Friday, September 04, 2009

In which I finally blog. And I use bad words in italics sections (so you can skip them).

I had opened Blogger to blog on Thusday ... but I had NOTHING to write.
Then I had a busy weekend. And yesterday was a little hectic ...

First point of interest (which you probably already know): Brooke Wilberger's body has been found. I'm glad ... and also so very saddened. Because, deep in my heart of hearts, I really and illogically HOPED that she'd just run off to Aruba or something. I never knew her (but I did go to church with her brother for a while. We weren't at all close.), but I always hoped that she was realy okay. And not the victim of a rape and murder. Which is what ended up happening.

You Might Not Want To Read:

The thing that really pisses me off is that the man who did this seems completely unrepentant. He's waited FIVE EFFING YEARS to tell ANYONE where he left her. He killed her BECAUSE SHE FOUGHT BACK as he raped her. ... I'm not a very good/Christlike person. I say this because deep down in the dark corners of my heart, I rather hope that he'll be shanked in prison. And that it won't kill him ... but will be a festering wound that will make him so miserable, that he'll have nothing to do but to consider how his actions have affected all these people ... and that he'll learn how to regret and repent ... and, somehow, he'll try to make it right. But, oh, how I want for him to SUFFER and UNDERSTAND what he's done.
Especially since, right after killing Brooke, he drove down to Mexico to stalk and rape another girl (who survived) ... And then he made his family hide him. And then he ONLY told where he hid her body IF he was guaranteed not to receive the death penalty.

And now, we're left wondering what would have happened if Brooke hadn't fought? Would he have let her live? Would she have been left a broken girl, loathing herself because he violated her and she COULD have fought back and hadn't?

WHY, really WHY THE HELL do people DO these finds of things?? I mean, ......... It just pisses me off to no small amount that ANY person can think that THEIR NEEDS OR DESIRES are more important than another person's well-being. (Those Wiccans have it right with their motto: "an it harm none, do what ye will" ... There is NO way in HELL that anyone can think rationally that abuse is not harming anyone.)

Maybe I take things like this to heart too much. I have family members that were abused. I know some of my friends and acquaintences that have had to put up with more than I'd ever ask of any person. (I mean, I KNOW that our trials are to help us grow and develop. I also know that Satan wants to bring us to a point where we will follow him -- and getting up in a state of hopelessness and self-loathing is a pretty effective way to do that.)

Why, WHY, can't people just REALIZE how precious each and every one of us is? If we would all just understand how loved and cherished we all are by our Heavenly Father, we couldn't ever CONCEIVE of hurting one another like this.

And if it weren't for Facebook ... well, I JUST learned that the body of a girl who went missing when I was in high school was found. Yes, ten years later, they've found Stephanie Condon's remains. I never knew Stephanie ... but I knew people who did. And, in the small place that I grew up, well ... things like this aren't supposed to happen. But they do. Stephanie was abducted and killed. Kevin (brother of one of my best friends) is killed and hidden ... and I knew him. And I saw what it did to his poor family. I always knew his mom as a chipper lady --- and then, when I saw her next, her hair had lost all its color and she wore lines of grief on her face, like his murder had stamped them there.

Learning about the recovery of Brooke's body, though, took me back to that night in 2004.
Michael and I had gone to bed. I think we may have fallen asleep. We got a phone call ... maybe around ten or eleven that night. Our bishop had called to ask us to help search. So we drove over to Avery Park in Corvallis, very close to where Brooke had been taken. I hadn't really been talked to, so I was under the impression that she could have been a teen runaway. I thought we were just looking to find out if she had cuddled up to sleep somewhere or passed by. I never really thought that we were looking for a body.
We got home around 3 AM ... the police had called our house, since we had parked our car when we arrived to search on the other side of the park. I'd never been called by the police before. We explained that we'd been out at the park, helping search.

Then we waited. And waited. We went to a memorial for her ... it must have been in 2004 or 2005 at the Corvallis courthouse. And we waited. And waited.

(For Kevin, Meryl called me to tell me her brother was missing. I hoped that he'd just gone on a trip, on a whim, to Vegas or something -- see what an optimist I am? I posted a picture on my blog in hopes that someone might find him walking around. Maybe he had amnesia -- see? I'm a total optimist! Then, about a week later, they found his truck and his body. Definitely murder. Mom, Roxy, and I all went to his funeral.)

AGAIN: WHY DO PEOPLE DO THINGS LIKE THIS? Do they not understand that each of these people have families who love them and grieve for them? For YEARS and YEARS and YEARS? How can anyone be so selfish that they think that they can just DO THESE THINGS??

I just don't get it.

And I READ crime and forensic novels and case studies. I just don't GET HOW people can do these things.

Can't we all just RECOGNIZE that every person (no matter who. No matter how annoying/ugly/beautiful/irritating/whatever) is a living soul? And that it is NOT our right to do ANYTHING unseemly towards them at ALL??

Maybe this is why I love that yoga sentiment: Namaste ("I respect divinity within you that is also within me." or "The spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you.").

So, namaste. May you and your families be safe and protected. May your burdens be light and your days full of enough joy to balance all sorrows you are faced with.

(if we didn't have storytime to go to and kids to take care of, I'd think of curling up in bed and hiding under the covers all day. Sometimes the world is a scary place. ... And I really just want it to be happy and sunny and wonderful.)

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