So, I mentioned that I emailed the counselor my concerns ...
He called back.
The call is no longer extended to me.
I did apologize and tell him that I usually am not so high-maintanence. And that I do want to serve ... but that, from the moment I sent him the last email, I started to feel ... calm. Better. Not bursting into tears randomly.
But, yes, after he received the email, he talked to Bishop (and the other counselor, I'd suppose). They agreed that maybe this isn't the right time/calling/something.
And it has been rescinded.
And I still feel calm. Good. Not under-a-dark-cloud.
So, apparently, I'm not spiritually defunct. Which is nice to know.
... And, I somehow know that if they still felt impressed to have me in that calling, I could have managed. Somehow. But there's a reason that it wasn't right for me (or multiple reasons, who knows). But I felt calm no matter how I thought of things going. Still extended? That's okay. I turn it down outright? It's okay. They take it back? Still cool.
As soon as I finished the conversation, I finished reading bedtime stories to the kids and got them in bed.
Then I texted Michael. And I called my mom. I started a message to Jenny (since I had talked to her about it and promised to keep me posted). And I told the kids, since I had asked for THEIR input on it (hey, they've been with Heavenly Father more recently than I have. They might have some great insight, you never know. I figure that I might as well let them have some input. If I was put in that calling, it'd have affected them both a bit). Bruise was okay with the news. Bucket cheered a bit. Bubbles is still learning to talk, so it was hard to figure out her reaction, since their bedroom is a little dark.
But, yeah. It's strange to feel so calm. I usually am a nervous wreck.
... And part of me wonders if I'm due for my cycle, since my mantra the last couple days seems to be EAT ALL THE THINGS!! Or so it seems.
But, yeah. Things are okay. I'm okay.