Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Somewhat productive ...

I'm almost caught up on laundry (just not the folding-or-putting-away-parts).

I had Michael take back the DVDs to the library on his way to his meeting last night.
I had dinner made for him and the kiddos.
Bri and I snacked on GF kettle/carmel corn while we watched Easy A.
(Pop corn in a pot on the stove with some vegetable/canola oil. Stir in brown sugar. Add some salt. YUM!)

And we also spent time watching funny things on YouTube. And talking about P90X, since she's going to buy it.
(Hey, I'm not quite ready for that YET. Once I stop breathing like a whale as I do WiiFit exercises, I'll think about it. And I need to be able to do push-ups. Because there's NO FLIPPIN' WAY I can do pull-ups yet. I know my limitations. And I'm no help to my family if I'm in traction.)

And we went through my iTunes library. And it was a fun visit. I don't hang with my girls a lot anymore. But I'm glad that Bri's and my schedules worked out so well. And that Michael is fine being the testosterone wheel after he gets home from EQ meetings. ^_^ (Thanks, love! I appreciate you!!)

I've gotten caught up on dishes. I have part of a load to do in the dishwasher. But everything else is clean! YAY!

And, oh, but I NEED to get the kiddos dressed for the day.
AND to go through their drawers and get THOSE organized.
I do not know how to describe the expression on my face as I consider this ... but it's not a happy face.
It's more of a gritted-teeth, rolled eyes, looking askance type of face.

Because, I'll admit it.
When I do it ... the kids, Michael, and EVERYONE ELSE who MIGHT be in the house needs to stay outta mah way. Because I need quiet and NO INTERFERENCE.
It's that OCD tendency ... I want these drawers organized. And if ANYONE gets in my way, no matter HOW much I love them ... well, it's not pretty.
I kinda wish that I could totally rearrange their room, somehow ... probably involving a TARDIS, so that there's enough room to have almost all their clothes on hangers that they can reach (to get their clothes AND to put them away). And anything that can't be hung up could go in shallow bins. Like their socks and underoos. Or they could each have one drawer for each type of clothes: shirts, pants, pajamas, summer things ... that sort of thing. Then they could put their clothes away in some type of organization.
INSTEAD OF JUST SHOVING A PILE INTO THEIR DRAWERS AND THEN WHINING TO ME THAT THEY CAN'T FIND THEIR UNDERWEAR!!!!!!


Not that THAT ever would have happened. NooooooooOOOOOooooooooooo. *shifty eyes*

/rant.

Last night, after I put the kids to bed, Bruise REALLY WANTED to snuggle with someone. It wasn't going to be me [or Bri, either] (because Easy A? NOT appropriate for my babies. Just saying). Couldn't be Michael, since he was at his meeting. And Bucket didn't want to. "Because then I'll be up ALL NIGHT!" was her reasoning. Heh.

So I told him that I loved him. And that, if they both went to sleep RIGHT NOW, I'd make them waffles in the morning. (Not a bribe. They had to EARN this.)

I made waffles. Because I honor my promises to the kiddos.

I also have showered and gotten dressed. I am debating on putting on much makeup today.
Because, really? My skin's looking pretty good. No new zits. And the one that WAS lurking? Decided to die down.
(WHAT?? No, really! I was amazed, too!)
I still have some red spots from ones that are healing ... and my eyes look tired. And I wouldn't say no to some mascara. But, really? I don't look too shabby at all.


Which, considering the fact that I JUST had angry bees in my head? I can't believe that I feel so charitable towards my appearance.
I mean, really, as I was about to get in the shower yesterday, I took a look at myself and was all, "You know, for what all I've put my body through ... I don't look bad at all."

(And then the little voice inside my head was all, "*triple-take* Whaaaa? ... Oh, yeah. Not bad at all. I mean, there could be improvement. But, you're right.")

Truly? I'm a little freaked out. But Michael should be happy.
And I hope it lasts. Because maybe it'll be easier to be motivated to work out and eat smaller portions and healthier foods if it's not accompanied by a huge serving of self-loathing and guilt.

Still, I'll totally admit that I'm so glad to see in video clips and in movies that even skinny girls have upper arms that are a little flabby. It makes me accept myself a little more.
And, really? I totally respect that Kate Winslet is against being photoshopped. And that she speaks out when magazines do it to her.

I haven't seen all of "Killing Us Softly," a documentary about how advertising uses and affects women.

But what I've seen ... I agree with. And it's not the first place that I've heard and read about it.

So, now I find myself reading and watching advertisements much more critically. If I don't see ANY pores on a model's nose or cheeks? I find myself being a LOT more skeptical of claims.
Because, really, being ham-handed with an airbrush or Photoshop? Not proving product claims to me. Unless, of course, this company is going to send someone to photoshop ME in real life. (Didn't think so.)

At the same time, though, I have to remember that making women feel bad about themselves, their skin, their features, their weight ... this is how a lot of these companies sell products.
If I ever went into advertising, I hope that I'd be good enough to create ad campaigns that would make people feel good for using the products. And not fill them with self-loathing.
This is why I do like a lot of the Dove advertisements.
And, for the most part, Garnier does focus on the positive. Or on product claims/science.

But, honestly? I'd LOVE to see advertisements and fashion week filled with a huge proprtion of average people. The ones who aren't size 0-4. The ones that aren't completely toned or slim-hipped.
I'd love to see how these designers can make people like ME look.

It's easy to make a model look like ... well, a model.
I would LOVE to see these designers step up to the challenge.

Like I've mentioned, Betsey Johnson did this with her Pink Tag line at Fashion Week this year.
She had friends and employees model the pieces.
Aren't these girls darling?
Now I know that I would look good in this outfit!
If it were on a size 0 girl, I wouldn't even look twice!
Yes! A pregnant woman!
And she looks wonderful!
Is it just me, or does her face look kinda like Reese Witherspoon?
If I ever wore strapless dresses, I'd consider this one.
I like that you don't HAVE to have washboard abs to show some midriff.
And they look like they're having FUN in these clothes.
This gal is ADORABLE.
And I really hate rompers. ... But those boots? ... SO tempting. ^_^

Now, don't they look nice??
There is still the problem that Johnson's clothes aren't made over a size 12.
Still, as the article over at About.com says, there were some stylists in the audience who appeared to be trying to not show their abject horror at these regular-Janes working it on the catwalk.
Why the shock? These are all beautiful ladies! And, really, it's a much more honest look at the type of people that will be wearing designer clothes. We're not all slim and tall.

I'm average height. AND I'm not slim. I'm obese. ... And even when I WAS at the healthy BMI, my boobs made it hard to find things that fit well. As much as I love the LOOK of a button-up shirt, I had to face that if I wanted one, either it'd fit my waist OR the girls. NOT BOTH.

And then, after I gained weight, I just learned to hate shopping for clothes.
(Shopping for shoes? Make-up? Accessories? Those are all FINE. They don't fill me with (1)self-loathing, (2)depression, or (3) MURDEROUS RAGE that designers seem to think there is only ONE AND TRUE body type ... therefore I am a complete freak of nature and should just wrap myself up in sheets, since CLOTHES obviously aren't made to fit mutants like me. And then I should probably hide under a rock and scare children with my hideous size 16 self, with my ample chest and zaftig, hourglass figure.

Yes, there's a reason I don't like shopping for clothes. And it's not JUST because I'm cheap. (Though, that IS a factor. ... Really, a shirt and skirt can run around $40. FOR ONE OUTFIT!!! ... With $40, I could get a basket full of make-up or cheap DVDs. I could buy BOOKS!! LIKE, FIVE OR EIGHT BOOKS! OR more, if I'm at a used book store, even.)

And, with my size, it's difficult to get stuff that fits at resale places. Unless I want to solely dress in baggy things that don't look good anyways.

Yes, I'm picky. I'm vain enough that I WANT to look good, to show off my figure to its best advantage.
And, really? A muu'muu isn't going to do that. (I'm not knocking muu'muu dresses. They have their time and place. And, really, my hair isn't right for them most times. I need big hair to go with a big dress. Or else I look like a little head stuck on a huge dress. Yes, I have issues.)

Still, until I manage to get myself back to a healthier weight, hating my body/myself isn't doing anyone any good. I've had YEARS of experience ... and it's not had any good results.

So, I'm going to DEAL with the fact that my body is NOT that of a model's. And that, even so, I have every right to be pretty, to look good, to like how I look in clothes and out. That my face and my hair don't HAVE to be my best features. That I am deserving of clothes that make me look and feel good.

Sorry, Michael ... I think that I need to buy another Sunday skirt or two. Until I fit into the new black one I bought last year. I can wait for a while, though. But the desire is there.

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