Friday, June 28, 2013

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So ... just tell me

... am I a ... um ... what's a gentler word for f*ck-up?

I mean, I know I'm a bit of a hot mess right now.
Kind of hard to deny that when you're sobbing as you paint your toenails, and berate yourself with an inner monolog of, "Just paint your toenails. Just do it. You've kvetched about it enough on your blog. Might as well do SOMETHING with your life. And try not to screw THIS up, m'kay?"

Yeah ... how much of this is menstrual-related and how much of it is just my own crazy ... I don't know.

But ... yeah. There it is.
Tons of fun ... NOT.

At least Michael was a rock star (when he's telling me to stop trying to fix everyone's problems and to stop feeling guilty when I CAN'T fix everyone's [or, apparently, anyone's] problems) and set up a bath for me, complete with a bottle of bubbly (in our case, that's sparkling cider, not champers ... Yeah, I've been reading a little too much over at Forever Young Adult, huh?) ... which I was able to prise open using manicure tools, since I don't keep a bottle opener in the bathroom. Yup. Didn't even mess up my nails. woot.

Still ... I feel like a jerk.
When I finally let a friend know how I feel ... and I tried to do it all in a tough-love-but-emphasis-on-love-because-I-wouldn't-care-if-I-didn't-love-you-so way ... and, well, there are some underlying problems on that friend's side. ... And I'm trying not to be hurt that this friend was keeping that from me. I'd have been more understanding and ABLE to do some stuff IF I'd known about this underlying issue.

So ... yeah. We'll see if things are able to blow over or if I've screwed this over too much.

So, yeah ... so I FEEL like a complete and total screw-up/mess/jerk.

Is that any better than feeling like your friend is constantly blowing you off? Or that the friend is flaky or irresponsible?

I ... I just don't know.

Can I just go back to Disneyland now?
Or to sleep?
Just maybe?

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