Monday, January 18, 2010

Trying to get rid of my stinking thinking ...

Okay, ... So as I'm sitting here being a tab bit impatient and down about my computer and the fact that we're not just sitting here watching the monkey money roll in, well, I remembered hearing one of the General Authorities give a talk.

A talk involving lyrics from one of the songs from Fiddler on the Roof (which, coincidentally, is the first musical I ever remember seeing. At the high school that I attended. I think I was around ... six? seven? Around there, anyways).

And I *THOUGHT* it was Elder Jeffery R. Holland who gave it.

So, I'm searching and searching for it. Can't find it.

Because it was Elder Dallin H. Oaks.


But, yeah, whenever I get all, well, pissy about my lot in life, I tend to recall this bit of the talk:

I love the musical and motion picture Fiddler on the Roof. There a wonderful Jewish father sings “If I Were a Rich Man.” His memorable prayer concludes with this pleading question:

Lord, who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am;
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan,
If I were a wealthy man?
(lyrics by Sheldon Harnick [1964])

Yes, Tevye, it might. Let us give thanks for what we are and for the circumstances God has given us for our personal journey through mortality.

And, yeah, it helps me to recall that I am NOT omniscient. I am given this trials because they're something that I need to endure. There's something in here that I'm supposed to learn. Hard as it seems, I am going to get through all this crap ... and I'll be all the better for it.

Like I was discussing with Michael the other day, it WOULD be really nice if our prayers were answered instantaneously (like the lights on our dashboard in the van. After Christmas, when Michael got gas, the dude there didn't close the gas cap all the way, so our "check engine" light came on. AGAIN. And it takes forever to turn back off. So, if had been a couple weeks. I was starting to get worried. [Okay, I was CONTINUING TO WORRY.] And THEN one of our doors was REALLY acting up. When we'd make a turn, it'd activate the light in a set of microsecond strobes. Not good. So we had to turn off the overhead lights in the car. THEN it stopped even RECOGNIZING that that side door was closed at all. ... So, what could we do but pray? ... And clean all the sensor bits with some rubbing alcohol. ... So we did both. And, really, within a week, the "check engine" light turned itself off. The sensors started working again. I can even leave the overhead lights on so that I can tell when a door is ajar without having to turn on the car. That little annoying red streak isn't showing up saying that a door's open when it really isn't. Phew!!)

Any, yeah, wouldn't it be NICE if all prayers were answered so expeditiously? I mean, it wasn't INSTANTANEOUS, but it was fast.
And, then, if a prayer couldn't be answered, if you could get a note explaining WHY it just wasn't going to work.

But then, on the other hand, that'd totally negate the need for faith. And so it just would't work. *sigh*

... Still ... it would be kinda nice.

But, yeah. I just need to figure out what I need to be learning and FREAKING DO IT so that I can totally get through all of this. And then, we can only hope, business will completely turn around, we'll get out of all debts (except, perhaps the mortgage ... and I'm fine with that), and I'll get A PONY! (Okay, not really. But maybe a gerbil or a frog or something? Something that I can handle cleaning up after ... Which means that it must make really SMALL messes. *sigh*)

... Okay, while the children are happy with their Little Einsteins DVD (after, thankfully, the DVD player has decided to cooperate. Sometimes it just really seems to hate me. *sigh* But it just needs a little time-out and it'll work again.), I should get into gear and go read my scriptures and pray and stuff.

I at least need to express my gratitude that the DVD player's working and that I was able to find that talk that I needed to.
Because I needed that reminder to be grateful for the trials that I have. They're for my good. I KNOW this. I just need to accept it and to learn what I need to learn so that I'll be able to get THROUGH this.


Also, how am I going to get through reading "The Last Battle" without sobbing like a perfect idjit?? Because it's so frustrating in the beginning ... Shift is such a jerk ... *sigh*

Just pray that I'm going to get through everything and learn whatever it is that the Lord wants me to know asap. I'm positive it'll help.

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