Monday, October 19, 2015

Sittin' in mah robe, yeah ... so, so classy

What, what? I'm blogging without at least a WEEK going by between posts?!??

Craaaaazy-sauce ...

So, I blogged last on, what, Friday?

There hasn't been tons of stuff since then, really.

But I figured that I should blog.
My dreams are starting to get back to "normal" levels of weird (Thanks, Mother Nature! Glad to see you headed off again! Between the acne, insomnia, irrational emotions, and the CRAZY-BUTT dreams, I'm always glad when I return to not having a uterus that's sloughing off that layer. ... Of course, funny (TMI) thing: for a couple years, when they kids would ask what was wrong and I'd tell them that I was on my period, Bucket would crow, "You're PREGNANT?!???" "NO. NO. NOT pregnant. The opposite." And then I'd have to give them a pared-down (but still slightly-horrifying-if-you-think-about-it) version of what exactly goes on in a woman's uterus.

Yes, I've been pretty upfront with my kids about their bodies. I haven't yet gone through the DETAILS of sexytimes or anything (I refer to it, when talking to them, as "sex or sexual intimacy"). ... because, well, I'd rather that they ask me for THAT INFO when they're ready to hear it.

(Says the girl who read the encyclopedia entry about sex when she was six. "Mom, did you know the encyclopedia has bad words in it?!?? They say "penis" and "vagina!" ... Yeah, there's another reason why I use the clinical terms (mostly) when dealing with body parts. Don't get me wrong, I say butt and "frontbottom" and "dainty bits" and "boobs" and all that, too. but I make sure that my offspring are aware what things are really called.)

So, yes, my kids have heard (yes, even Bruise) the info that women have a layer of blood that lines the uterus JUST IN CASE an egg is fertilized, so it can implant and turn into a baby.

In other things I talk to my kids about -- we've talked about pornography (and avoiding it. Or what to do when they DO come across it), homosexuality (and that people who are gay or lesbian are still children of God and we need to love THEM. We don't have to approve of anyone's ACTIONS, but we are all more than our actions, so just freaking love everyone, OKAY?!?? ... Seriously, I don't get how folks do anything else. Weirdos ... who obvs need more hugs.), gun safety, sexual abuse (i.e., don't let people touch you against your will. And, if they do, TELL US. Daddy and I will ENSURE that they are dealt with. In a way that we won't end up in prison. And that their doctor will need to check out their private parts, but that if it makes them really uncomfortable, speak up. And, if anyone DOES ever do something, that's on THEM. It's not the survivor's fault. Seriously. Look in the Handbook for the Church. And, no matter what, you're never so far gone that the Atonement cannot help/heal you. Use it. And we'll still love you no matter what.), and abortion (We believe that it's taking a life. But there are a few times when it could be permissible [mother's or baby's life in peril OR due to rape/incest, which would be because someone overpowered the now-mother's agency ... Don't do it as a convenience because one wants to avoid consequences for one's choice -- that also counts for the guy who impregnates a woman. If you can't handle being a dad, don't ... ahem ... go through the motions. Get it? If you're not ready to be a mom, make another choice. Go play mini-golf or something. Because there's no birth control (other than abstinence) that's 100% effective. ... But, if you find yourself pregnant, there's support and help. Things happen. And it's not like anyone can get pregnant on their own. So we should all be a little more understanding. Everyone should understand that because there ain't NO ONE on earth right now who IS perfect. ...)

Okay, SO, that's a lot more than anyone really cared to know about my mothering methods.

But, yeah, I guess I should outline my main parenting goals:
  1. Raise self-sufficient offspring:
    My kids need to know not just how to pass tests and binge-watch Netflix, but how to run a house, create and stick to a budget, cook, clean, schedule a doctor/dentist visit, and deal with the myriad emergencies that life will send them.
  2. Raise spiritually-prepared offspring:
    They will need to have their OWN testimony and to be able to feel and recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I'd prefer that they learn from the mistakes of all who've gone before them so that they don't have to learn all the hard life's lessons on their own.
  3. Raise offspring who know where to go for answers:
    Let's face it, I know that I'm not always going to be around. And, heck, I don't know even HALF of the answers. (Heck, I hardly even know the QUESTIONS in the first place.)
    I want Bruise, Bucket, Bubbles (and and others who may ever come along, if there ARE any) to know HOW to research and find information. And, for what they can't find on The Google, I want them to know how to research in BOOKS and through PRAYER and by asking OTHER PEOPLE for advice ... and to be able to compile it all to find the best answer for them.
  4. Raise well-adjusted offspring:
    I know, when they come from such odd folks as their dad and me, this is a challenge.
    But my goal is that they can be COMPASSIONATE and caring and kind; that they can handle when life isn't always fun or easy.
  5. Raise good citizens:
    If there's a bad law, I want them to go about peacefully and lawfully to make the changes that need to happen. I want them to be involved and to know what's going on -- so they CAN help be a force for good. I want them to have a desire to (and the motivation to carry it out) help others. 
  6. Raise joyful offspring:
    I want them to be able to appreciate the good things, to have that attitude of gratitude. I want them to be able to find joy and peace in everyday things, to find CONTENTMENT. I want them to be able to see the beauty in a sunset, the waves of the ocean, a baby's laugh ... and to be able to share that happiness with all whom they come in contact with.
  7. And I want them to use good grammar, too. And have marketable skills. And to only have the barest amount of sorrow that will allow them to recognize joy, the merest modicum of stress, fear, and anger so they can KNOW when they have peace ...
  8. I want them to have cars that never break down, a bank account that covers all their needs without any overdrafts or debt, bodies that always work as desired and fit into whatever fashions they like best COMFORTABLY, a house where others are glad to gather, friends who are always loyal and honest, AND A PONY (or whatever else they want).
Yeah, I don't care if they're doctors or Nobel Prize winners ... but I want them to be happy, healthy, kind, intelligent, content, wise ... If they all want to be circus performers, that's fine, as long as they can all make enough to support themselves and their families (and maybe their parents ... in the lifestyle in which we'd like to become accustomed, ha ha ha).

Okay, I've blathered on about mostly nothing for long enough.
I should go get more laundry done, clean the hall bathroom and the kitchen (don't worry, I'll wash my hands between those two!), get a shower, read a book, and a million other things that all should BE done. Good times, right?

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