Monday, February 15, 2010

Insomnia, my old friend ...

Well, I know a bit more about Uncle Mike's condition.
Besides the stroke, he has a case of pneumonia. And it was a BAD stroke. He's paralyzed on his right side. Lost the vision in his right eye ...

On the bright side, he was able to recognize a picture of his grandson. And to eat tapioca pudding and applesauce. Hey, being able to eat is a very good thing, amirite?

So, yeah, keep him in your prayers. It'd be really awesome if he could be able to use his right side of his body again. It'd also be really awesome (and totally miraculous) if he could regain even SOME vision in his eye. Just sayin'.


In part umteen-bazillion of Allanna's crazy dream chronicles, I had a bit of a doozy Sunday morning.

I dreamt that I had to tell Michael that he wasn't my first. That he was my THIRD.
(Yes, my dream self had gotten around! I was just as shocked! Tarty minx!)
I couldn't remember at all who the first was ...
The other one that I could remember ... well, I had married one of my guy friends. But I couldn't fathom getting divorced from him. Must have been annulled. And we had TWO television sets in the front room of the apartment that we had in that dream marriage.
(Now, I DID date this guy my dream self was married to. For, like, a month. Very nice guy. We still keep in touch. But we only kissed in real life.)

So, yeah. Really, I didn't have sex with anyone until I got married.

So this dream was totally out of nowhere.

Kinda like one of my WORST DREAMS EVER. That one happened about ten ... can it really be almost TWELVE years ago?!? It can. O.o How did I get so OLD?!?!?!?

Regardless ....

In that dream, I had had sex with my first boyfriend -- didn't SEE it happening or anything. Just saw myself waking up next to him (this dream occurred, like a MONTH after we broke up for the FINAL time). And I just felt SO, SO, SO AWFUL. I started going through the list of consequences for it: I'd have to talk to my Bishop. I'd have to talk to my MOM. I'd have to go through all the repentance process ... I literally felt sick to my stomach and so completely disappointed in myself. HOW COULD I EVER HAVE DONE SOMETHING SO STUPID?????

Then, upon waking up, I realized that ... hey, in that dream, I was in his bed. .... I've never been in his room. (Seriously. How weird is that? I dated the guy for over a YEAR and had never seen his room. I just now realized that. Yeah. That's seriously weird. ... I might have seen it ONCE, but we never hung out in his room at all. Strange, since he'd been in MY room. With the door open, of course. What kind of girl do you take me for??? ... Okay, I AM the kind of girl who has crazy-butt dreams. You do have a point.)

At THAT point I was so completely and totally overjoyed to never have had set a foot in his room!
Seriously, I just about LEAPED out of bed to bounce off the walls and chant, exuberantly, that I was not a stupid, stupid idjit of a girl, that YES! I hadn't broken the law of chastity!

Seriously, the relief that I experienced upon the realization that I didn't do, like, the STUPIDEST THING EVER (and this is coming from a girl who had almost totaled her mom's car earlier that year) ... well, it was a great feeling KNOWING that I hadn't done that.

.... The other TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE dream that I had more recently was while I was pregnant with Bruise and Bucket. I dreamed that Michael died in his sleep. And we didn't have life insurance or anything. But Bruise and Bucket were grown up. I didn't know their genders (IRL) at that point, but I knew who they were and that they were very capable.

Then I woke up and went to touch Michael's arm and IT WAS COLD.
So I kinda woke him up, taking his pulse.

Hey, you don't ask too many questions of a hormonal wreck of a pregnant woman.
Especially one who was the size of a small country and bore more than a passing resemblance to a beached whale (stupid preeclasmia and its bloating. Ugh!)

So, he woke up enough to assure me that, no, he was definitely NOT dead.
And he cuddled me until I fell back asleep.

And he has life insurance now. Just in case.
But I hope that he (read: I) never has to use it. EVER.

So, yeah. It seems that my subconscious is a very odd place to visit.

Maybe THAT's why I can't sleep.

Oh well. I should TRY anyways.

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