Monday, June 02, 2008

Why I am NOT a great mom ...

Okay, you know that I'm all about keeping it real.

And that's why I'm going to post this. Even though my mother, bless her heart, is CERTAIN that I'll be ostracized and hated ... or that someone might leave a very trollish comment.

Suffice it to say that with the combination of my lady-cycle AND the fact that my dear, precious (or is it PRECOCIOUS) children have been waking up about an hour earlier than usual ... without taking a good nap during the day ... this weekend, ... Well, let's suffice it to say that I was NOT on my A game. (Or is it "A-game" ... I wouldn't know. Why do I use these sports analogies? I have no idea at all what I'm talking about.

Now, usually, I'm a decent mom. I don't beat my kids, I try and control my language around them, no one's been seriously hurt on my watch, I can pop a dislocated elbow back into place with some aplomb... I mean, I let them watch too much TV ... and my house isn't the cleanest (Hey, I'm strengthening their immune systems, okay??) ... But usually I'm a rather decent mom.

(Although, as my friend BJ pointed out the other day, I often act more like a big sister to them ... as I bopped them in the head with their large playtime balls. We were having a great time. And Bruise and Bucket were retrieving the balls so that I could lob them at them again and again. And they'd smack me in the head with the balls, too. Laughter all around. Hey, at least, they're not going to be all freaking out in sports when balls come flying at their heads ... Not that I ever am like that. *shifty eyes*)

BUT, Saturday night? About my worst evening of parenting.

Bruise and Bucket climbed over the gate into Michael's and my room. Bucket's towel was in our toilet. There was water on our unsealed vinyl-tiled floor. They were not listening to me. I lost my cool.

I hollered at them. They didn't get their before bed nursing. They didn't even get pajamas. I put diapers on them, sent them to bed, gave them a STRONG talking-to.

And, because I'm TRYING to instill some routines, I gave a quick prayer of "Help Bruise and Bucket to sleep through the night. And help Mommy not to kill them."

THEN, since we've started reading scripture stories to the kidlets before bed ... and I hadn't brought in one of their storybooks ... NOR did I want to spend much more time in there while they whimpered and whined (because, hey, I'm the meanest mommy on the whole entire planet ... and maybe the universe at large) ... well, imagine this scene:

Me: sitting a few feet from their beds. Delivering this in a very snappy tone.

Okay, Tonight's story is about the Tower of Babel.
Some people thought they'd be all CLEVER and build a twoer to get to Heaven. Is that how we get to heaven? *Bucket nods* NO, it is NOT! you get to Heaven by obeying the commandments and by being good. (Well, that and accepting Christ as your Savior ... but I'm trying to get this done quickly, not to discuss all the theological points of our religion with my children before I devour them like hamster moms do.)

So, God knocked down their tower and changed everybody's language.

The lesson: Don't piss God off. It's never going to end well. Good night!

And then I close the door as I leave ... and check on Michael as he cleans the grill we "inherited" ... the one that as he cleaned it ... well, the grilling surface turned to dust, since it hadn't been cleaned. And that was AFTER he got the mold off of it. Oops.
Rust, it's a killer.

I told him what I did. He was glad that the kids were in bed. And he took over putting them BACK in bed duties for most of the night.
And, bless his heart, he supports me ... He kept telling them, "You need to LISTEN to Mommy."

(Also, Bruise woke up around midnight, to go potty (most of which, truly, was already in his diaper ... but you've got to admire his persistence. He demanded that I turn the bathroom light on. Mind you, you can see decently with the nightlight in there ... and when I DID turn on the light [Mostly to shut him up, since he was getting a little loud and I didn't want him to wake Michael or Bucket], he covers his eyes and goes "Ow. Ow. Ow." And I did tell him that I had warned him. Maybe he'll remember that Mommy sometimes DOES know what the crap she's talking about. ^_^)

But, yeah. Sometimes I'm a good mom.

Sometimes I really suck.

But, overall, my children do love me. And they seem well-adjusted. Thank goodness.
And I do love them. Which is why I haven't devoured them like hamsters do.
And why I let them wake me up at six-fifteen in the frakkin' morning.

Even if my son bothers my senior-citizen cat until she poops on the windowsill in our bedroom ... And, really, I couldn't get mad at her at all. Heck, I was just glad she didn't pee on our bed again.

(And poor, Ginger ... She didn't know what to make of the fact that I laid down next to her in the living room and told her that she WASN'T in trouble. If you've never seen a cat be completely confused, you've missed out. Her expression was all, "Okay, okay ... Where the hell-o are the cameras? They've got to be filming this. ... Or is she really for real? Really? I'm not going into the shower stall? I'm not being yelled at?? For real?? Really?? ... I still don't believe it. ... I'm just going to sleep out here tonight. And maybe the next week ... Until the other shoe drops...")

But, hey ... the kidlets took a nice nap yesterday. Michael and I woke up to find that we had slept for THREE HOURS! ... And, yet, I was still tired. But, oh, I was so glad to get that sleep.

Especially since I had to get up, what, three times last night? *sigh*

Counting ...

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