Saturday, July 18, 2009

Just the regular ... kinda ...

What IS it with me, especially yesterday?

Really, I just have no patience with my children ... which is REALLY RICH since I get to help teach about the nurturing role of mothers at church tomorrow.

(Why is it whenever I am asked to help teach or to give a talk, I am suddenly bombarded with the exact OPPOSITE of what I'm talking/teaching about ... making me feel like a complete and total hypocrite???)

Add that to a hearty serving of complete self-loathing ... yup, that was a good deal of yesterday.

(Really, is it too much to ask that I suddenly wake up the same size I was in high school? Or, at least, the same size I was when I got married?? ... Or that I just not have my muffin top and DO suddenly have slimmer thighs? Or that I just have SOME MUSCLE definition under all the flab I'm sporting?)

I think I'm skipping my 10-year reunion. I don't want to spend $15 on a BBQ where we're ALSO required to bring a side dish to share. And our own drinks.
... And ditch my mom, stepdad, and aunt at the coast for around 4+ hours when THEY were the smart ones who scheduled the date first.

(Seriously, the people in charge of the HS reunion? They've planned a $50/person dinner and dancing. And/or a BBQ, which if you haven't paid the $50/person costs you $15/family ... AND they only get the invites out in late June. ... Seriously, I was expecting the invitations to arrive around January. Not everyone lives close by anymore. Not everyone can AFFORD $50/person for a date ... PLUS a good deal of us would have to get a babysitter. ... Yes, I'm not thrilled at ALL how this was done. Oh well. I wasn't put in charge of this. Which is probably a good thing.)

Maybe one reason (besides the cost and general inconvenience, of course) is that I'm not as skinny as I was ... I mean, I always kind of hoped that I'd have the awesome "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion"-type experience (yes, it is an R-rated movie. And I haven't watched it in years ... but I do love it so!) ... even though I'm really not like either of the title characters -- I'm married, have kids, don't sew or design clothes ... but ... I mean, wouldn't it be cool to dance with Alan Cumming or something?
(Or, frankly, look as good as Lisa Kudrow or Mira Sorvino in those cute dresses??)

And I'm still having crazy dreams. Crazy dreams that involve a movie that I haven't seen (because I can't find an edited version *SAD!!*)

Okay, so here's the trailer for a movie that sounds like it was totally MADE for me!


So, Repo is a musical horror film. AND it has Anthony Stewart Head (GILES!!! From Buffy the Vampire Slayer! GILES!! RUPERT GILES!!! Who was only my HUGE crush in that show!! ... Yes, most girls liked Angel [David Boreanz], or Spike, or Xander, or Oz [Seth Green, who I also adore] ... but I'm the odd duck whose little teenager heart beat for GILES, the stuffy librarian with arcane knowledge, a mysterious backstory, and that accent!!!!), and Giles alone. And Sarah Brightman sings in it ... I mean, really. It's like they wrote this dedicated soly to me! And it HAD to be rated-R. :(

Yes, I am aware that I have issues.

Like being a total accent-whore. And being totally tempted to watch movies with profanity and gore. And Paris Hilton.

BUT!! In my dream, I was supposed to be the female lead of Repo. And the reason that I do (in real life) know so much about this movie is that I read the synopsis on the wiki. (Have I mentioned that I love Wikipedia? I totally do.)

But, since I haven't seen the movie, I know that my dream was way off.

BUT, I'm in a motel room ... and I'm walking around. And I hear some strange noises coming from the bathroom. So, of course, I go investigate, since I'm not supposed to leave the motel room. What else is there for me to do?

Behind the clear shower curtain, I can make out two people in black clothes. I pull the curtain and it's Paris Hilton (who may be topless. And, of course, in my dream state, I say to myself, "Well, that could explain the rating. You can't just have topless people everywhere.") and Anthony Steward Head.

But then she calls him "Daddy." And I know from the wiki that he's not her dad. Her dad is the big corporate head. And then I figure that maybe it's because she's on a drug high (since her character IS strung out on drugs).

And I obviously am slightly delusional in my dream, since I got them confused with some other movie, obviously, as I ask them, "Why are you in the shower? I thought that zombies were afraid of water." ... And they correct me that no, it's people with RABIES that are scared of water. And, that makes sense, since it's it called, like, hydrophobia? (No, I just checked the wiki. People/animals with rabies lose the ability to SWALLOW water. But, hey, I knew that it had SOMETHING to do with water! That counts for ... something... right?)

But, at the end of my dream, the three of us are sitting in the bathtub, all fully clothed, with arms around each other, Giles in the middle.

If there's some hidden message, here's what I think it may be:

1) I really want to watch Repo! The Genetic Opera.
2) I really want a hug from Anthony Stewart Head.
3) I have innate knowledge that Paris Hilton without a shirt has absolutely no sexuality.
4) I should write a novel about zombies that are scared of water. ... Have people already written about zombie-ism as a form of rabies? If not, don't steal my idea, okay?

Now, I need to finish working on that Sunday School lesson. And not yelling at my children.
Not even when I ask them something nicely and they DON'T LISTEN AT ALL. *sigh*

Who knows? Maybe Anthony Stewart Head will come to class and give me a hug. Since, you know, he is my dream dad and all. *quirked eyebrow*


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