my goals. Yup, sick in the head.

Heck, it's NOON and I've still not showered or picked up the photos that I have waiting at the store (so I can give them to my Nana when she comes to visit tomorrow). *sigh* I had best get on all that.

*sigh* I can do it. ^_^

Do1NiceThing

Today I registered to be a potential bone marrow donor. (Honey, I hope that's okay. Sorry that I didn't ask you first. I'm headstrong like that. :P)

But I was reading last week in an old Readers' Digest magazine that my mom had passed onto us ... and there was an address for Do1NiceThing (www.doonenicething.com).

And, well ... to put it bluntly, I can feel guilt for having nice things. I mean, I really have a LOT to be thankful for. Things that I really do take for granted: a wonderful husband, great (usually) kids, a healthy family, I don't have to work outside the home, we have a house, we have two vehicles, we have running water and electricity, we have a working computer (just the one for right now, but STILL!) ... I mean, compared to, what, 90% of the world's population, even though I can't just go out and buy a new wardrobe at the drop of a hat (or a debit card), I'm sitting really pretty.

I have a family that is healthy. My kids don't have cancer. I have not outlived any of my children.

That's a huge blessing.

And ... well, like nearly any American woman who grew up during the 90s, I've read Lurlene McDaniel books. I KNOW that not every child is healthy. Heck, there are adults with cancer or other diseases ... And I'm healthy.

Even though sometimes I feel a bit guilty because, compared to lots and lots of other people, I have things ... easier.

And, because I really am grateful for the things that I DO have, I feel ... not OBLIGATED, per se ... but that I SHOULD and DO need to help out in what little ways that I can.

If we had more money, I'd definitely be doing some of those kiva.org loans. I'd give a larger fast offering. I'd donate to the Perpetual Education Fund. I'd love to buy some families a cow or something awesome from Heifer International. ...

But, since I do not have all those funds at my disposal, I do try to do some cool things. And, over at Do1NiceThing, they have a list of some that I really like. TheHungerSite allows you to click daily, and for each click, the sponsors donate money or food to those in need. (There are also the sister sites for breast cancer (donating mammograms), literacy (books), animal rescue (food for animals), child health (to cover costs for kids' healthcare), and rainforest (to help conserve that resource).) FreeRice will donate 10 grains of rice for each question (in the subjects of art, geography, languages, chemistry, and math ... you choose your subject) you get right. Xerox has jumped on the wagon of doing cool things with their site, LetsSayThanks, where you can select a postcard and message to send to U.S. Military personnel who are serving overseas.

I know that these are small things. Little things. And most of them only take a minute (though I have, at times, spent about an hour at FreeRice). But ... it makes me feel a little bit better. I like knowing that even though these things barely cost me any time or effort ... they will help someone to feel better or get well.

Speaking of, I need to donate blood the next time the blood drive's around. Yes, it does take more time (and planning ... now that I have my munchkins. I don't know that they'll be quite ready to sit with me as I lose about a pound. Though, come to think about it, when they CAN sit for that long, I should just bring them with me. ^_^) ... but it isn't hard (unless I almost pass out again. I hate it when I do that. *sigh*). And one pint of blood can help up to three people. I mean, that's pretty cool, right?

(Besides, I have some kinda funny donating-blood stories! If you really want me to relate them, just let me know, okay? I'm willing. Some are slightly more ... not quite embarrassing ... but they are kinda funny.)

I mean, it'd be pretty awesome if I WERE a superhero and could totally change the world so that everyone had clean water and enough money to ... I don't know ... keep a roof over his/her family's heads. And take a family vacation or something. And never have to worry about how to pay for their food or bills.

(Or heck, if I could just be all, "Okay, you evil-doers! You are going down! And all your resources are belong to us!" And then I could redistribute everything more fairly. But that's not how it works. Because, face it, I might use part of my portion to buy shoes and books before paying off the credit cards or something like that. ... Okay, I'm not quite giving myself the credit I deserve ... but people shouldn't be FORCED to do good things. They should do it because they WANT to. I'm just sayin'.)

Yeah ... that's most of what's going on around here. Some good things with a large serving of guilt on the side. Hey, that's how I roll. :P

Back to better ...

So, now it's time for a happier post. (I know, I know. I've taken my sweet time about it. Sorry!)

Now, I don't have tons and tons to share, since I haven't been going through all my usual blogs.

Truly, I've mostly just been hanging on Facebook, playing games and more games (Good news: in Calvin Coconut Island, I've finally managed to build an iron mine, a rock quarry, and the Blue Water Bungalows ... which, unless you play the game, means NOTHING. ^_^ ... But, if you want a low-key game where you own an ISLAND, you should totally start playing it. I like it. ^_^)

This just proves how strange I am ... but I really enjoy videos of Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo ... there are lots of videos on YouTube. Men dancing as ballerinas (not as ballerinos). They make me laugh. When I was in college, they came and performed at WOU ... but I didn't go, since it sounded really strange. Totally regret that. :(

And here are some decently-silly links --

• There's a website called "Emails from Crazy People"
  This one (No Pets Clause) is probably my favorite thus far.
  This is one (Gary- Landlord of the Flies) that was around before the site started. And ... wow. Makes me SO glad that we're not renting anymore. (Start from the last page, it's in reverse chronological order. And there's LANGUAGE and general insanity. Just warning you.)
• This is a site that's not the easiest to browse through its archives ... but Funny Exams is full of ... funny exams.
• Here are some Funny Wedding Photos ... none of them are from my wedding. (We had some funny pictures ... most of them are other people being funny. I was mostly trying not to pass out. Silly me! I'm making sure that when Bucket gets married, she at least has a smoothie or something more than a packet of fruit snacks. I'm just saying.)
• And here's a company with a good sense of humor about messing up: Company Apologizes, Hilairously, For Mail Merge Screw-up (Consumerist). It made me smile. And want to do business with them, since it seems like they're genuinely cool people.

Interesting news stuffs:

• The BMI Scale is pretty bogus ... and why we still use it. (NPR)
  (I mean, we kinda know it's bogus because, face it, we want to have mostly muscle ... but we're penalized on the BMI scale if we have too much. [Okay, YOU might be, because I don't have a whole, whole lot of muscle. Wish I did, though.])
• Purdue has a set of "Compliment Guys" ... crusading to help make people happy.
  Awww! Go them! We need more people like these dudes. And that Free Hugs dude. When I read/hear news like this ... if helps me have more faith in mankind. Yay. ^_^

Cute things:

• Doodlebread.com - You can buy (or just see how they do it) a kit to make a loaf of bread with a picture that shows up on each slice! (They have a cute blog, too.)
• Or, if you don't want to buy that, you can go HERE and learn how to make a loaf of PANDA BREAD (Note: No pandas were injured during the making or consumption of this bread. And GOSH, it's CUTE!)

And ... does it make me a terrible geek that I want to know more and more about this (Squee!! Firefly RPG?? DOUBLE SQUEE!!)?

... I've actually never played any RPG games that weren't video games. Crazy, huh? (Although I LOVE reading Darths and Droids - a SW RPG parody webcomic. If you have the time, start at the beginning. And make sure to read the notes underneath ... for people like me who wouldn't get all the humor of the comic. It's a good one. ^_^)

Michael's played D&D before. And I have a guide to Sailor Moon RPG (I bought it really to get all sorts of information about the characters and the series ... never used it to play, though.) that I bought about a decade ago.

But, yeah ... if you want to play Calvin Coconut Island, add me as a friend there and I'll send you a gift! ^_^

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Other news: Am dealing better. Still miss my cat. Found her OLD collar that she barely every wore. But I have it. And I put together a little necklace that helps me feel a bit better.
I've managed to sleep through the night without waking up to cry since Sunday.

I think that I'm going to try and make a little tag for her ... It'll have her name and lifespan on it. And I might buy this pendant off of etsy to wear with it. I would really like to.
And I really want to make a tile like this to put on her grave.

-------

Okay. Well, that's really all the big news. Besides the fact that it was Taco Tuesday at Jack-in-the-Box yesterday. ... They'll be doing it again next week. So, if you want two free tacos, go to the website and print off your coupons (one per customer/visit ... and here they have you go inside to order. ... but you can feed the family a couple tacos each. Free! You don't have to buy anything to go with it! ... which is pretty cool).

So ... yeah. That's really about it. Hope that you're all having fun (and that's why no one's commenting. It's not that I've driven you all away by not being happy 24/7 ... right? Right? :P)

Two days in a row that I haven't woken up in the middle of the night crying. That's god, right?

I still cry a bit when I am waking up. Or when I think too much. Or when I'm trying to fall asleep.

But not in the middle of the night.

That's progress, right?

Of course, reading through the archives of Overhead In the Ward helps. Very LDS humor ... but, oh-so-so-so funny. It's helped.

Michael and his brother, C, were able to fix the truck today. It only took MAYBE an hour, total. There was just a screw loose where the gasoline was leaking out. *phew* I love that prayer works. Now maybe I'll take Michael up on a blessing to help me deal with life without my Gingi-babe. I mean, I didn't want to ask for too much of Heavenly Father all at once. I mean, not that I had ANY doubts that He could handle everything that I could ever think of to ask for (and more), but my main priority was getting the truck working again. And it is.

(C also fixed a couple of our doors. Pretty awesome. See? This is what I didn't have, being an only child. Having siblings means that you can get people who help you. Nice! ^_^)

So now I can just try and get to that acceptance-and-trying-to-move-on part of my life. Although I can't really get my brain around not having Ginger around. ... And, I know that it's really only temporary ... but it's not fun.
And, yes, I know ... it's not supposed to be.

But, like I've said, I'm not all that great at adapting joyfully to change. As much as I adore President Monson, I STILL miss President Hinckley.

But, for now, I just keep in mind that quote from Sleepless in Seattle: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

And, after a while, I know that I'll stop crying so often, that I'll be able to only remember the happy times, that the hurting will dull away ... and that will be a good day.

It's not today ... but I haven't taken an extra shower just to give me the privacy to cry alone and without worrying about how it's affecting my family. (Seriously, the shower? A great place to cry. You don'thave to worry about everyone overhearing your snifflings, you don't have to go through a box of Kleenex, you get to be alone ... Since I don't have a little cave to crawl to in which I can lick my wounds in private, the shower's the next best thing.)

Today is a little easier than yesterday. And I'm glad for that. I hope that tomorrow will be a little easier still ... and so on and so on and so on.

I may have come across a new way to deal with the whining ... collapse on the floor and say that the whining exhausts you ... and you can even declare that you're dead.
I'll have to see if it continues to work after today.

And, when Bucket repeats and repeats and repeats a request (without waiting for a response in between), I've made a blanket statement that I have to say "No" if she doesn't wait for a response. Because, frankly, I find it ANNOYING AS HELL.

(Yes, I know. Patience is not one of the virtues that I have perfected. ... I've got a long, long way to go. I'm aware.)

But, yeah ... doing better.
I'll try and post soon something FUN and not about how EMO I am and stuff.

Soon. Pinkie-swears!

No love ...

I don't know how many of you have heard about this ... kerfluffle going on with a certain HBO show. One show that is about polygamy and people who practice a religion like unto my own (or our own, for you fellow LDS-ers out there).

Well, if you haven't heard, there's an episode planned (and, apparently, already filmed) which is ... less than full of win.

The Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) has released an official statement, "The Publicity Dilemma," if you care to read it.

I don't watch Big Love. I never have really had the urge (and this is coming from the girl who watched an episode of Dexter ... Hey, I LOVE the book series. Well, not the cussin' so much ... but it's SO well written! ... And the series appears to follow the book pretty well. I can't say that I'm completely in love with the casting for the sister ... but I think that the dude playing Dexter does REALLY well).

I don't plan on watching the episode where they are going to show some semblance of an excommunication and temple ceremonies. I don't think that it's right or classy for them to do this. Especially since they're getting the information from someone who has left the church.
(I mean, really ... does a person seriously investigating and considering an unbiased view of a religion primarily rely on accounts given by people who obviously have issues with said sect? If I were trying to find out about, say, Catholocism, would I take all information given to me from someone who's left that religion without a grain of salt? Wouldn't it be better to discuss doctrine with a contented member of that church? ... It seems like common sense to me ... I don't know, though. I mean, it takes all kinds, right?)

I think that The Church has responded very well in their statement. Yes, because we are a "peculiar people" there will always be some who don't get us, who will rely on stereotypes or caricatures, who will think of "those blankity-blank Mormons" as a bunch of self-righteous, narrow-minded, homely teetotalers.

And they'll be just as mistaken (and, dare I say, a wee bit hypocritical? Yeah, I dare. And I'm a wee bit hypocritical, myself. I try not to be ... but I do try working to be a little more accepting of everyone and their ... quirks, for lack of a better term. ^_^) as people who think that a person's character can be defined solely (or primarily) by their race, nationality, hair color, athletic prowess, or ... shoe size or something.

I'm a bit more of the belief that "pretty is as pretty does." ... Or that one's actions do speak on a level that one's words may not reach. It is ... less than kind/sensitive/compassionate/humane for the writers to SAY that they wouldn't make it about members of The Church ... it appears that they have planned to go ahead and DO just that.

I do, myself, doubt that these writers would try something like this if it were a different sect -- like Catholocism, per se.

I don't think it's classy. Or the wisest of choices.

I could threaten to boycott HBO. ... But I'd have to, first, actually patronize their company. I could write an email to Time-Warner ... but at the same time, I almost wonder if this issue is WORTH making an issue about. How many people WATCH Big Love? How many people really think that it's about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? How many of the people who DO think that are ... well ... I don't mean to be catty, but (as anyone who says that, I'm immediately following up with, "I'm going to be") how many of those people who actually believe that members of The Church ARE like that ... are really that ... intellegent?
I mean, have they met many Latter-Day Saints?

I have to think that it's a credit to my/our church that whenever people learn that I'm a member of the LDS Church, they are rather effusive about other Latter-Day Saints that they know.

I hope that by not making a huge deal about this (other than letting you know about it) I'm not burying my head in the sand about this. I just really think that if people have any sense, they'll judge/consider/whatever The Church based on their experience with its members, rather than by a show that's not affiliated (at ALL) by the church.

At least I can hope that people still have sense, right? I'm rather optimistic.

Or I, at least, TRY to be. :P

The thing with feathers

[Completed from a draft Jan 21]

When DID I last post?

Oh well, Let's see what I remember I should talk about ...

Point 1 - We have a new president.
This is cool. I hope that Obama is able to do most of the things that he planned to do.

I do NOT agree with his stance on abortion (but I have strong opinions in regards to that topic. Feelings which can be summed up in my belief that if you do not feel physically/emotionally ready/mature/able to take care of a pregnancy/child ... well, you'd have better not be having sex. I know that it's a high expectation. But if you are not mature enough to deal with the consequences of your actions ... you shouldn't be choosing to do that. To expect anything else is selfish.) (And I also believe that there are times when that choice is deserved -- when it was not in the woman's choosing to have sex. In cases of sexual abuse/rape/incest -- Well, you get what I'm saying.) (And I also think that in the cases of the mother's health, it could be permissable -- with a GOOD deal of prayer and meditation.) (... But to choose to end a developing life simply because it's inconvenient to you? I think that is selfish and ludicrous.)

(I also think it's absolute BOLLOCKS that minors can't take a Tylenol without parental consent, but that it's permissable to have abortions -- a SERIOUS SURGERICAL PROCEDURE without informing their parents. ... But that is a whole 'nother post.)

STILL, Barack Obama is president. I'm happy for him. I didn't vote for him ... and I'm SOOOO glad that Hilary Clinton is not president. (However, she is pretty close in line if anything should happen, heaven forbid, to our nation's leaders ... Well, I wouldn't be totally surprised. I hope that I'm VERY mistaken, though.) (And HA! Go to her website!! HA! She's asking for donations to "help in cleaning up the last campaign's debt"! HA! ... Fiscal responsibility, anyone?)

... Wow, I'm all over the place aren't I? Sorry.

And forgive me for a bit of schadenfreude on ol' Ms. Clinton's part.

Still, I'm SO glad that she wasn't elected president.

Because Michael refuses to move to Canada. :P

I feel bad, though, for President Bush, though. He had to deal with a lot. And he didn't always make the wisest decisions -- he didn't always listen to people with our nation's best interests at heart. STILL, he could have done lots worse. (No, really ... he could have.)

He didn't cheat on his wife in the Oval Office. And that's a big thing with me.
(And, as I was discussing with Bri today, ... About that cheating ... "But at least Kennedy had better taste in his affairs. Monroe > Lewinsky.")


more lol celebs

But, really ... I do think that it's far past time that our nation practices a LOT more colorblindness ... eventually someday we won't even make a big deal about someone of a different race/sex/religion running for office.

I really hope that Obama IS good for our nation. I love America. I want America to be good, to be respected, to be loved.

And, really, Latter-Day Saints have myriad reasons for loving America:

- It's where the Book of Mormon happens (well, on the American Continent -- which includes South America. Still counts.)

- The religious freedoms in the United States allowed for the Restoration to occur. Yay for not having our first prophet killed as a young man! Yay for allowing the Church to be organized!

I could go on ... but I'd want to do research first. Lots and lots of research, so that I have ALL my facts straight -- all the i's dotted and the t's crossed, minding all my p's and q's.

But, really ... I hope that Obama's change is all good change. I hope that America only gets stronger and more united. I hope that other countries stop hating us so much.

(I mean, sure, we're a wasteful country ... We're still in our nation's teenage-years, in comparison to the THOUSANDS of years that most European, Middle East, and Asian countries have under their belts, we're still not even three-hundred.)

[And that's where I ran out of coherence and steam]

I really don't remember where I was totally going with that.

This is one of those things that happens when I start blogging late at night when I can't sleep.

BUT here's a decent political site: The Truth-o-Meter, this site keeps track of which promises Barack Obama has kept, which he's compromised on, which ones he's broken, which ones are in the works, and which ones are stalled. Since it's still so early in his presidency, there are a lot that he has yet to take action on. I'm really rather interested in keeping tabs on this.

Now, I have to hustle the (screaming over sharing a toy ... Grr.) kids out to the car for storytime. YES, again. We go to different storytimes. And we already skipped one of them this week, okay?? Now, I need to go before my head explodes, okay? Hugs and all that!

Reaction ...

(This is in part in response to my friend, Prissy's post. I agree with her ... and I'm not near so tactful as my dear friend. ^_^)

I know that I can (and most likely, AM) inviting flack by saying this.

But I'm gonna say it anyway.

Why the double-standard in how people are reacting to Proposition 8?

If it had been voted down, would ANYONE put up with a single person talking about boycotting Massachusetts or Connecticut or California? Would anyone have put up with a single sign or protester outside a building in which same-sex marriages were being performed?

Would anyone have put up with the success that enabled Prop 8 to have been passed being blamed on Blacks, Hispanics, Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Muslims, Asians, the Inuit, Native Americans, the elderly, Yuppies, or the mentally infirm?
And why haven't the protesters gone after the other groups that voted to pass it?

...To be completely blunt, WHY the HELL is it allowable to blame it on one church? A church whose California voting age population is less than 5% of the population. (I mean, hey if "those dang MaHRmons"  [I spell it that way because, whenever I hear anyone talking smack about the church or its members, that's how they say it! I NEVER hear it any other way. Dunno why.] were in the majority, then I would give them some leeway to complain.)

And then threatening a boycott to a whole other state? Unless those Uthans suddenly developed wings and California citizenship, they really can't be blamed. And you can't blame The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints itself for raising money. They didn't donate a dime (or any other imcriment of money).  

If you're mad about it, then YES, DO what Arnold Schwarzeneggar suggested: Exercise your right to democracy. If it gets voted down, put it on the ballot again. (I think that's really what the blurb that Glassman mentioned in this post's comments refers to. I may not support the vision of the opponents of Prop 8 ... but I am more than willing to let them put it on the ballot again and again. If it gets passed, it gets passed [God help us. :P], but they are within their legal rights to keep lobbying for it.)

Heck, if it HADN'T passed, I'd be for it going back on the ballots. It's always worth another shot, right? But if it KEEPS getting voted down ... I think that would help solve this ... situation.

And, oh my heck, our missionaries wouldn't be allowed in a house of females without another male ... let alone ravage through your stuff!! If my husband isn't home (and, remember, I've got two kids!), they have to wait out on the porch until he comes back! So, that commerical that was being passed around? TOTALLY FALACIOUS! 
(It be like if *I* created a commerical saying that if Prop 8 failed, homosexuals would kidnap our children and raise them in brothels or some such claptrap. I *know* people that have "alternative lifestyles" ... and they're perfectly nice folks. I love them ... and I tolerate their beliefs ... I don't have to approve of their behavior. Heck, I don't approve of MY behavior at times!)

The main point that I have is that, under Californian law, domestic partnerships between same-sex couples is ALREADY protected. I respect that. I support that.
I do not support calling it marriage. 

Calling a same-sex union marriage seems to be a way to "sanitize" and mainstream this into society.  You can put lipstick on a pitbull (since that seems to be the popular phrase) and it is NOT Marilyn Monroe.  

I do not HATE people that are different than me. I may not approve of their actions/choices. 

BUT, as we are taught in church (this church, dear to my heart, that is being unjustly accused of teaching hate and intimidation), we are all FREE to make our OWN decisions. We are not to treat people as their decisions ... we are allowed to repent. (Just because you tell a lie doesn't mark you as a LIAR with an 'L' sewn onto your collar or anything for the rest of your life.) We are all mortal beings, doing the best we can. We all make mistakes, we all have lots to learn, ... and, most importantly, we are ALL children of our Heavenly Father. Jesus loves each one of us, no matter what we do or have done.  ... And, since our goal is to be LIKE Jesus, it is our duty to LOVE every person and treat them as Jesus would.

Does Jesus approve of everyone's choices? (That's like asking, does Jesus like it when we sin/abuse children/kill each other/disrepect the bonds of marriage [e.g., extramarital sex])
No. BUT He still loves us and will treat us with respect.

And THAT is what the Church teaches.

"By their fruits ye shall know them." ... How are people treating each other? 

I find it to be an incredible double-standard that these supporters of same-sex marriage find it acceptable to single out another minority to rail on ... yet, anyone who DOESN'T agree with them is automatically slapped with the title of "INTOLERANT BIGOT" and decried. 

It's really a no-win situation. 

HOWEVER, I do find it very interesting how some of the reactions go ...

Here's how the Church is handling these protesters:

Attacks on churches and intimidation of people of faith have no place in civil discourse over controversial issues.  People of faith have a democratic right to express their views in the public square without fear of reprisal.  Efforts to force citizens out of public discussion should be deplored by people of goodwill everywhere.   

We call upon those who have honest disagreements on this issue to urge restraint upon the extreme actions of a few that are further polarizing our communities and urge them to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility towards each other.

Hmm ... Interesting. An attitude of "Don't hate them. Be nice and work out your problems."
I really have little doubt that if it were the other way around, and the Church was the one decrying the result of the voting, they (the vocal supporters of SSM)'d be handing out heaping portions of Shut-the-flip-up. 

(Yes, I really do feel that way. So sue me! Well, don't really, because I'm poor and I'd like to TRY to save some money for my kids to go to college ... or at least a trip to Disneyland.)

And, get this, CATHOLICS are supporting us. ... While our beliefs aren't all that different for the most bit, there is OFTEN a bit of a rift between the Catholic Church and the LDS Church.
But the former [Catholic] Bishop of SLC, the head of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento, Bishop William Weigand says:

"Bigoted attacks on Mormons for the part they played in our coalition are shameful and ignore the reality that Mormon voters were only a small part of the groundswell that supported Proposition 8.

"As the former bishop of the Diocese of Salt Lake City, I can attest to the fact that followers of the Mormon faith are a good and generous people with a long history of commitment to family and giving to community causes.

"I personally decry the bigotry recently exhibited towards the members of the Church of the Latter Day Saints--coming from the opponents of Proposition 8, who ironically, have called those of us supporting traditional marriage intolerant.

"I call upon the supporters of same-sex marriage to live by their own words--and to refrain from discrimination against religion and to exercise tolerance for those who differ from them. I call upon them to accept the will of the people of California in the passage of Proposition 8."

I think that Bishop Weigand has put it VERY well -- use the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do to you. (Or as Confucious said: Do not unto others as you would have them not do unto you." ... Or, Rodney King's "Why can't we all get along?" ... Okay, that's just attributed to him. But STILL!!)

So, for all the blathering on and how irritated that I can get about this ... I know that the Church is true. I know that our Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, is led by God. I know that we have been told that same-sex marriage is not in God's plan. I know that everyone is my spiritual brother or sister ... and I'm going to love them as they are, God help them! I do NOT have to agree with everyone else. I am entitled to my own opinion and beliefs. I am also entitled to my own vote. I am deserving of respect -- just the same respect as if I did support SSM.

I will respect you, whoever you are, just as much -- regardless of how you did/will/would have voted.
(Hey, I like that whole "Namaste"-thing  -- Because I do recognize that you, like I, have a divine nature. You are of infinite worth. And nothing anyone could do or say will change that. It's part of my whole "life is good/life is precious" belief.)

And just because I might not agree with you ... well it doesn't change how much I like you as a person. I won't shove my rhetoric down your throat. I expect the same privilege.

Okay, ONE bit of rhetoric -- From the Articles of Faith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (articles eleven and twelve):

• We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
  
• We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
  

If the law is changed, we will follow it. 
And your religious preference is YOURS. As mine is MINE. We don't have to agree on it. Just respect each others' right to worship how we will.