Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Hey jealousyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ...

So, I came to the realization that the reason why I was so down yesterday and why I'm taking this so hard is that ... well, that friend doesn't seem to be taking this distance that hard.

I know that she's busy and has every right to be happy and have her own friends and a life that doesn't depend upon my friendship being there.
(Only child problem #1: Realizing that it's NOT always all about YOU.)

But, dang it, it sucks for me. Because I have to realize that this isn't all about me.

And that -- as satisfying as it would be for her to look/sound as miserable as I feel -- isn't being at all realistic.

So ... I have to admit to myself that I had more invested into that relationship than maybe I should have.

Not that I've ever BTDT before. Oh no.
(Oh, yes. Like, nearly, EVERY crush I had before Michael. Ha ha ha. Bad habits die hard, right?)

So, yeah. I seem to have lost a sister-friend. And I'm just going to have to put on my (proverbial, not literal) big girl panties and DEAL with it.

Because, I have to face it: there are things in life that suck.
This, apparently, is one of them.

I have other friends who still love me. I have family that loves me. It's not like I'm some friendless orphan without any resources of my own or anything literarily tragic like that.

I can deal with this.
Apparently, it's going to take MONTHS and MONTHS to do it.

BUT. I'm just going to keep telling myself that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and -- DOGGONE IT! -- people LIKE me!"
(Maybe more or less than I might deserve ... but I'll take it.)

In other news, I woke up feeling a lot better.
(Having a cry while actually ADDRESSING my FEELINGS and managing to put some stupid, tundra-esque storm into words with Michael, who sagely made Firefly-quote proclamations, did help. As did sleep. And prayer. ... I guess I just needed to find a reset button. Crazy body with  its brain full of FEELS.)

I should totally clean up the house. And I'll make an effort ... around a couple errands that NEED running today.
And I might paint Mom's and my toes. Something happy and bright and fun.
If I didn't have Bubbles, who isn't the best as sitting still for an hour or so, I'd take Mom to see Austenland ... if it's still at a local theater.

But ... yeah. I'm going to be okay.

And, obvs, I'm not immune to jealousy or the mean reds or all that.
As much as I'd like to be able to pretend that I'm totes all over that ... but it wouldn't be honest.
So ... yeah.

Today is another (hopefully better) day.

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