Hello, My name is HOLY FREAKING-OUT PILE OF INSANITY!!!!! ONOZ!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! ZOMGosh!!!!!

*dryly* As you can probably infer from the title of this post, my calm facade is starting to crack.

If by "starting to crack," you mean to say that OMGosh! I have coming up in a matter of DAYS about the most STRESSFUL TIME OF MY EXISTENCE (with, perhaps, the exception of my sole-responisbility when I was student teaching ... you know, that period that I threw up every morning due to stress, nibbled lunch, and ate a sensible dinner ... and dropped a good five pounds ... probably all in tooth enamel).

Here's my itenerary (unless you're a stalker or a thief. If you are, I'm lying. This whole time, I'm going to be bunkered at home, cleaning my arsenal and polishing my VAST knife collection. They're already all sharpened. I just like that glossy sheen to them.):

• This weekend, we're throwing the bridal shower. And visiting family, family, family, and more family. Then ditching the kids with grandparents for the next week ...
• Since on MONDAY, I'll be deserting Michael to go to Young Women's Camp. Unless I'm running a fever, then they'll send me home so that I don't spread the bird flu the swine flu (What's next? Cerval Cat flu? Platypus flu? I can never keep the old ones straight, anyways. Just be glad that I didn't refer to it as the Spanish flu. Since, you know, I wasn't actually ALIVE to live through that one.)
• Then I'll be ditching camp to run back home and make sure that I have EVERYTHING ready (including myself!!!!) for Mer's rehersal dinner (and getting reunited with the kids) and the wedding.

Yes, I've been in denial for a few weeks. I DON'T want to deal with all of this. No flippin' way. Especially since I'm STILL mucus-laden and hoarse. This is crazy. And I'm nearly hyperventilating about it all.

I'm SO, SO, SO glad that I have Roxy as one of the other bridesmaids. She's keeping me sane. She and I went in together on the present for Mer. (CUTE!! ... I'll tell you after the wedding, probably, since I don't know when I'll next have TIME or the PRESENCE OF MIND(!!!) to blog next) And she's taking on the veggie tray for the shower. Phew!!

So, I'm just working at getting the rest of the food-stuff and games-stuff together ... And then I have to pack, pack, pack, PACK, PACK!!!!!!1!!!1one!!!!1!

Pack the kids' things, pack for our stuff, pack for camp, pack for the wedding ... Pack the stuff to do Bucket's and my hair ... *sigh*

And I folded most of the kids' laundry in our room. I think I should get a National Medal of Honor for that. Only, what, about seven more loads to finish folding ... since Ginger-cat decided to PEE in our bathroom (well, those clothes were already dirty, but still!!!) and on a pile of blankets (yes, those DID need washing, BUT they were on CARPET! EWWwwww!!!!). It's amazing that she's still alive.

Oh, and probably TMI or something -- but the toilet seat in our bathroom (not the hall bathroom) has a crack in it. And it keeps pinching my butt/thigh (my buthigh??). So we're going to replace that.

AAAAAAND, I need to cut Bruise's and Michael's hair!!! And I should try to give myself a facial before camp ... and upon arriving home from camp .... and remember to use MONDO amounts of sunscreen .... and, and, and ...

Oh, and do the dishes.

And restart the computer so that my stupid printer will spit out all the things that I need printed. Ugh!!!!!!!!!

And I need to finish "Tea Time for the Traditionally Built" before it's due (in two days!!!!!! Ack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

*sigh*

SO ... who wants to pet my hair and tell me that I'm pretty and NOT-at-all fat, regardless of how my bridesmaid dress makes me feel (well, okay, I just look like mah BOOBAGE is nearly twice the amount as is usual ... which is, I must say, quite the feat!)

(On overhearing myself: At Jo-Ann's fabric yesterday, as Roxy was buying some fabric. We were talking about how the bodices of our "dresses" -- they're seperates -- showcase our ... endowments, per se. I told her, "Hey, I'll do your hair if you pin my boobs! ... Just not literally pinning my boobs, because that would HURT." And the gal measuring fabric was all snickering into her shoulder. Poor girl.)

(Also, Rox and I were at B&N, picking out little booklets for Mer's gift ... with three three-year-olds. As we're perusing a certain ... area ... of the self-help section ... I guess it does count as relationships ... we have various passers-by giving us some glances. Rox mutters, in sotto voice, "Yes, we're looking at sex books. We just don't have ENOUGH kids, can'cha tell??" ... Oh, how I cackled. It only got better when Bruise observantly exclaims, "Wook!! Dere's a wowwipop on dat book!!" ["Look! There's a lolipop on that book!"] ... No, I didn't allow him to glance at the innerds of ANY of those books. Not a glimpse!)

Ah, yes ... the remarkable life and times.

Now, really ... I just HAVE to get through the next, what, 12 days?? Once July 12th is here ... I'm going to be SO DAMN HAPPY.

(Sorry for swearing. But it NEEDED an explitive. It's for descriptive value. Pinkie swears!)