Thursday, January 21, 2010

In which I gripe ... and then am very humbled

Let's get the griping out of the way first, okay?

In regards to other drivers, I just want to use the quote, "Lack of planning on YOUR part does NOT necessitate an emergency on MINE."

If you are putting off merging until the last second, don't expect me to be as happy and patient as if you'd put on your blinker right away. OR been in the correct lane in the first place.

And I say this even though I'm not great at parking and made a few people wait while I executed a three- (maybe five-) point turn in the library's parking lot. ... But I TRIED to wait until there weren't TONS of cars around. I try not to impose my crazy on everyone around me. (Part of my crazy is being unable to aptly gage space and distance ... and, therefore, I live in mortal fear of backing up into other cars or structures.)

Also, when I was volunteering yesterday, there were TONS of books. I arrived to find about four carts (one was only half-full. And already in the lobby. The rest were in the adjoining staff room). So I pull out one of the full carts, thinking to myself that I can totally just grab books off of TWO carts to shelve as easily as one. I push the mostly-empty cart in front of me and pull the FULL cart behind ... and it tips over and spills its load of around 60 alphabetized books. Because I'm JUST that awesome and effective.
(Two patrons immediately asked if they could help me. I said yes. And one of the library staff came and helped me put the cart back in order, assuring me that these carts are really "tippy" and that this has happened to everyone.)

But, yeah. Since the library had been closed for Martin Luther King (Jr)'s birthday on Monday, we were still catching up. It happens after every holiday (the week after Thanksgiving, when the library has been closed for TWO days is KILLER. I wasn't there for the aftermath of Christmas or New Year's this year. But I recall when I volunteered before, shelving the new [2 week checkout] books, it was rather ... crazy).

The kids are lying less. Which is good.

Bucket started ballet class. And proclaims to love it. (Bruise agrees. And he's technically in the class, too.) But you wouldn't know that if you'd seen her at class yesterday.
Bucket is most likely the youngest in her class, since it's for 4-6 year-olds and she did just turn 4. She has a church-friend in the class, which is nice. Bucket is, though, definitely the smallest. And, as with most new things, she was really reticent about joining in at first. She did participate with the group in the warm-up and the cool-down sections. However, the bulk of the class was spent either sitting on my mom's or my lap -- or (and this was much more preferable) practicing along with the girls as she stood next to our chairs.
Bruise didn't participate at all. I finally kicked him out of my lap so I could take a few pictures of Bucket being in class (and I SHOULD have taken the picture of her, tear-streaked, cuddling in my mom's lap). So, he ended up sitting in a chair next to me for 80% of the class.
Still, when both kids left class to walk to the car, they both proclaimed to Mom and me how they LOVED dance class.

Now, here's where I am very humbled. Lately, I've been kinda pissy (really, that's the best word for it, I'm sure) about our situation financially. We have credit card debt. We wouldn't have this debt if people in charge of the economy hadn't gotten greedy and screwed over the rest of the nation. If we didn't have this debt and things weren't so stretched, life would be a lot easier. ... We still wouldn't be the kind of family that could afford a yearly vacation with air travel or anything ... at least, not without saving lots and lots. We don't have tons of food storage. We don't have flashy cars or big screen TVs. Heck, right now, we're back down to ONE working computer. We don't have a Wii, nor do we have plans to buy one in the immediate future. When I get new clothes, it's almost always because they are gifts. When I gain weight (which has happened since this time last year), I have fewer and fewer clothes that look good on me. ... And, even with trying to be grateful for the good things, I find myself getting caught up in the sucky stuff:
  • bills, bills, bills. And they're never all paid off , really. Because as soon as we get them paid, the NEXT one comes in.
  • My kids are slowly trying to drive me mad -- lying, ordering me about like some plus-sized Cinderella (and HELL if I'm going to put up with that!)
  • I've been sleeping wrong (or something) which has resulted in REALLY sore shoulders and neck for me ... which only adds to my cheerful, sweet disposition ... of wait, it doesn't. It leaves me PISSIER THAN EVER.
  • Did I mention that my computer, which had started WORKING AGAIN, died AGAIN?
  • I still miss my Gingi-cat. And I tear up about how much I miss her just THINKING of it. And I wonder if I'd rather NOT feel these emotions ... and if I could give them up, would I? Or would it be disloyal to her somehow? And it doesn't help that Diana-cat isn't much like my Ginger. Or that, every so often, I'll catch a glimpse of something pale out of the corner of my eye and, immediately, think that it's her ... and then I have to remember that it's NOT. And that I'm not really putting forth enough effort to perfect myself so that I can be utterly assured of getting to the Celestial Kingdom (because I'm one of my harshest critics. If not THE harshest) ... and if I don't make it there, I might not get to hang with my Gingi much.
  • I get frustrated with myself for thinking the above. But have I gotten fully motivated to read my scriptures more (let alone really STUDY them)? I am praying a little more ... I could EXERCISE and get some endorphins.
  • We're reading "The Last Battle" and things are so ... bleak/bad/suckified/crap. I KNOW that it gets better. I really do. It's not just faith because I've read this book before. MULTIPLE TIMES, even. But reading it aloud to the kids (because I have read it aloud before when it was just Michael and me, driving along) .... it just makes it (and life) seem more bleak/bad/suckified. Yesterday, I read some of Mo Willems pigeon books instead. Because they're lighter and funny and I just couldn't handle reading about Shift and his wicked designs.
I know, overall, it's stupid stuff. Nothing really that having a few fistfuls of money won't solve. And, truly, if throwing money at a problem solves it, it's not that huge of a problem.

Which brings me to this:


You can throw money at it, but not everything's being solved.
But the kids' pediatrician is doing what he can. He took action. And that's another reason why I love and respect our doctor.

Here he is, volunteering and DEALING and HELPING with all of this.
Some people amaze me.
Most people amaze me ... Most people rise up and make great choices and DO great things.

They're not all greedy and power-hungry.

I have to remember this. Even when the actions of a powerful FEW affect the honest MANY.

There are good people. LOTS of good people.
If only we (If only I) could be more like them.

Then the would wouldn't feel like it's just so crap.

Here are a couple more examples that make me tear up ... but in movie form:

Sound of Hope:

Lost Generation:

Today, I'm grateful for: good examples, proactive people, that I DON'T live in a place that's war-torn or suffering from massive natural disasters. My healthy family who loves me. Our church.


Jennifer said...

I love Dr. R - I had an appointment with him last friday, which they reschedules to this next monday, which they had to again reschedule to the 5th since he is staying in Haiti longer... What an amazing thing to be doing and wish I could do that much good :)

I hope things look up for you guys (financially) soon! I know it is so much stress and hard when money is tight. Just remember how wonderful and funny you are - and you always make me smile :)

Dianne K. Nelson said...

Ya Know that's Joel's uncle, right? And he was my father's best friend in High School and my Brother is named after him. So he's technically my best friend once removed and my uncle too...

Still, so TOTALLY impressed with him!

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