Friday, November 02, 2007

My Mental Health Number

Now, Joshilyn Jackson (or "Joss," as everyone calls her) will, every so often, talk in her blog about her mental health number.

Like one's blood pressure, it is the aim to have a LOW MHN (mental health number).

My mental health number? It's not been that low.

To be completely blunt, we're strapped for cash. I don't like this situation. To me, security = not having to worry about affording groceries. Security is not feeling the pinch when we pay our tithing. Security is not counting the cents before an overdraft appears.

Security is being able to buy a book or two a month. Being able to buy new clothes at least once a season. Being able to go out to eat a couple times a month. Going out to the movies every couple of months. Buying gas without secretly screaming inside in regards to the price (Well, that one STILL might happen).

I'm usually super closed-mouth-ed about our finances. But, I'll let slip that this is the major reason for the huge elevation in my MHN.

So ... if you know any rich benefactors who are looking to sponsor a family ...


(but, really, if you do have an in with Bill Gates ....)

Yes, I do joke ... because it's better than getting an ulcer.

Michael doesn't like it when I worry to the point of stressing.
This morning, I felt terrible ... tight and tasting of bile.

I'd felt this way before. I has to ask myself when that was.
It was that last term of student teaching.
That term that had me throwing up daily or just not eating much more than one meal per day so that I WOULDN'T throw up.

So I prayed.

Yes, I know that things are going to be tight. For at least another paycheck.
BUT, I also now know for sure that we will get through this.
That I am loved.

I mean, yes, I do know these things ... but it's like I'm able to REALIZE these facts more.

Prayer is good. I should do it more often.

So, my MHN is still a bit elevated. But it's WAY better than it was the last 24 hours.

Thank God. Literally.
Very literally.

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